I know this isn't exactly wedding related, but I had such a wonderful experience at reconciliation last night, I have to share it!
I was telling Father about my impatience related to my annulment and how I thought that reflected my difficulty trusting that God will provide what I truly need. He told me to close my eyes and tell him what I saw. I saw Jesus, kneeling at the altar, praying for me.
He then asked me to envision an angel next to me, and ask the angel why Jesus was praying for me. After a moment, I replied: "Because He loves me." He said, "And what else?" I listened again and said: "He wants what's best for me." He said again: "And what else?" And I said: "That I'll trust him."
Then he asked me to envision what my anxiety looked like. I saw a ball of thorns. When he asked what my fear looked like, I saw a ghost. Then he told me to put them on the altar, and then to reach out for a gift from the angel. I saw a white dove with a peace branch in its beak. He told me to hold onto that peace, to let it take the place of my anxiety and fear.
Then for my penance, he told me to sit in the pew and just focus on Jesus at the altar, and on the dove, and if the anxiety and fear tried to intrude, to just think "Jesus." And while I was sitting there, I not only saw the white dove, but also a little tiny white kitten, so newborn it was still pink around the mouth and paws, and so sweet and warm...
I've had a lot of positive experiences at Reconciliation, but this one was by far one of the best. Then...after I had sat there for the 20 minutes he instructed me to...I opened the Music Issue, and the hymn was #397, Grant Us Peace. Then the first hymn of the night was "I Am The Light of the World," and the first verse begins: "Arise," says the Lord, "Have no fear within you; for in my presence there will be no darkness." I just got goosebumps!!!!
I almost didn't go to Mass...I went to work in the morning, because I'm moving to my new office this week and I wanted to get things packed and cleaned so I can do actual work in the meantime. Before I went in, I went to the local Civic Center, and bought a year membership for the fitness center. Then I worked for about six hours, then was going back and forth between going to workout and going to Mass. I finally decided to go to Reconciliation and then to Mass, and then work out afterward. Am I glad I did...even though the Fitness Center turned out to be closed after Mass. I think I needed the spiritual work out more.
The homily was about why we fear change, even when we know we're doing things that aren't good for us...and boy, did I need that too. I loved the priest's description of Peter as following Jesus immediately, but then what a hard time Jesus had convincing him that it was necessary for him to be crucified and resurrected...anyway, it was all exactly what I needed to hear.
So I got up this morning, and I did a work out. I decided to start easy and slow, instead of trying to kill myself on the first one, and it felt really, really good.
Hope everyone is having a blessed Sabbath...thanks for letting me share this with you.
Linda
I did
