Convalidation or Blessing?

aurora2685

Hi ladies. I'm planning to get married next fall. My FI and I were both raised Catholic (baptized and confirmed), but are no longer practicing Catholics (or any other religion right now). Therefore we're not looking to have a religious ceremony. However, our mothers' are still (somewhat) practicing and would like our marriage to be blessed by the church (although are not insisting that we have a church wedding). Would our only options be a ceremony in the church before we do our "big" ceremony or a convalidation after (obviously having to go through all of the procedures for it - if they would even do one for us)? Or is there someway to have a priest bless the non-religious ceremony we have? It seems that that's not possible from what I've been reading, but this is all a bit confusing so I wanted to check with people who seem to know much better than I do! Thanks.

meltoine

As baptized Catholics, you are both bound by Canon Law to be married, sacramentally, inside of a Church. You may not marry outside the Church with the intention of having it convalidated later. Whether or not that would really ever be possible is up to your reasons for not wanting to be married within the Church and the decision of the individual priest. 

As for having a Church ceremony first, I guess that is theoretically possible, but it may be really difficult to find a priest to go along with your plan. Also, be aware that the Church does not recognize your second ceremony in any way, shape or form. And, if you have a Church ceremony first, your legal marriage license will be filed at that time, not at the second ceremony. 

The priest will not bless a non-religious ceremony. 

Calypso1977

if you do not practice catholicism, then you are doing the right thing by not having a catholic wedding.  you shoudl not have a catholic wedding (or seek a convalidation) if you do not intend to live a catholic life and practice the faith.

a "blessing" is nto the same as a convalidation.  a blessing just makes folks feel good, but it doesnt actually administer a sacrament or make your marriage valid in the eyes of the church.   a convalidaiton makes the marriage valid. 

for a convalidation, you have to show good reason why you were not married in the chuch to begin with, and have good reason why you now want the marriage validated.  making parents happy is not a sufficient reason.

i woudl stick with what you have planned, adn if later in life you and your FI have a change of heart and decide that you want to embrace catholicism again, and have your marriage convalidated, that would be the time to do it.

Theresa626

I don't think they'll allow you a convalidation unless you both decide you want to go back to the church at some point.  Otherwise, they'll just question your motives, etc.  Whether you do a small ceremony beforehand or a convalidation, they will want you to promise to raise your kids catholic and to continue to go to the church.  Are you willing to promise that?  Either way, you'll need to go through pre-cana as well.  If you really want this, the easiest way would be to just have the small religious ceremony before the big affair but you will still have to donate to the church and do pre-cana.  

Calypso1977

If you really want this, the easiest way would be to just have the small religious ceremony before the big affair

many priests also wont perform the marriage if htis is your intent.  the sacraments are to be celebrated, and you really shouldnt "hide" your catholic marriage just so you can have a fancy big wedding on a beach or other venue at a later date.  also, you will technically be married after the church cerermony, both legally and spiritually.  therefore, you will essentially be lying to yoru guests who assume that when you walk down the aisle, you are single.   some might not care, but i was invited once to a "fake" wedding and i found it somewhat offensive to think that i had traveled a great distance and spent money to see people recite fake vows as they'd already  been married months before, in secret.

Alyssa0421

Aside from what the PP said about how the church/priests would not go along with your suggestions for a convalidation or blessing, why would you even want to do this if it means nothing to you? You and your FI are adults who are about to be married. If you are not practicing Catholics and do not plan to become practicing, just explain that to your parents in a mature way. Have your wedding how you want to have it. It's silly to suggest you have your marriage blessed or pursue a convalidation if it would not be spiritually significant or meaningful to you and you'd be doing it to please your mothers.