Non-Catholic MOH

T+Eforever

My wedding is still in the very far future so we haven't contacted a church yet where I could ask this.  I don't have very many girls in my family so I want to have my best friend as MOH. For a Catholic ceremony, is it okay to have a non-Catholic MOH?  I feel like this is a very dumb question but I honestly don't know the answer. Thanks to any who have an answer! 

agapecarrie

There is nothing in Canon law that prevents this, however a priest may require it, or at least require the people who are witnesses on the license to be. 

If you have a date in mind though, do not plan anything until you meet with a priest. (Don't put any money down) and schedule it with him.

T+Eforever

Thank you. I will avoid asking her or bringing it up until I've consulted my priest. I really appreciate the help!

ootmother2

Your MOH does not have to be Catholic, nor do the other bridal party members.

bibliophile2010

Ditto the others on your BP members not having to be Catholic. I would also encourage you, if you are planning a long engagement, to hold off on asking anyone to be in your BP until you are 9-12 months out. You never know what might happen to relationships in that time, and you don't want to deal with any unnecessary drama.

professorscience

My MOH was raised in a Muslim/Baptist home.  She has been unconditionally one of the most supportive people in my relationship with DH.

Calypso1977

they arent required to be, but it is nice to have your MOH and BM be catholic since they are technically the official church witnesses to your marriage.

unplainjane

she does not have to be catholic. both our MOH and BM were not catholic. unless your priest is very strict i don't see this as a problem. i don't know when you are planning on getting married but most churches need you to meet with them a year in advance.

bibliophile2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_non-catholic-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:844e16f0-5531-4d73-b539-3b0f830e17b5Post:c12340f2-84ae-4eb5-a0a5-7697df173423">Re: Non-Catholic MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]she does not have to be catholic. both our MOH and BM were not catholic. unless your priest is very strict i don't see this as a problem. i don't know when you are planning on getting married but<strong> most churches need you to meet with them a year in advance.</strong>
Posted by unplainjane[/QUOTE]

I don't know where you live, but from everything I've heard, this is untrue. Many churches require 6-month notice for marriage prep. Those in my area and a few others require 9 months. People may choose a longer engagement for other reasons (financial, reception, etc.), but I've not heard of many churches requiring it.

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_non-catholic-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:844e16f0-5531-4d73-b539-3b0f830e17b5Post:25c8ec0d-9970-4c17-9201-f38e1f2fb04f">Re: Non-Catholic MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Non-Catholic MOH : I don't know where you live, but from everything I've heard, this is untrue. Many churches require 6-month notice for marriage prep. Those in my area and a few others require 9 months. People may choose a longer engagement for other reasons (financial, reception, etc.), but I've not heard of many churches requiring it.
Posted by bibliophile2010[/QUOTE]

<div>Perhaps if it is a popular church or the only church in an area?  But yeah, I've only ever heard six months.  Not to say a year isn't a fine engagement length.  We were engaged for just under 14 months when we were married.  =)</div>

agapecarrie

The 6 month rule is minimum... to ensure that neither of the couple has been married before, to give time to complete prep, and to give adequate "waiting" in the formation.

Priests (and other church staff) grow weary of couples who plan a date, then wait until 6 months before talking with them. Ideally, a couple should be seeking spiritual direction before engagement, before a ring is bought, for discernment. 

In a decent amount of marriage prep I have given, once a couple is engaged, it is cemented in their mind, and true free discernment has ended...when actually most of them have not had any direction in their discernment process at all before. One couple put off their prep meetings so long, that the week of the wedding was their last meeting. They figured in their minds at that meeting that they shouldn't be getting married, but they got married anyway because of the investment of it all.

The ideal is to NOT pick a date, do discernment and investigation first, perhaps even prep work,  before anything is financially or emotionally invested in. 

lisa89760

Our BM wasn't catholic...the only people in our wedding party that was Catholic were the people that were related to us (cousin & sisters).  A few of them didn't know what to except and I thought it was funny during the rehersal when the coordinator said now we have the presentations of the gifts and one of my friends asked my sister "wait we have to bring our presents to the church?"

About picking the date, 6 months is the minimum.  But if you are getting married in peak times you might have a hard time finding a reception site 6 months out.  We got engaged in August and started looking at reception sites right away and we found that almost all the places we looked at for the next summer were booked! So we picked a date pretty so that we could get married in the summer (my H is a teacher).  We of course ran it by our priest to make sure the date was open at our church as well.

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_non-catholic-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:844e16f0-5531-4d73-b539-3b0f830e17b5Post:6cbffeba-c43f-4b60-a586-e5299313d1ac">Re: Non-Catholic MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Our BM wasn't catholic...the only people in our wedding party that was Catholic were the people that were related to us (cousin & sisters).  A few of them didn't know what to except and<strong> I thought it was funny during the rehersal when the coordinator said now we have the presentations of the gifts and one of my friends asked my sister "wait we have to bring our presents to the church?"</strong> About picking the date, 6 months is the minimum.  But if you are getting married in peak times you might have a hard time finding a reception site 6 months out.  We got engaged in August and started looking at reception sites right away and we found that almost all the places we looked at for the next summer were booked! So we picked a date pretty so that we could get married in the summer (my H is a teacher).  We of course ran it by our priest to make sure the date was open at our church as well.
Posted by lisa89760[/QUOTE]

<div>That's hysterical.  We also had people ask what that meant, but if anyone thought this, they did not voice it.</div>

lalaith50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_non-catholic-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:844e16f0-5531-4d73-b539-3b0f830e17b5Post:6cbffeba-c43f-4b60-a586-e5299313d1ac">Re: Non-Catholic MOH</a>:
[QUOTE] A few of them didn't know what to except and I thought it was funny during the rehersal when the coordinator said now we have the presentations of the gifts and one of my friends asked my sister "wait we have to bring our presents to the church?"
Posted by lisa89760[/QUOTE]
haha, cute! (We used the word "Offertory" instead, but it never occured to me otherwise that that might be confusing to people!)