No Strapless Dresses?!?!?

jrlmpc

So we've been having trouble finding a church that is available for our wedding date (which is one year away - people are very proactive!!).  We found a church that we love in NY State which also happens to be a Basilica.  The last "rule" on the list of church rules for a marriage ceremony is that there are no strapless dresses allowed; and appropriate attire must be worn.  I really don't want to be limited in my dress choices but am not sure whether or not this is a big deal.  The church is set for our date and my fiance says it's not a big deal.  Has anyone dealt with this??  As a side note; my fiance and I are both Catholic and always imagined being married in a church; we also want our children to be raised Catholic but are really just starting to go back to church for the first time now...so these rules are a little shocking!!

Riss91

Where in NY are you getting married? I'm from the Hudson Valley :-)

I think it's pretty common for a church/priest to request more modest attire. There are many churches that ask you to cover your shoulders. This doesn't mean you can't purchase a strapless dress - you just may need to add a bolero, cap sleeves or something similar for the ceremony. Your best bet is to speak directly with the priest about what is acceptable before you go shopping. Best wishes!

Calypso1977

ditto Riss.

i personally would not walk away from being married in a church over somethign as trivial as clothing.  but that's just me.

folks should be dressed modestly.  strapless dresses can be very immodest as often times they show a fair amount of cleavage.  this simply isnt appropriate for church.  on the same token, you can have a non-strapless dress that is just as immodest.

teh "marylike standards of modesty" are actually a lot more strict than this - they really arent followed at all anymore.  http://www.salvemariaregina.info/Modesty.html

i feel strapless or cleavage-showing attire is inappropriate for church at any time, wedding or no wedding.  but that's just me.   sadly, the wedding industry is fixated on this trend of strapless gowns.  i had a very hard time finding a dress that was not strapless, but i did.  i opted for no strapless without being told it wasnt allowed.

Theresa626

I added sheer removeable cap sleeves to my gown and the bridesmaids are wearing sheer shawls. The church lady said that would be acceptable.  

bellashauntee

I do not know if bare shoulders is unacceptable yet, but if it is then there are plenty of cute boleros that are made specifically for the more modest ceremonies. Then you can remove it for the reception.

fam6

If you want the strapless look for your reception, then I think boleros, shawls or removable sleeves will be perfect for you.  The other thing, is you could be worrying for nothing.  The dress I fell in love with isn't strapless, it has a v neck and has thick straps, so that might be acceptable.  So, just keep in mind, you can change your look to be church appropriate for the ceremony.  Pick the church because that is the church you want and/or the officiant you want...not due to a clothing rule...there are so many things you can do with your dress.

[Deleted User]

Ditto pp. I had heard that too, when I first started dress shopping. I spoke to my priest about it and he said strapless was fine as long as it was modest and church appropriate. Churches differ on this, so best bet is to ask.

christyhal

My dress is strapless, but I have ordered it with a matching bolero.  This way, I'll be covered in church and can go strapless at the reception.  My bridesmaids will have strapless dresses, probably, but they will have shawls for in the church.

I've also put a line in the guest info section on our wedding website that says "We're getting married in xyz Catholic Church.  In keeping with the traditions of the Roman Catholic Church, we'd ask that the ladies please have your shoulders covered during Mass.  A scarf/shawl is fine--feel free to show off your strapless dress at the reception!"

I know you can't really control what your guests wear, but I was trying to come up with a nice way of saying what we'd *like* to see, since we're being married in the church, without sounding like we were telling people they had to wear long sleeves or something. 

I didn't actually ask our priest the question about strapless dresses, because I have always chosen to have my shoulders covered at Mass.  I can't imagine it would have gone well if I had asked, though...our recently-retired second priest (we have just the one now) used to give nearly his entire homily every so often in the summer about how "young people" dress for Mass.  (And he wasn't really off the mark, either...last Sunday I sat behind a girl wearing a camisole tank with her bra--not just the straps, either--sticking out, and daisy-duke shorts!)

Every church is different, though.  I have heard of some where the veil is OK for shoulder coverage, as long as the neckline of your strapless gown is not cut too low.  Your best bet is probably to ask your priest if you are not sure.  But there are a lot of great options out there for ways to cover up your strapless dress in church.

ExpatPumpkin

My dress was strapless, but I wore a jacket for the ceremony (modesty reasons) and many outdoor pictures (winter reasons)...  Jacket off for the reception.  Pics in bio if you're curious.  I loved my "convertible" wedding dress 

mica178

My priest is allowing me to wear a strapless dress.  He told me that he trusted that I would pick something in good taste.  My dress is strapless, but it is not decollete or especially figure revealing.

My FI's uncle is a priest, and he recommended anyone in doubt to bring a picture of her dress to show to the priest performing the ceremony for approval.  Ideally you'd do this before you buy the dress, since few stores allow returns. 

Many dress stores sell removable straps or cap sleeves for the strapless gowns.  Also, many of the European designers have matching boleros or jackets since most European Catholic churches require covered shoulders.

jrlmpc

Thank you all for the advice!!  After looking more closely at the boleros and shrugs I really do love the convertible dress idea; thanks for the pics Expat!  Now I just have to figure out what to do with my bright yellow shoes!

clearheavens

I also wanted to add, the Church has always esteemed the body to be good and holy.  It is not that the body is bad, taboo, needs to be repressed, and you must cover it.  I know millions of people misunderstand this and think the Church is made up of prudes!

Recognizing the difference between chastity and prudeness is important.  Chastity is a virtue that allows us to sanctify sexual desire by making it an instrument of love and life.  Prudeness, on the other hand, is not a virtue.  Prudence is about a heart that's proud.

The reason why some parishes ask for modest dress is because of the possibility that the way that others may look at you may be undignified.  It does not mean that the body is undignified.  On the contrary!  The body is held to the highest dignity, which is why it deserves to be protected from thoughts and actions that are not rooted in true love and life.

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_strapless-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9c31748a-676a-4b5e-baed-5d2f6d512298Post:96c380f9-817e-4a52-82b2-db594e682357">Re: No Strapless Dresses?!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]I also wanted to add, the Church has always esteemed the body to be good and holy .  It is not that the body is bad, taboo, needs to be repressed, and you must cover it.   I know millions of people misunderstand this and think the Church is made up of prudes! Recognizing the difference between chastity and prudeness is important.  Chastity is a virtue that allows us to sanctify sexual desire by making it an instrument of love and life.  Prudeness, on the other hand, is not a virtue.  P rudence is about a heart that's proud. The reason why some parishes ask for modest dress  is because of the possibility that the way that others may look at you may be undignified.  It does not mean that the body is undignified.  On the contrary!  The body is held to the highest dignity, which is why it deserves to be protected from thoughts and actions that are not rooted in true love and life.
Posted by clearheavens[/QUOTE]


Said from a true and educated TOB fan.....   :)

clearheavens

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_strapless-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9c31748a-676a-4b5e-baed-5d2f6d512298Post:24976118-f968-4952-89ad-509618280f34">Re: No Strapless Dresses?!?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Strapless Dresses?!?!? : Said from a true and educated TOB fan.....   :)
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks, <span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><a style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;" href="http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?membershipid=9779295159614531&plckUserId=9779295159614531" target="_blank" class="username_knot">agapecarrie</a>!  Still learning more and more about TOB!</span></div>

Jay+Marissa

Said from a true and educated TOB fan.....  

Same here--my husband and I listened to Christopher West's tapes when we were dating in high school. Love it!

But back to the original topic, we did off-the-shoulder sleeves and sheer shawls for the bridesmaids. I liked at least having them as a sign of respect. And I liked the sleeves so much I kept them on all day

clearheavens

I know I am totally highjacking this thread, but Jay+Marissa, I absolutely love your sleeves!  The dress I am planning to order is strapless and I was going to have a seamstress add off-shoulder sleeves for me.  Do you have pictures of your dress you can e-mail e so that I can print them out and give to my seamstress to imitate?