Christmas Eve

chelseamb11

So the past two years, tradition has been that we go to Christmas Eve church with whichever of my parents has us Christmas eve (to a Lutheran Church) and then to Christmas Mass with H's family the following day.
This year, H doesn't think we should go to Christmas Eve because it's not a Catholic Church.  I keep trying to tell him that as long as we fill our "obligation" (still hate that word lol) to attend mass on Christmas, we're fine to also spend Christmas Eve service at my parent's church (also the church I grew up in). 

Who is right here?  As long as it's not impeding on our obligations, I don't see what's wrong with attending a Lutheran church once per year to celebrate the holiday with my family.  We also do not go to communion at this service.

stantokm

I agree with you.  FH grew up Mennonite so whenever we visit his parents, we try to go to Saturday evening Mass to free up Sunday morning to go to Mennonite services with his mom.  I don't feel any less Catholic by attending and I know that it makes my FMIL very happy.  We haven't attended on a day when they give communion, but I, too, wouldn't go up if they did.

And you're right: Christmas Mass satisfies the "obligation."

bibliophile2010

I've done that several times: attended a Presbyterian service with my family then gone to Midnight Mass. I know there is generally nothing wrong with other services within limits and if you otherwise fulfil your obligation. That said, if your H doesn't feel comfortable, I wouldn't want to force him to go against his conscience.

Chelsea, one thing to consider is that next year, it is likely that you might not be overly eager to take your LO to 2 services. Sometimes, getting through one is hard enough! Heck, we plan  on attending the early "family Mass" so we can put C to bed without wrecking havoc on her schedule. Someday, we'll be able to go to later masses with her, but this isn't that year.  With that in mind, you might want to think of this as a first year for new traditions (just Mass) or a last year for old ones (both services).

chelseamb11

Bibli, that is a really good point!  We'll definitely be keeping an open mind with the little one next year

agapecarrie

From what I remember, the apologists on Catholic Answers don't think its a good idea to go to non-Catholic churches, with the exception of a funeral or a wedding. I don't know if Chritmas eve would count in those special circumstances. I'm trying to search for the question there.

agapecarrie

THis isn't the exact issue, but it touches on it:

http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=349899

The thing though CHelsea, is your husband has been entrusted with the spiritual welfare of you and your family. If he is feeling unrest about it, perhaps this is one thing to follow his lead on... you know... "submit".

Resa77

TBH, I agree with Chelsea.  I hate going to non-Catholic services, because they're just awkward and uncomfortable for me (no sign of the cross, I don't know what's going on, etc).  However, this isn't about the service as much as it's about family and tradition. It's not a regular habit, and it's not like you're doing this instead. 

That being said, it's not just about who is "right" and who is "wrong."  It's also about you and your H feeling comfortable.  I would recommend that you calmly and completely explain your feelings on the situation. Ask him not to make a decision right away, but to think about it/pray about it for a couple of days.  At least then you'll know that you made your point, and that your H heard it.  Sometimes it's easier to trust someone else's opinion/decision when you know they know all the facts

Calypso1977

i think your H is right.

growing up, we were taught that as catholics we could only worship in catholic churches and that we werent allowed to participate in services or prayers in other churches.

but i grew up in a pretty strict household.

professorscience

We will go to church services with my grandparents if they want to go, we just don't participate in things like communion when we are there.  It doesn't really make us uncomfortable -- we'll go to a later mass or one on Saturday night to fulfill our obligation.  I just like making my family happy.  It really doesn't happen as often as it used to, though.  Usually we are travelling on Sunday so there's no time for church, and the church I was raised in doesn't do special Christmas services.

chelseamb11

It's not that H is uncomfortable. He just thinks it's against the "rules".  He said that if it's okay to go, he's fine with going.  He's just being sure we're doing the right thing

Calypso1977

i suppose its one thing if you dont have kids because you are making a decision that you've thought out and you understand they why's and why not's.

i would think it would be extremely confusing if you had a young child to be attending services in multiple denominations, particuarly if you are trying to raise that child in the catholic faith.

but it almost seems like if this is your first married christmas, then it makes sense to set the precedent now as you could easily say "we married in a catholic church, we've made a commitment to a catholic marriage and life, and as such we dont feel it appropriate to attend services in another denomination, but we would be happy to be at the house getting dinner and munchies ready so we can all celebrate the eve together when you return from your services". 

lalaith50

It's hard to say... I agree with so many points of PP's.... for me personally, my dad is Lutheran, and sometimes while growing up we would go to Lutheran services for special events, and even now, (as a "super traditional" Catholic,) I can't find anything wrong with that. 

Having read both JPII's as well as the 2nd Vatican council's documents on "ecumenism," I'm *pretty sure* (but willing to be corrected) that one or both of them discusses the distinction of praying "regularly" with non-Catholics as the thing that's not ok... it's the rare special occasion that *is* acceptable. IMHO Christmas would fall under that. But I also see the point of your husband being the spiritual leader of the house... I think you both should read those documents on ecumenism (sorry can't remember the names; I'm sure a quick google search would tell you,) and see if what they say might apply to your situation and maybe discuss them together. (they're really not long.)

meltoine

I'd just like to point out that Christmas is not a Holy Day of Obligation, so technically there is no obligation to go to mass on Christmas. Though any day you go to mass is a good day. I don't think it's against any current rules,and if it's just one day per year and makes his family happy, why not?

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_christmas-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9f730716-591f-4417-97f8-5634c204ebeePost:6c45f1d7-7030-44ea-a585-6654d9829a76">Re: Christmas Eve</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd just like to point out that Christmas is not a Holy Day of Obligation, so technically there is no obligation to go to mass on Christmas. Though any day you go to mass is a good day. I don't think it's against any current rules,and if it's just one day per year and makes his family happy, why not?
Posted by meltoine[/QUOTE]

<div>Christmas IS a holy day of obligation</div>

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_christmas-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9f730716-591f-4417-97f8-5634c204ebeePost:3a15ba08-9ae2-42a7-9493-4a02d45cfc1b">Re: Christmas Eve</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Christmas Eve : Christmas IS a holy day of obligation
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

Yep. Every year! :)  Although I'd go anyways. I love Christmas Mass.  It's my favorite!

Calypso1977

christmas absolulely is a holy day of obligation.  where on earth did the idea come from that it isnt?

Riss91

I think people get confused because you can go to vigil mass on Christmas Eve....therefore you don't HAVE to go to mass on Christmas Day....

Calypso1977

perhaps - but saturday mass is the vigil mass, same concept.

Riss91

Yeah - I think some people think of it as "I go to mass on Christmas Eve, not Christmas Day. Therefore, you aren't obligated to go to mass on Christmas Day"