Setting the date with the priest?

hkeating

I called my parish to request the availablity of a date and was told we first have to meet with the pastor before setting the date. I've never heard of this before. I know of the pre cana classes but I thought that was at least 6 months before the wedding. I'm slightly confused for the need to sit down with him when trying to set the date.

Has anyone else had to do this? and what do you think the need for it is? We have been parishoners for about a year and a half. We have both been Catholics all our lives.

catarntina

I think this is quite common, actually.  He probably just wants to chat, and maybe get the ball rolling on the paperwork.  I think you should meet with the priest, especially if he will be doing the ceremony.  You need to make sure that there aren't any other folks who already have your date booked.  Priest needs to make sure the date doesn't fall during Lent and Advent.  This is really quite common to do ... I'm not sure what the issue is?

agapecarrie

Actually, the date should never be set before the pre-marital investigation and and discernment portions are done. When one gets a date, they start financially investing in deposits and such when the wedding may have to be delayed for whatever reason.

[Deleted User]

While I agree with the pp, that was not the case in our situation. We knew our Priest very well and once we became engaged, we set the date & started the paperwork.

Don't take it personally, bc it is common. The Church has a very systematic way of doing the marriage prep and what not as they want to make sure you are truly aware of what you are getting into, etc. As far as the pre cana goes, this varies by church/dioceses and Priest. For example, we moved shortly after getting engaged, so our pre cana meetings with the priest were finished up where we moved to and joined the new parish. But since we got married back in our home state, we had to fullfill those requirements as well which meant doing the Engaged Encounter weekend.

Just go and talk with the Priest, have an open mind and he will get you all set up and on the right track. Nothing to fret over. Good luck!

meltoine

The priest wants to meet with you to make sure neither of you has any impediments to marriage, such as a previous marriage that hasn't been annulled or any other condition that would prevent you from getting married in the Church. 

It's a very necessary part of his job, and I'm sure you'd be upset if they just let you set a date for a year from now and you started booking all kinds of vendors just to find at 6 months out, when you started pre-Cana, that there is some reason you can't get married in the Church and now you've lost your deposits and have no way out. 

hkeating

In no way am I opposed to meeting with him to set the date, I just have never heard of it being done. I have several friends who are Catholic and it wasn't done this way. Thus the reason I asked. Thanks for the responses.

ootmother2

We had to choose an out of town church because the bride & groom wanted to be married on Cape Cod.  (long family history)

The groom's parents lived in a town on the Cape but had just recently moved there so the groom had no history with that church.  The B&G looked at a couple of near by churches that could accomodate the number of guests and found a lovely church just a couple of towns over.  The called the pastor and explained that they both lived out of town but would love to be married in that church.  The pastor was more than accomodating and arranged for their pre cana (off the Cape) and for the confirmation of the groom (at that church) before the wedding.  (He had missed confirmation changing from public school to a Catholic prep school).

They chose the church 15 months before the wedding and there wer no problems at all.booking that far out.

MobKaz

Although my daughter did not have to physically meet with our parish pastor, (we have been in the parish 18 years), she and her fiance did have to submit copies of their baptism, First Communion and Confirmation.  It is stated very clearly in our parish bulletin that NOTHING be booked until they have confirmed a date with the  parish office. 

Theresa626

We didn't meet with the priest but with the wedding coordinator.  They want to make sure they go over every detail with you about what is required of you before they give you a date.  

GulfCoaster

We had to meet with the priest at my parish before setting the date, and the parish told us pretty clearly that we shouldn't book any vendors until meeting with the priest.  I think that's pretty normal...  he wants to make sure that you are eligible to marry in the Church before you commit to a date and start spending your money.

crb3754

Yes, I had to meet with my priest before he would set our day for us. He wrote it in his calendar so he wouldn't give it to anyone else but before it was "locked in" we had to meet with him. Our meeting lasted 30mins to an hr. He just filled out a paper with our names and address and our parents names. He also asked a few question like, have you ever been married before and are you blood related at all. my finace' isn't catholic so he asked if he was baptized and if he celebrates his religion because he could have his minister come to the catholic church and do the ceremony along with my priest. He will also let you know about the class you have to take as a couple at least 6 months prior to the date you would like.

Calypso1977

we had our first meeting with the priest (after we submitted all of the baptism records, etc.)  at the meeting, we filled out some paperwork, went over the plan for pre-cana and set our date. 

bibliophile2010

We are meeting with the Marriage Prep coordinator (who acts in the priests' stead at our parish) in two weeks (schedule coordination issues prevented us from doing it sooner).  We'll do all that initial stuff and look at dates then. Is it a little frustrtating to not be able to do more planning right now? Yes. But I know that this is the most important element of getting married for both FI and I.   From what I've seen when visiting various parishes as well as on the boards it is far more typical to have to meet with the priest/church to set a date than not.

I know that reading books, articles, etc. about wedding planning always seems to put the ceremony location behind the reception location or to treat it as an afterthought, but the Catholic Church rightfully sees their part as the most important part of the wedding day. You are receiving the Sacrament of Marriage. That's BIG. Treat the Church as your VIP vendor, and things will feel much smoother.

mica178

It's very usual to have to meet with the priest before he'll book the date with you.  During our last meeting with our priest, he admitted that even then, the date is pencilled in until the diocese approves the marriage, and then the date is really set.  If you live far away from the church where you plan on getting married, you might be able to have a phone conversation and send the important paperwork over, but the priest needs to make sure that you're even eligible to marry in the church before he'll pen you in.