FI is Catholic & I'm not...

misssunshine17

Hi ladies! 

So FI and I know we need to speak to his priest but I thought I'd see what you have to say for advice because google and asking family hasn't lead to anything helpful (FYI we're very early in the planning, probably Oct 2013). FI was raised Catholic and would ideally choose be married in the church, however, I am non-Denominational Christian and have never been baptised. At this point, I am not comfortable converting. It is not something I take lightly because I feel the religion needs to be respected and understood, not blindly walked into for the sake of getting married in the church. 

Would we be able to get married in the church or by a priest? Its important to me to be married by someone of the clergy and we plan on having pre-marriage couseling. I know I could probably google it, but there are so many crazy websites I don't know what to believe!

Thanks, ladies!!

agapecarrie

Only one person of a couple needs to be Catholic to get married in the Catholic church. He makes a promise to raise the children catholic, and you'll be made aware of that promise. If the priest is confident that his faith isn't in danger, he takes care of getting a dispensation to marry a non-Baptized person.

Both people have to be baptized for it to be considered a sacrament, but when a Catholic marries through the proper channels in the church, it is a valid marriage. 

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_fi-is-catholic-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9ed8b167-f8bf-4882-a7ee-ed6bd6d9475dPost:d7dde1e0-811d-483e-b4c8-4f33055e187e">FI is Catholic & I'm not...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies!  So FI and I know we need to speak to his priest but I thought I'd see what you have to say for advice because google and asking family hasn't lead to anything helpful (FYI we're very early in the planning, probably Oct 2013). FI was raised Catholic and would ideally choose be married in the church, however, I am non-Denominational Christian and have never been baptised. At this point, I am not comfortable converting.<strong> It is not something I take lightly because I feel the religion needs to be respected and understood, not blindly walked into for the sake of getting married in the church.</strong>  Would we be able to get married in the church or by a priest? Its important to me to be married by someone of the clergy and we plan on having pre-marriage couseling. I know I could probably google it, but there are so many crazy websites I don't know what to believe! Thanks, ladies!!
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't have anything to add except that I commend you on this.  I don't think (and I hope) that "conversion for marriage" isn't a frequent occurence, but I love that you are taking this very seriously.  </div><div>
</div><div>You shouldn't have any problems getting married as long as both of you have no impediments.  Good luck with the priest!</div>

misssunshine17

Thank you both! I'm glad to hear that we will be able to get married in the church. I had read that, but FIs parents weren't sure. They're a little concerned with the way their particular church will handle it because there are been some issues with new priests and such, so I'm hoping all will go smoothly. I am prepared to raise my children Catholic. 

And thank you, professor. Some people really don't understand why I don't just become Catholic "on paper"- those people are Catholic! I think it's insulting to the religion. 

On another note, out of curiosity, do you think it is hypocritical to convert when you don't 100% believe in the same values as the religion?? There are things that I do wholeheartedly believe, but some things I struggle with. I guess this is something I could sit down and talk to FI's priest about. 

agapecarrie

When received into the church, you have to make a statement that you believe in all of the church's teachings. i don't think someone should say that unless they mean it. Receiving the Eucharist is an assent to the faith of the church. 

There are a lot of people who disagree with what they think the church believes, but not actually what it does. And a lot of times, people have formed opinions about popular controversial issues without having really studied what the church teaches and why. 

Some things also have to be taken on faith. When you study the history of the church, how Christ instituted the priesthood, and gave the authority to the apostles, things start to make sense from there. 

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_fi-is-catholic-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9ed8b167-f8bf-4882-a7ee-ed6bd6d9475dPost:f19eef38-1d58-48b8-9c4a-0412be715d06">Re: FI is Catholic & I'm not...</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you both! I'm glad to hear that we will be able to get married in the church.<strong> I had read that, but FIs parents weren't sure.</strong> They're a little concerned with the way their particular church will handle it because there are been some issues with new priests and such, so I'm hoping all will go smoothly. I am prepared to raise my children Catholic.  And thank you, professor. Some people really don't understand why I don't just become Catholic "on paper"- those people are Catholic! I think it's insulting to the religion.  <strong>On another note, out of curiosity, do you think it is hypocritical to convert when you don't 100% believe in the same values as the religion?? There are things that I do wholeheartedly believe, but some things I struggle with</strong>. I guess this is something I could sit down and talk to FI's priest about. 
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>My dad was Catholic when my parents were married, and my mother was not.  My mother tells me they wouldn't have been allowed to be married in the church, so that may be where your FILs are confused.</div><div>
</div><div>There are a lot of posts on this board about your last comment.  I think we all struggle from time to time with one thing or another in the church's teachings.  The important thing is to really study the scripture and other writings behind those teachings to understand <strong>why</strong> the church takes the stance she does.  I would definitely talk it over with the priest, or maybe whoever is in charge of the RCIA program at your church, or your FI.  My husband was instrumental in my conversion.  When we were teenagers, he'd fallen away from the church, and so did a LOT of study that brought him back.  He was so helpful!  He also took the opportunity of my RCIA process to learn even more.  It would be a great thing for you and FI to share.
</div>

misssunshine17

Thank you ladies so much! FI and I are currently long distance, but are planning to meet with the priest this summer to talk options about marrying first, then the possibility of converting later on. Like I said before, I don't want to rush into anything but love informative conversation. 

I will definitely lurk around the board! Thank you again for being so helpful  

minniehopeless

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_fi-is-catholic-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9ed8b167-f8bf-4882-a7ee-ed6bd6d9475dPost:d7dde1e0-811d-483e-b4c8-4f33055e187e">FI is Catholic & I'm not...</a>:
[QUOTE]. At this point, I am not comfortable converting.
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

And that's tottally okay, as you weren't baptised you'll need a dipensation for disparity of the chult (don't worry its really simple and just a peice of paper that the presit sends off to the bishop) all you need to do is :
<ul><li>be free to marry (ie you have't been married before)</li></ul><ul><li>be willing to have children and raise them in the church (if you are able)</li></ul><ul><li>understand the church does not recognise divorce</li></ul><ul><li>be faithful to each other</li></ul>The pre cana classes will cover all this, and if you feel like converting later you can. The only diffrence is your weddign won't be a full mass with communion (one partacking and one not would be a seperating act and the sacrement of marraige is all about together ness)