Non-Catholics "Offended" by Eucharist at wedding

sbelle85

FI and I are both very proud and active Catholics and we are having a Catholic ceremony. We are planning to have communion at our ceremony, and intended to include a short explanation in our programs of the significance of the Eucharist and how to participate, because many of our guests are not Catholic and some are not religious at all. (I converted to Catholicism in college, so my mom and her family members are not Catholic.) We thought this would be a helpful and welcome guide for our guests.

Well, we were discussing wedding plans and one of them said that it was a pet peeve of theirs when Catholics take communion at a wedding and "everyone isn't allowed to participate". They talked about how it's offensive to prohibit certain guests from receiving communion and made condescending remarks about it before suggesting that many of our guests would be put off by our decision to include communion as a part of the wedding and that it would be "boring" for them to have to sit there while all of the Catholics took communion. They stressed that they would feel insulted if we wrote anything in the program indicating that communion is for Catholics only.

I was stunned. I pointed out that everyone IS welcome to participate - just in different ways. Those who are not in full communion (don't share our beliefs about the Eucharist) are welcome to join the communion procession and receive a blessing instead of the body and blood of Christ. We were not planning to write anything that said people "can't" take communion, only to explain the significance and the Catholic church's belief on this matter.

I feel that marriage is a deeply meaningful religious ceremony that you are inviting your guests to witness, and it should reflect your beliefs. I don't think the ceremony is supposed to be about keeping your guests entertained, so the suggestion that they would be "bored" by communion was absurd to me. I personally don't care for outdoor ceremonies, but as a guest I would never suggest that a couple shouldn't have a ceremony that is meaningful to them because it didn't reflect MY beliefs or wasn't something that I enjoy.

Did any of you encounter similar sentiments from non-Catholic guests? My fiance and I both take great pride in our Catholicism and having a Catholic wedding is extremely special to us. I find my extended family member's attitude offensive. I am tempted to tell my mom that she needs to explain to her family members that our beliefs are very important to us and that if they have a problem with the nature of a Catholic Nuptial Mass, they can choose not to attend. I certainly do not want them there rolling their eyes or making snide remarks about it.

Riss91

I completely agree with you. You are asking them to witness your ceremony. They should do so respectfully. If they cannot, they aren't required to attend.

That being said - I don't think it is necessary for you to put anything in the program. It is the priest's responsibility to ensure that communion is distributed appropriately. You could mention to your priest about your situation and he may choose to make a brief announcement during his homily. This is what our priest did. He explained the significance and Catholic perspective and he told guests that they were welcome to come up with their arms crossed for a blessing instead of receiving.

FWIW, communion shouldn't even be given to Catholics that aren't in a state of grace, so it isn't even Catholic vs. non-Catholic here.

I would definitely speak to your mother or family members about their attitude toward your wedding/faith. I would simply state that these are your beliefs and their comments have hurt your feelings. Let them know that you would love for them to attend, but if the ceremony you are having (which is a reflection of you) is offensive to them, then you understand if they choose not to attend. Then express that this is the last time you want to hear any remarks regarding your religous beliefs and the decisions you have made. You respect their choices, they need to respect yours.

catarntina

Definitely have the ceremony your way.  If your family is offended, then they don't have to come!  Less food for you to buy.

They will either get over it, or tough cookies for them.

DH's mom was pissed we were having a Catholic ceremony to begin with.  She's baptist (DH is Catholic, long story).  We went ahead with the ceremony our way because it was important to us.

lalaith50

Oh, I totally feel your pain. My dad is Lutheran, and he specifically requested certain "Catholic" optional things to not be included, like not praying for dead people or the pope in the prayers of the faithful. It was a little annoying b/c I was kind of surprised that he wasn't like offend by the whole deal, (ummm...it's a Mass!) but I was like, whatever I'm choosing my battles.

It annoys me so much that non-Catholics (well, and many Catholics!) focus so much on the visual/active "participation" at Communion... I always want to ask them "why WOULD you want to receive something that we believe is actually Christ's transubstantiated Body? Don't you think that's a little weird that we believe that?!?!"

kantonik

wow, thats a tough spot to be in, especially with family...I feel for you. But I definately agree with all pp's. This is your faith and you should be able to celebrate the sacrament of marriage without any remarks or anybody feeling uncomfortable. I have been to a few Jewish weddings and I never find myself uncomfortable or offended...I find it to be a learning experience.
Definately talk with your family and let them know that marriage as a sacrament is important to you and this is how you want to celebrate it. No one should tell you to take away a part of the ceremony that you deeply believe in...especially the body and blood of Christ...because it makes them feel uncomfortable!
Like Riss said, I'm sure your priest can definately mention something about those not wishing to participate in the eucharist being able to come up for a blessing and what not.

professorscience

I agree with everything Riss said.  My grandparents have been throwing fits all year about my wedding being a mass.  My grandpa even went so far as to seek out special permission from the deacons of his church to attend our wedding.  FI's stepgrandmother apparently called up FILs to make sure "It's not one of those LONG CATHOLIC WEDDINGS, is it?!"

This is one of those things where you're allowed to put your foot down and declare that it is YOUR wedding, so it is going to go the way you want.

I don't have much else to add except that I am sorry you are going through this.  Most of our guests are not catholic, but I can't imagine any of them not respecting our faith.

bibliophile2010

I had family members who were surprised (why? FI and I both very active in the church and in our faith and very open about this) that we were doing the whole 9 yards. We didn't care. The ceremony was for us and our vows before God and receiving a sacrament (we actually received 3 in one day!). In our video, you can see my two aunts talking through communion...just like they have talked through a million church services. You can't please everyone.

ingeniousidea

I completely agree with PPs.  Like the OP, my FI and I are planning to have a full nuptial Mass because we are active Catholics and LOVE our faith.  We are planning to serve as EMs and distribute communion to our guests.  That said, we have both friends and family who are either obviously non-practicing Catholics or not Catholic at all, and I'm planning to have a brief note in the program.

 The USCCB has a statement for couples to use if they want, which is available at http://catholicweddinghelp.com/questions/receive-communion.htm. It's a little wordy, but I might abridge it to be more succinct and include at least some of the text. 

Irishcurls

Not to belittle this topic at all, becuase we encountered issues with H's family as well, but something will always offend someone, especially with weddings. It's like people being offended by you (general you) not inviting their children. Or having alcohol. Or NOT having alcohol. You can't please everyone, and certiantly shouldn't attempt to in an instance like this. It's a very important aspect of the wedding and very important to you both. I would just keep reiterating that you guys are really looking forward to celebrating with everyone and just let it go. Someone's complaints won't change your mind and come wedding day, either they'll suck it up and deal with it, or they won't show. I hope it works out for you!!

GeorgiaPeachMarie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_non-catholics-offended-eucharist-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:7220c260-95ae-471f-ae7f-6d7070a84f27Post:338c2745-5dc9-43ee-9bae-435e107d6e2c">Re: Non-Catholics "Offended" by Eucharist at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]D<strong>efinitely have the ceremony your way.  If your family is offended, then they don't have to come!  Less food for you to buy. They will either get over it, or tough cookies for them.</strong> DH's mom was pissed we were having a Catholic ceremony to begin with.  She's baptist (DH is Catholic, long story).  We went ahead with the ceremony our way because it was important to us.
Posted by catarntina[/QUOTE]

<div>I hate to say it but this might happen. I got married in June and only 15 people came out of the 150 people we invited. It was a huge disappointment and I truly was devastated. I wouldn't change anything, but I had to prepare myself emotionally. And even then it was difficult. We had our reception at a "neutral location" in my mom's words and 120 came to that. So just mentally prepare yourself and know in your heart that this is what you want and what you believe. </div>

Louisa1000

Only 15 came to your ceremony and 120 to the reception?? Because of religion? I'm so sorry! I would probably cry.