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Catholic Weddings
Godparents question..
OK so I know this isn't wedding related (already married) but there is not a Catholic board anywhere on the Bump or the Nest so I figured I would give this a shot. Anyway here is my annoyance. I am almost out of my first trimester (yay). This is the first grandchild for both sides so everyone is very excited! Since telling my parents about the pregnancy the subject of godparents has been brought up multiple times. My mother insists that the godparents be family. and gets practically irate when I bring up the possiblity of choosing outside the family.
It is my understanding that godparents "jobs" are to help with the spiritual guidence and upbringing of the child. Its not the person that would get the baby if something god forbide happened to myself and my H.
Dh does not have siblings, I have 2 sisters. My 1 sister is married but lives in Europe. would not be here when we baptize the baby and in all reality would probably never have any significant relationship with him/her because she comes to visit only every few years. My other sister is 19. And NOT religious at all. Her main focus in life is sleeping, drinking, and popping pills. Not exactly who I would choose for my child to role model themselves after.
So my question is does the godparent have to be family? Would it be so bad if I chose a close Catholic friend? I am so sick of having the conversation and I am mostly irritated because its not like it is something that needs to be decided now. I don't want to offend my mother or my sisters by not choosing them but I feel like they will be the baby's aunts no matter what so why not have one more person that loves and looks after our son/daughter.
Sorry this was long. Any advice would be truly appreciated. Have a wonderful week!
It is my understanding that godparents "jobs" are to help with the spiritual guidence and upbringing of the child. Its not the person that would get the baby if something god forbide happened to myself and my H.
Dh does not have siblings, I have 2 sisters. My 1 sister is married but lives in Europe. would not be here when we baptize the baby and in all reality would probably never have any significant relationship with him/her because she comes to visit only every few years. My other sister is 19. And NOT religious at all. Her main focus in life is sleeping, drinking, and popping pills. Not exactly who I would choose for my child to role model themselves after.
So my question is does the godparent have to be family? Would it be so bad if I chose a close Catholic friend? I am so sick of having the conversation and I am mostly irritated because its not like it is something that needs to be decided now. I don't want to offend my mother or my sisters by not choosing them but I feel like they will be the baby's aunts no matter what so why not have one more person that loves and looks after our son/daughter.
Sorry this was long. Any advice would be truly appreciated. Have a wonderful week!
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Re: Godparents question..
you are correct in that this is for spiritual guidance of the child - not for guardianship purposes should both you adn your husband die and leave the child orphans.
i woudl pick someone seroius about the faith. i would not pick a family member who does nto practice, but that's just me.
you can have proxies if there is someone you want and they cannot physically be present at the baptism.
bottom line is that this is YOUR child and YOUR decision - not your parents child or decision.
Right now, I think my plan is to match up a Catholic family/friend with a non-Catholic since only one of the Godparents needs to be Catholic. That way I can incorporate the non-religious/non-Catholic siblings. But even that isn't perfectly ideal because none of them attend the Extraordinary Form mass like we do, which would be the most important thing to us for our children. [sigh]
Our other option is to elect our one close church friend to be the true Godparent of all our children for religious purposes and then have my siblings and close friends be the guardians, but they'd likely still be called the Godparents among our circle.
My daughter was born at 27 weeks and was baptized almost immediately because she wasn't expected to survive. My best friend (Congregationalist) and her husband (Jewish) came to the hospital right away as their son had been born almost as prematurely the year before.
When the priest arrived to baptize her, he asked if they were the godparents. I said yes immediately and she was baptized then and there.
When she was 6 months old, we had a formal christening at my church. The priest there did ask if they were Catholic and insisted that I change the godparents. I refused so the priest suggested that she have two sets of godparents, the original two and two Catholic (my brother & sister) So that christening ceremony took place.
Over the years, Sally, the Congregational godparent, was the one who always remembered her birthdays, first communion, confirmation and all other occasions.
I know that they had many conversations over the years about how she could become the best woman possible, in all ways.
Her Catholic godfather, my brother, was very supportive as she grew up and they are still very close. I also made him her fiduciary and personal guardian should anything happen to me.
Think very carefully about the people you want to be godparents of your child. The most religious is not always the best choice even though religion is an important part of the decision.
Sorry so long but I wanted you to have a good overall way of choosing yourself.
GL
[QUOTE]We had a bit of an unusual group of godparents. My daughter was born at 27 weeks and was baptized almost immediately because she wasn't expected to survive. My best friend (Congregationalist) and her husband (Jewish) came to the hospital right away as their son had been born almost as prematurely the year before. When the priest arrived to baptize her, he asked if they were the godparents. I said yes immediately and she was baptized then and there. When she was 6 months old, we had a formal christening at my church. The priest there did ask if they were Catholic and insisted that I change the godparents. I refused so the priest suggested that she have two sets of godparents, the original two and two Catholic (my brother & sister) So that christening ceremony took place. Over the years, Sally, the Congregational godparent, was the one who always remembered her birthdays, first communion, confirmation and all other occasions. I know that they had many conversations over the years about how she could become the best woman possible, in all ways. Her Catholic godfather, my brother, was very supportive as she grew up and they are still very close. I also made him her fiduciary and personal guardian should anything happen to me. Think very carefully about the people you want to be godparents of your child. The most religious is not always the best choice even though religion is an important part of the decision. Sorry so long but I wanted you to have a good overall way of choosing yourself. GL
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
Not too long. Thank you for the advice. It helps. I like that you chose the people that were their for your family not just based on religion but on who they were as people. I hope that your daughter is doing well.
My little 2 pounder is now all grown up and has two little boys.
My mother was talking to me about Godparents last week. I live in Colorado, family is in Ohio. My mom wants me to have the baby baptized in Ohio. But, I can't do that because I need to be a member of the church and attend classes to have the baby baptized there. I want the baby baptized in the church DH and I go to. Mom was not happy because she doesn't think she'll be able to attend the ceremony.
Then she was asking about Godparents, naming my brother and my SIL. SIL has only been inside a Catholic church once -- for my wedding. Brother is not a practicing Catholic. These are not people I want to be Godparents to my children.
So my mom is rattling off all these cousins who were baptized Catholic, but are divorced and no longer practicing, or are practicing when they aren't supposed to be.
So now I'm clueless who will be my baby's Godparents. I need to find someone in Colorado, not Ohio. And I don't really have many friends, especially Catholic ones. They're all Mormon or agnostic.
my sister had to take one for her 4th kid. her 4th. they attend mass daily, her two oldest serve, and they had their marriage convalidated at that church. they obviously know what baptism is all about and how to live a catholic life. i as godparent for the 4th time also had to take the class.
I think my mom's biggest objection is that I want to choose a friend over family even though the person I would choose would obviously be a praticing catholic and someone whom myself and my H felt held the same values as we did. I just don't see why it is such a big deal for the godparents to be family. I think it should be based on the person not necessarily by blood.
[QUOTE]I am in a similar situation. My mother was talking to me about Godparents last week. I live in Colorado, family is in Ohio. My mom wants me to have the baby baptized in Ohio. But, I can't do that because I need to be a member of the church and attend classes to have the baby baptized there. I want the baby baptized in the church DH and I go to. Mom was not happy because she doesn't think she'll be able to attend the ceremony. Then she was asking about Godparents, naming my brother and my SIL. SIL has only been inside a Catholic church once -- for my wedding. Brother is not a practicing Catholic. These are not people I want to be Godparents to my children. So my mom is rattling off all these cousins who were baptized Catholic, but are divorced and no longer practicing, or are practicing when they aren't supposed to be. So now I'm clueless who will be my baby's Godparents. I need to find someone in Colorado, not Ohio. And I don't really have many friends, especially Catholic ones. They're all Mormon or agnostic. :(
Posted by catarntina[/QUOTE]
I am so sorry your mom is being so difficult! As you can see I am in the same boat. It's not that I don't love my sister or BIL. But they aren't practicing catholic, they will never know this baby, asid from week visits every so many years. I just want someone who can be more involved and play a more significant role and have a relationship with our child.
If you took the classes in CO could you baptize in OH? I hope that your mom can understand where you are coming from. its such a stressful topic at such a delicate time. try not to let it get you down too much. It will all work out. It always does.
My daughter's godparents (the Catholic ones) didn't have to take a course.
I find this a bit confusing.
[QUOTE]I'm a godmother to four children and I've never been asked to take a course. My daughter's godparents (the Catholic ones) didn't have to take a course. I find this a bit confusing.
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
Some parishes require the parents to take courses before their child may be baptized. Some of them only require it for first-time parents, others require it for each child. I didn't think the Godparent was typically required to take the courses, though.
Anyway, for what its worth, my sisters won't be godparents of my future children unless they start going to church (both of them) and really change their lives/values (my older sister). They might be upset but I'm sure they'll understand. Fortunately, FI has a lot of siblings, so they should last us a while in the choosing godparents department
Little Gabriel: BFP 7/12/11~EDD 3/21/12, miscarried 8/24/11 at 10w
[QUOTE]Kind of a side note, but I never understood the whole godparents as guardians thing... Does every child have the same godparents? Would the siblings be split up to their individual godparents in case of tragedy? Anyway, for what its worth, my sisters won't be godparents of my future children unless they start going to church (both of them) and really change their lives/values (my older sister). They might be upset but I'm sure they'll understand. Fortunately, FI has a lot of siblings, so they should last us a while in the choosing godparents department :)
Posted by KatieAnne18[/QUOTE]
I don't thinks so KatieAnne
When my mom was killed, my godfather and his wife immediately offered to take me into their home. I'm one of five siblings and the other godparents did the same.
My dad, all of 40 years old and a widower overnight, was insistent that he would keep the family together and he did. btw, as a single parent almost all of M's life, I have a tremendous admiration of him for doing this!
My dad did set up a trust so that if anything happened to him, his brother (my godfather) and his wife would have physical and fiduciary custody of all 5 of us
a parish in the archdiocese of seattle is where i had to take the course to be a godparent. i have never heard of it around here.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Godparents question.. : Some parishes require the parents to take courses before their child may be baptized. Some of them only require it for first-time parents, others require it for each child. I didn't think the Godparent was typically required to take the courses, though.
Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]
Why is that Riss?
Are the rules about godparents set by the priest or the diocese?
IMO, baptism and the rearing of children in a catholic home is somethign that should be covered during precana. i think the problem comes from parents who show up wanting baptism who have no intention of raising that child catholic. similar to couples who show up wanting a catholic wedding who have no intention of living a catholic life.
that's fine if tehy want classes for those folks. but a regular parishioner who clearly practices the faith shoudl not have to go thru a class - especially if it isnt their first kid.
If I were you I would pick a group or two at your church to get heavily involved in and ask God to provide a friendship that would also give you godparents for your child. You've still got time and He will provide. Just my unsolicited advice...
[QUOTE]Not sure, to be honest! I have seen the requirements vary by parish (within the same diocese), so the diocese migh set some standards, and then priests can opt to have more rigorous requirements if they wish.
Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]
I'm sure this is it. I remember talking with some parents in my parish just before a baptism and they were talking about how the new policy was to take the class every time, whereas before they only had to do it the first time. They all seemed to think re-taking the class was excessive.
To me, raising children who have a passionate love of God, respond to the truth, and are active in their faith is the most important, but most daunting task. It is one thing to raise kids in the church, it is another to raise them in the faith and have it stick. I am sure that the baptism class comes far short of its goals of getting parents to do the latter (because if the parents aren't passionate and catechised in their faith, how can they pass that along to their kids?), but at least its a step.
first question: why do we get baptised?
i was the only one who raised my hand.
i think most of these parents are clueless becuase they never got good catechism growing up, and completely inadequate precana. this all goes to the breakdown in education of the faith. i know several people who teach CCD and they have no idea what their faith is about. no clue how they could be teaching catechism when they dont get the faith themselves. i mean, i cant tell you how many catholics i know that honestly believe that the immaculate conception was that mary got pregnant with jesus without sex.
[QUOTE]i personally think its just a money maker for the parish. IMO, baptism and the rearing of children in a catholic home is somethign that should be covered during precana. i think the problem comes from parents who show up wanting baptism who have no intention of raising that child catholic. similar to couples who show up wanting a catholic wedding who have no intention of living a catholic life. that's fine if tehy want classes for those folks. but a regular parishioner who clearly practices the faith shoudl not have to go thru a class - especially if it isnt their first kid.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
This is the basic reason, because most catholics are uncatechized. How to implement the class only for those that don't practice the faith? That's impossible. It has to be a cross the board rule...and there are many people that go to mass every sunday that need the catechesis as well.
The sacrament preparation is a way to catechize and evangelize.
[QUOTE]but again, why cant baptism be part of the precana instruction? seems to be much more meaningful and important than learning about how to balance yoru check book or taking the FOCCUS.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
Because at the time of marriage preparation, very few people are worried about how to raise their kids. It's not an immediate issue. Sadly, for many, the only issue is what dress they are wearing and what flowers they will have. Cramming some thoughts on healthy communication and such trying to create strong marriages (because not everyone is like the ladies here: educated in their faith and focused on their marriage, not their wedding) have to be the focus at that point.
FI and I have tried to get people to talk about raising a family of faith (like I say, it is a Big Deal to us), and it just hasn't been something we have gotten much on. We figure we'll get through the wedding and then worry about that.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Godparents question.. : This is the basic reason, because most catholics are uncatechized. How to implement the class only for those that don't practice the faith? That's impossible. It has to be a cross the board rule...and there are many people that go to mass every sunday that need the catechesis as well. The sacrament preparation is a way to catechize and evangelize.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]
I agree - though I think that once a couple has gone through the baptism classes once, they should be requried to do it again.
I don't think you can just lump it into pre-cana because there's just too much to deal with all at once. Better to be focused on fewer things at a time.
[QUOTE]the class i went to was frightening. first question: why do we get baptised? i was the only one who raised my hand. i think most of these parents are clueless becuase they never got good catechism growing up, and completely inadequate precana. this all goes to the breakdown in education of the faith. i know several people who teach CCD and they have no idea what their faith is about. no clue how they could be teaching catechism when they dont get the faith themselves. i mean, i cant tell you how many catholics i know that honestly believe that the immaculate conception was that mary got pregnant with jesus without sex.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
I know this is mildly off topic but I SO AGREE with this and it is such a huge damaging issue....but how how how do we/does the Church fix this? Parents are supposed to be the primary educators but most of them don't know the Faith themselves. I also think this is what causes people to leave/aid & abet the immorality of the outside culture/etc.--if people knew the Truth of the Faith, really really knew it, I firmly believe it is much too compelling to walk away from. I think about this a lot if you couldn't tell....lol. I know the classes can be annoying for those of us who do know the Faith but maybe God places us there in order to help educate & edify those who don't know it? I don't know. St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us!