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Catholic Weddings

Full Mass vs. Ceremony

My FI and I are getting married on May 19th.  We met with our priest last weekend to go over some of the details of our ceremony and as a follow-up, he sent me an outline to include in our programs.  I immediately noticed that it did not include the Liturgy of the Eucharist.  When I asked him about this, his response (via email) was, "You are having a ceremony, not a full Mass."

I have a message in for him and I'm waiting for a phone call, but I feel confused!  From the beginning, we had expressed that our intentions were to have a full Mass.  We are both practicing Catholics and it is important to us to receive Communion together and to celebrate our marriage within the context of a Mass.  Other than a miscommunication, are there reasons to have a ceremony only?  Am I over-stressing the importance of having a full Mass?

I have been lurking here for a while and all of you have been so helpful (and kind)!  Thank you. Smile

Re: Full Mass vs. Ceremony

  • Eliz77Eliz77 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited April 2012
    My guess is a miscommunication has taken place. Maybe you referred to it as a ceremony and that is what he wrote down? When he calls back, you'll be able to clear it up. Good luck! 

    ~ES~
  • Since you are both Catholic you SHOULD have a mass. I hope its just a miscommunication. The only reason 2 catholics might not have a mass is if pretty much everyone coming is not Catholic, and even then that's not the best reason, and that decision would have to be made with you, not for you. 
  • If you're both Catholics, then having a full Mass is a GREAT thing to do! You're definitely not overstressing the importance! The only other reason I can think of is, are either of your families very not-Catholic? I think I've heard of priests discouraging couples from having wedding Masses if it will be, for example, "too obvious" that their parents can't participate or something. Hopefully it will all be straightened out when you talk to the priest again, but I'm really curious *why* or *where* he got the idea that you weren't havgin a full Mass, especially if you explicitly said you were? :-/
    Anniversary
  • I agree with pp. It is not typical for a Catholic couple to NOT have a ceremony within mass. Usually you only have a ceremony outside of mass if one person isn't Catholic, or if the couple requests a ceremony-only.

    Speak to the priest again - maybe his misunderstood something you said? If he still belives you shouldn't have mass, find out his reasoning (and let us know). If he doesn't have a good reason, I'd find another priest!
  • Thank you all so much! I was starting to feel like I was being crazy.  It is helpful to hear from other people that I'm not off base here.

    I know that we have stated that we want a full mass, but we have also discussed with him that many of our guests will not be Catholic.  My mother was Jewish (but passed away many years ago), so her side of the family is obviously not able to fully participate, but they understand and are supportive of our decision to have a mass.

    I'm also very curious how this miscommunication happened.  I will definitely come back with an update as soon as I hear from our priest. 
  • Melissa,
    We had dinner with my ILs' parish priest one night (before we were married), and my MIL turned to the priest and said, "Okay.  How do I make Professor's parents comfortable with this Catholic wedding?"  I won't get into how that was totally unprovoked and she was being a little meddlesome, but the priest looked at H and I and just flat-out asked, "Why are you having a full mass if half the guests will be excluded?"

    So the priest may have just made this assumption if you gave him the info you just gave us.

    Regardless, it is still your decision as a couple, which is what H and I told my family and their priest (who did not celebrate our marriage but was just being helpful).  I hope you get this resolved quickly!
    Anniversary

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  • In Response to Re: Full Mass vs. Ceremony:
    [QUOTE]Melissa, We had dinner with my ILs' parish priest one night (before we were married), and my MIL turned to the priest and said, "Okay.  How do I make Professor's parents comfortable with this Catholic wedding?"  I won't get into how that was totally unprovoked and she was being a little meddlesome, but the priest looked at H and I and just flat-out asked, "Why are you having a full mass if half the guests will be excluded?" So the priest may have just made this assumption if you gave him the info you just gave us. Regardless, it is still your decision as a couple, which is what H and I told my family and their priest (who did not celebrate our marriage but was just being helpful).  I hope you get this resolved quickly!
    Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]

    Thanks, Professor.  I can see how things may not have been clear to our priest.  Hopefully he'll call me soon so that we can figure this out.
  • if you and your FI want mass, tehn you shoudl absolutely have mass.  what the guests want or dont want is irrelevant.
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