Waiting...

mjsmc10

Due to school and financial reasons my fiance and I are waiting until Sept 2012 to get married... Now I am not saying that we are perfect but we are trying really hard to be good and chaste.  The problem is, I don't know if I can be good for that long!  I'd really appreciate any suggestions or support...  Thanks

[Deleted User]

Do you guys live together? If so, try to have seperate rooms, that is what we did. We lived together due to financial reasons (I had moved to be with him to plan our wedding together) but we each had our seperate bedrooms and bathrooms. It was sort of like living at home again for me, we closed the door when we were dressing or something like that.

Good luck. It is hard, but with the grace of God, you can do it.

Hope61

Pray, a lot! If you don't already, try to get in the practice of praying 3 Hail Mary's for purity of thought, word, and deed every morning when you wake up and at night before you go to bed. And pray together

Also, set very clear boundaries. If you think something is "too far" then it is--if you have a line somewhere well before the marital act, I would think that sticking to that line would make it a lot easier to remain pure.

Hope that helps! Come by here any time you need someone to talk to

bibliophile2010

I agree that it is about setting boundaries and not crossing them and praying. I would also make sure you talk with your FI about what those boundaries are and why they are important and working together on maintaining them.

There are also lots of girls over on the Christian weddings board who are waiting who are great at providing guidance and insight, if you are looking for a good source of online support.

If you are truly dedicated to doing this, you can and will.

newlyseliski

We have been dating for over 4 1/2 years for some of the same reasons... primarily because my fiance has been in school for the majority of our relationship and we wanted to wait until he was mostly finished to get married and be ready for kids.  Part of that 4 1/2 years has been our 1 1/2 year engagement... I do not recommend drawing things out that long unless you have to... I'm sure once we're married we'll wonder how the heck we waited so long!!

We definitely haven't been perfect our whole relationship, but it's been a growing and learning process about our boundaries.  Remaining chaste has allowed us to develop our self control and continually choose the good of the other... which will probably help a lot when we put our NFP classes into practice!  Prayer is also huge   My fiance and I have the helpful factor of living an hour apart and seeing each other usually only once a week.  I recommend reading books on JPII's Theology of the Body if you'd like to fortify your resolve to remain chaste!

Riss91

We waited a really long time...it isn't easy, but it is very worth it. When we had weaker moments where we thought of going further, we just reminded ourselves that we had gotten this far already and we would regret it if we gave in with only a few months to go.

Ditto biblio... If you are truly dedicated to doing this, you can and will.

AP910

You just have to make the choice and stick to it. Remind yourself of your committment to making something sacred of your wedding night, of your marriage, and your respect of one another and you can do it!  Trust me.

GulfCoaster

Ditto everyone else on setting clear boundaries.  Clear boundaries make it less likely that you'll be in situations where you could be tempted to go all the way.  Talk about the boundaries with each other.  And pray, pray, pray.

clearheavens

PRAY.  God will help you when you orientate your heart towards him and his will.  And like everybody else, set boundaries, you can't have gray areas or you'll cross them.  I also found reading Theology of the Body to be a boost of confidence.  It set my heart on fire each time I reread it.

If it helps in solidarity, FI and I have dated for over 4 years now and we also had to delay our wedding by a year (or else we'd be married in Summer 2010) due to him buying a place and starting med school and me getting laid off from my engineering job.  It broke our hearts.  And sometimes it was hard to be chaste, too.  We second guess our choice at times.

We try to fill that time of waiting with more of Pope John Paul II's "Love and Responsibility" and "Theology of the Body" so that we can continue to try to love each other as fully as possible the way that God intended us to.  I think if you had a similar reading list, you will get excited about married life and have that strength to wait until marriage and also enjoy the engagement period more fully!

mjsmc10

Thanks so much for all of your advice!  The solidarity definitely helps a lot.

We don't live together... if we did this would be completely impossible for me, I do not have the self control for that at all!  I wish more than anything that we could move the date closer but that honestly is not an option for us.  Luckily I have been working a LOT lately so I have hardly had time to see him, much less think about doing anything else.  

Your support really does help, it feels amazing to know that we aren't the only ones going though this!