Catholic Weddings

Intro and question about flowers to Mary

Hi Ladies! I just realized that this board existed! Fi and I are getting married on March 23, 2013 in the church where I used to be an altar server and at the Parish where I went to school. We're about 8 months away from our wedding, and we have no idea what is going on with our ceremony because we can't get ahold of the Priest (we are OOT). Very frustrating... anyway I think this board will help a lot with some of the questions we have until we hear back from the Priest!

One thing I came across while meeting with a florist was flowers to Mary. I've never seen that before at a Catholic ceremony and wasn't even sure what they meant by it. Is that optional and are you ladies doing that during your ceremony? Thanks for any advice you can share :)
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Re: Intro and question about flowers to Mary

  • Tami87Tami87 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2012
    It is optional and not part of the wedding mass. Some parishes or priests may actually prefer that you do not do this, so you should double check. That being said, we decided to do flowers for Mary.

    After communion we took three long stem roses over to the statue of Mary, while our cantor sang Ave Maria. The church had a vase set up for us there. We then prayed a Hail Mary together and then prayed silently asking Mary to pray for us and our marriage. We then walked back up front for the final blessing and dismissal.

    Edited to Add:
    Welcome to the board! I'm glad you found us here. I was so focused on answering your question I forgot to say welcome first!
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  • Welcome!  And ditto to the others!  I chose not to do flowers to Mary, just because I tend to prefer to stick to the basics.  If you prefer not to do flowers, you can still incorporate a Marian hymn into the ceremony (I'm having the Magnificat sung during the presentation of gifts, for example).  It's a matter of preference, as long as the priest is okay with it.

     

  • Welcome!  We aren't doing flowers to Mary, it's not something I've seen before, and isn't mentioned anywhere in the information from my parish.  From what I've heard on this board, it seems to be optional, and will vary parish to parish.  Mine seems a little more strict than others (for example, we are not allowed to have a unity candle b/c it's not a traditional part of mass, while other Catholic churches will allow the unity candle ceremony) so I'm not sure if it would even be allowed, if we wanted to do it.  I do like the suggestion of incorporating a Marian hymn into the mass somewhere, I'll have to keep that in mind.
  • Welcome!
    Everyone else has already answered your question so I just wanted to say hi.  :)

    My fiance and I are going to do the flowers to Mary since we met on Ave Maria Singles and both had (and have) a special devotion to Mary. 

    It is interesting how traditions vary.  Every Catholic wedding I've been to (with the exception of maybe one) has done the flowers to Mary so I just figured everyone did it.  My fiance said he had rarely seen it so I wonder if it regional as well as cultural. 

    Oh, and just want to say how glad I am that this board exists!  So few people focus on the important parts of the wedding day and marriage and it is great to have solid Catholic support on a site that so often advocates things completely opposite of my Catholic values.

  • Thank you ladies! I'm not sure what we'll do yet, will wait to talk to the Priest, but I do really appreciate all the helpful feedback and information! :) I think the Marian hymn is a very good idea if we don't do the flowers. I'm glad this board is here too, its so easy to get wrapped up in planning for the reception and other aspects of the wedding that the ceremony details sometimes get pushed to the side.
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  • I was planning on doing it, but as of right now we are not having communion. Is it alright to still do it?
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  • We are not doing it, neither of us have a strong devotion to Mary. 

    Not to threadjack, but, not being a virgin, I have a strained relation with Mary and her place in the Church sometimes.  Everyone else ever felt this way?  It's like if you are not "perfect and pure" you are some sort of second class citizen.  I've been to confession but since it is impossible to regain that virgin status, it doesn't seem to matter.  Maybe it will evolve after we get married and eventually start a family.  I'm open to Mary and admire other people's commitments, but it is just not how I connect to my faith.
    We Do - Since November 3, 2012
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  • I've always thought about her more in the sense of a mother figure and a role model for saying yes to God's will.
    There were plenty of times in my life where my relationship with my mother was not good and I'd turn to Mary to talk to her about some of the things most other girls would talk about with their mom. 
  • Tami87Tami87 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_intro-and-question-about-flowers-to-mary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:a06342c4-50d0-4e16-a809-cbc3bda189fcPost:61daea6c-5198-4e44-a446-666ef84e180d">Re: Intro and question about flowers to Mary</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was planning on doing it, but as of right now we are not having communion. Is it alright to still do it?
    Posted by pittpoint1119[/QUOTE]

    One of my friends also did not have communion and she still gave flowers to Mary. I forget exactly where it occurred in the ceremony though. I believe it is still before the final blessing and dismissal but you should double check with the priest who is marrying you and it is up to him anyway when it occurs.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_intro-and-question-about-flowers-to-mary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:a06342c4-50d0-4e16-a809-cbc3bda189fcPost:c3173480-cd8d-4e9a-bbf3-53888238d8bd">Re: Intro and question about flowers to Mary</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are not doing it, neither of us have a strong devotion to Mary.  Not to threadjack, but, not being a virgin, I have a strained relation with Mary and her place in the Church sometimes.  Everyone else ever felt this way?  It's like if you are not "perfect and pure" you are some sort of second class citizen.  I've been to confession but since it is impossible to regain that virgin status, it doesn't seem to matter.  Maybe it will evolve after we get married and eventually start a family.  I'm open to Mary and admire other people's commitments, but it is just not how I connect to my faith.
    Posted by kgrawedding[/QUOTE]

    It may be true that Mary was an ever-virgin and never sinned, but there's certainly other reasons that we all can connect to her.  I connect to her thinking about all that she suffered through, and how she accepted God's will.  She must have been so scared to be a pregnant virgin in a society that could stone her, and she must have been devastated to see her only son murdered on the cross.  But she had such faith despite her sorrow!  That's what inspires me.  And being the mother to Christ, I feel like she is the model for mothers everywhere.  And even if you don't ever have biological children, all women are called to be mothers to the world, so Mary is the perfect model for that.

    Of course, I'm not saying you have to have some special devotion to Mary.  It's not a big deal if you don't, I'm just explaining why I feel a connection to her.

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  • Oh and I forgot to welcome you, OP!  I definitely love this board too.

    I haven't talked to the priest about it yet, but if he allows it, we'd like to present flowers to Mary.  What we'd actually like to do is make a small crown of flowers and place it on her head.

    SaveSave
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_intro-and-question-about-flowers-to-mary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:a06342c4-50d0-4e16-a809-cbc3bda189fcPost:9f086600-a518-46c4-b4f7-e4e888ad3d64">Re: Intro and question about flowers to Mary</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I've always thought about her more in the sense of a mother figure and a role model for saying yes to God's will. </strong>There were plenty of times in my life where my relationship with my mother was not good and I'd turn to Mary to talk to her about some of the things most other girls would talk about with their mom. 
    Posted by jenjlgsings[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  I've heard many women ask for the strength and guidance to follow in her example as a wife and (especially) a mother.  I never thought about how not being a virgin might somehow disconnect me from the blessed mother.</div><div>
    </div><div>OP: Welcome and congrats!  As to your communication issue, I would relax.  I think most churches wait until the month or so before a wedding to sit down with the bride and groom to work out the details.  In my case, I got to go in a little early because I called and explained that I'm a teacher and wanted to take care of everything during the summer before everything got crazy.  You might try something like that -- I would see if there's a church wedding coordinator and explain that you're from OOT and could you please schedule a time to come in so that you and FI can make travel arrangements?</div><div>
    </div><div>We basically were given the Together for Life book and wouldn't have met with the priest beforehand if we hadn't invited him over for dinner.  Even then we didn't talk weddings.  And everything was still beautiful and everyone loved our ceremony.  =)</div>
    Anniversary

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  • We are doing it. I have always thought it was a beautiful thing to do and our church is a St. Mary's. :)
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  • Thank you! I actually finally spoke to the Priest last night! The church doesn't have a wedding coordinator and I was concerned about whether we'd have to find our own musicians, but thankfully the Priest gave me the music director's information and it turns out, I went to Catholic school with him! We are getting married in March, so we'll be meeting with the Priest around Christmastime to go over what we put in the Together for Life booklet for the ceremony. I just feel better now that we have some of our other questions answered and I thank all of you for your help :)
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