Getting Married + Joining a parish?

cbvcru67

Ladies - I am mostly a lurker, but  this board seems knowledgeable and I was hoping some of you may be able to help me.  I'd appreciate feedback / advice on how to handle this.

My fiance and I are both Catholic and were raised in the Church, but aren't as stringently practicing anymore.   Neither of us grew up in the city where we currently live; my home parish is 300+ miles away and his is about an hour south.  In our adult life, neither of us has officially joined a parish, but rather often attend mass with his parents in their current church - not the same one FI grew up in, and an hour away in a different direction.  We both work weekends often (~3 weekends per month) and usually do not have Saturdays or Sundays off.  On a rare weekend we do have off together, we will typically spend at least one day with his parents out in the country and like to attend mass with them.  His parents attend every week, rain or shine.

The issue I have is this - we are getting married Sept 1, 2012 and have secured a date with a beautiful church in our downtown / metro area.  We also have a family friend who is a priest agree to marry us.  However, before we can be married, we need approval from our "home" parish that is it ok to marry outside of their boundaries.  I would imagine this means we need to create a relationship with our "home" parish before asking them to sign any documents - so how do we go about doing that?  Do we need to join the parish first?

To be truthful, we don't really love our particular local parish, the few services we attended just didn't grab us - but there isn't really anything wrong with it per se.  Additionally, we like attending with the in-laws and find that a nice time to be together when we can as a family.   What does it typically cost to join a parish?  And will the priest be hurt if we join and then continue to attend somewhere else? I don't really know how to proceed.  FYI: at the "home" parish, the Priest is currently out of town until Tuesday and we are thinking of taking off work and setting up a meeting with him next Friday.  But again, I don't really know what to say. 

This is kind of a post and run because I have to leave for work in about 30 minutes!  Thanks ladies!

[Deleted User]

I have never encountered a fee to join a parish. However, some will require you to be members before you can be married in a particular parish. And usually the fees differ for members versus non-members. Just a few things to think about when you are looking at different churches.

catarntina

You shouldn't have to pay anything to join a parish.

I had to do something similar, too.  I wanted to get married in my hometown (1200 miles away), but I hadn't officially became a registered member of a parish.  The priest in my hometown told me to register with a parish where I lived and do the pre-cana where I live.

No big deal!  Find a place you like, register yourselves, and then sign up for the pre-cana classes at your new church.  Once you do that, the priest or deacon will handle the paperwork to get permission to marry elsewhere.

ElisabethJoanne

I would think a parish can't charge you to join. That'd be Simony - to sell the sacraments (though I've seen antique pew labels for churches that used to charge pew rent).

Note that the parish can't even charge for the sacrament of marriage. They can charge for the wedding coordinator's time, and the organist, etc., but if you can't afford a big wedding (really can't afford it), your parish can't deny you the sacrament for money reasons.

ellen73

Are you associated with a university in any capacity?  (Nurse/doctor/etc?)  You "may" be able to join at a Newman Center or other campus ministry office.

COSmitty

FI and I are officially joining his childhood parish- he never registered as an adult and I hadn't registered anywhere since I moved to my new city. We are joining the parish where we are going to do the preparation. We will then get the paperwork signed for out of parish wedding.

Personally I think we may switch parishes after we get married and live in the same house... I've parish bounced before and I really don't think most take it personally. Usually they just want you to find a place you can be invested in.

Join where you want to do the preparation, decide what to do about where you want to go after the wedding. Enjoy the wedding wherever you are getting marrined.

cbvcru67

Thanks Ladies - I really appreciate the quick and thorough feedback!  It's so nice to see that other people have gone through similar issues.  I think we will meet with our "home" parish priest next week and if he asks us to join to get our paperwork signed, we will, but will take it one step at a time as far as becoming long-term members there and see if we really "fit."

Growing up, we both belonged to parishes near our homes and only "hopped" if we moved and didn't know how difficult it would be to change.  We do not have any kids now and won't for awhile so being inside boundaries for schooling isn't a priority yet and we are planning on moving before starting a family anyways.

Thanks again so much for all your help!

HandBanana

Late to the post.

I've heard of fees to joing parishes but I've never experienced it myself.  I sometimes think people confuse a fee with a tilth (sp?) or giving your envelopes.

For me it was important that we become a members of a parish the moment the discussion of marriage happened.  The first church we went to visit was his families church and it just so happened that it was a fit.  If it hadn't, we would have parish shopping. 

I didn't want to end up in a parish just because it was his families and we knew everyone there.  I wanted to be somewhere where I wanted to be at mass.  I had a bad experience (being a public school kid and trying to be an active parish member) at my parish growing up and we went through 3 priests in 6 years.  I didn't want to just pick one because it was easy.

I'm actually debating parish shopping now because a comment made in a homily recently that refered to attending public school as taking the easy route.