Who's here???

Resa77

It's been so quiet lately!!  What's going on with everyone?

I bought my dress today during my lunch break!  I found it last night, and decided to sleep on it.  Went back today and knew it was THE dress!  So excited!

Besides that, I've been getting a bit of judgment from people about not living with FI until we're married.  They tell me we won't know that we're suited for each other until we know whether or not we get along living together.  I mean, what if he doesn't put his dirty clothes in the hamper!??!  I can't help but laugh at the idea that you need to live with someone to basically judge all their flaws and decide whether you can tolerate them.  Shouldn't you be willing to compromise?  You know, try to get better with your annoying habits, and try to cut a little slack for your spouse?  If you can't compromise over little stuff, how can you expect to compromise on big things, like what house to buy, what city to live in, etc?  Idk, it just annoys me.  I don't really care if other people cohabitate, but I don't think it makes them better prepared for marriage.

Anywho...what's up with all of you?

professorscience

Dude, that's such a load.  Statistically, couples who cohabitate before marriage have a higher divorce rate than couples who don't.

Congrats on your dress!  That's so exciting!  Do you have pics?

We're doing a unit on animal homeostasis, so we're talking about all the body systems.  It's a great unit, but I've been at central administration writing curriculum for the last two days, so we are playing catch-up!

Calypso1977

i honestly did not learn one thing about my H that i didnt already know about him once we moved in together.  nothing shocked/surprised me about his habits.  it was tough to adjust to living with someone, but you get over it and it works out.  tell them all to stuff it Resa!

shawna127

ditto what professor said on the divorce rates!  Who cares what they are saying, once they are divorced and you're not then go back a talk to them lol. Okay that was a little harsh, not all of them will get divorced but I get the same thing too and it is frustrating.  What you really want to say is "sorry for trying to do the morally correct thing."  Anyway, I'll get off my soap box and on to happier things, you got your dress!! That is super exciting!  I bet it is beautiful! )

Resa77

I think I was just SO shocked, you know?  I mean, I get that people are pretty used to/accepting of cohabitation, but I just didn't expect to be criticized for waiting til marriage!!

stardreamer1223

My FI and I have been together for over 11 years. You should see the looks and hear the comments people have about us not living together and "what do you mean you don't have kids yet?!" when the majority of these people have already been divorced, while children from different partners, etc. It's amazing.

Congrats on the dress! I just found mine a few weeks ago and cannot wait for it to get here!! Now searching for shoes and veil YAY!

Kamakanani

I've been super busy at work getting ready for the upcoming holidays (Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, etc).  Also, FI's 30th bday is Sunday, so I'm planning a surprise for him on Saturday night.  Won't say here, in case he tries to peek, but it'll be a fun evening.

OH, also we got initial communications from the couple that will be our sponsor couple, so pretty exciting!

Riss91

ahhh the age old "need to live together in order to know you want to marry them" nonsense. I also like the "I need to have premarital sex with multiple people so I know I'm marrying the right person for me". Cuz, ya know, loving each other isn't going to work all that out.

If you don't think you know them well enough without living together, or are too scared of what "habits" they may have that annoy you, then you probably shouldn't be getting married.

I've known my husband for 15 years, in a relationship for 12, married for 2. Didn't live together before marriage and I had no worries at all. In fact, living together has been really friggin easy - mainly because we love each other to death and care more about each other and our relationship than the little nuisances.

bibliophile2010

The whole "must have sex and live together before marriage" thing gets me too. I also heard a lot about it from other people who were shocked that we didn't live together before marriage. I haven't been surprised by anything either. Sure, getting used to living with a new person always takes some work and compromise, but getting to eat dinner, go to sleep and wake up next to my H makes it worth it. And I fell such comfort and joy knowing that we saved those things for when we were married.

This has been a long week. We have had spirit week at school and the kids are getting worked up. Plus, I have to chaperone a dance tomorrow night, which I really don't enjoy doing. At.all. Looking forward to the weekend.

MedStudent13

I'm totally with you on this one. I'm getting lots of flack from my cousin about not sleeping with my fiance before the wedding. She's all like, "boy your first time is going to suck!" I just don't get her logic, wouldn't the first time suck just as much if we had sex now or a year from now?!
Also just so that we all are informed:
Studies show that couples that HABITUALLY co habitate with partners before marriage do have higher divorce rates. HOWEVER studies have also shown that couples who live with each other before their weddings actually have lower divorce rates. I'm not agreeing with the practice, I just think we should all know what we're talking about :-)

agapecarrie

That's not what I read. The difference that I've read about is when a couple moves in together while they are just casually dating vs. moving in when a marriage is imminent. 

The habitual part wasn't part of the equation in the stuff I've read. 

professorscience

The study I referenced involved people who lived together before the conversation of marriage entered the picture.  They found that people who were used to a casual cohabitation relationship where they could "escape" at any time were less likely to survive any kind of marriage turmoil.  That's different from two people who choose to live together six months prior to their wedding for financial or whatever reasons.

It's still an immature line of thinking brought on by the desire for instant gratification.  FI and I live in the same apartment complex -- feet away from one another, so we are constantly in each other's company, but we are keeping separate homes until our wedding.  On occasion he has been so tired he just falls asleep at my place, but in those instances we sleep in separate rooms.

FI catches more flack over abstinence than I do.  My girlfriends have teased me about it before, but our guyfriends just cannot compute.

Although, we have two other couple-friends who were recently married, and apparently there are bets going around as to which of us will get pregnant first, and bets are on the other two couples because, "They were having tons of sex already and are going to get careless."

halfbrit

We live together but haven't had sex...you should have seen the priest's face when he learned that we lived together but abstained!  He turned bright red and apologized for making assumptions.  It was so hard not to start giggling in the middle of our interview.  Wedding night will be awesome, but I'm having some major fears about him hating it. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_whos-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:be5babc7-4231-4520-af2d-d4662039d3f7Post:808729d3-9f92-4911-9bcd-87e241e1e915">Re: Who's here???</a>:
[QUOTE]That's not what I read. The difference that I've read about is when a couple moves in together while they are just casually dating vs. moving in when a marriage is imminent.  The habitual part wasn't part of the equation in the stuff I've read. 
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

This is what our priest said as well.

lv2011

I feel for you on getting flack for not living together. Its not anyone's business but your own what and how you do things in your private life. That said, my fiance and I get a lot of crap for living together before we're married. But we knew we wanted to get married to eachother before we moved in. It was mostly for financial and practicality, and not for the "getting to know eachother better" nonsense that people sometimes spew. Or for sex.  We try to abstain, but we're not always successful (blushing). I think it sucks though that people assume we're doing it all the time and not even trying to live a "Catholic" lifestyle.

Don't listen to other people. I've learned that a lot of the time people just gripe on others to make themselves feel better about their own choices.

As for what's going on with me: One Year To Go Until I Get To Marry My Best Friend!!! I'm so excited

Riss91

In Response to Re: Who's here???:
[QUOTE I think it sucks though that people assume we're doing it all the time and not even trying to live a "Catholic" lifestyle.
Posted by lv2011[/QUOTE]

This bugs me a lot. Even our closest friends who knew how devout we were automatically assumed we were having sex - we weren't living together. If my husband told them we weren't, they'd say "Pshhhh yeah, okay!". They claim they don't think it's possible to have that kind of self control. But really, they don't want to admit that they could have that self control if they exercised it. So, they'd like to make it into a "that's impossible" scenario, so that they don't have to admit that they're choosing to give in to something that they have the power to prevent. I guess it helps them sleep better at night..... I say, you're the master of your choices, so own them and don't make yourself a helpless victim. But, don't make assumptions that I am unable to control myself, merely because you choose not to control yourself.

Jasmine&Rajah

I am always astounded when people express surprise that DH and I actually follow the teachings of Catholicism.  I  usually smile and say - as warmly as possible - "That's why we choose to be Catholic . . . because we agree with it and believe in it." 

Oh, well.  John 15:19, right?  And as the song goes, "This world's not my home/I'm only passing through."  ;-)

agapecarrie

On what Riss said, a common chastity one liner is: "If you can't say no, what does it mean when you say yes"

Riss91

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_whos-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:be5babc7-4231-4520-af2d-d4662039d3f7Post:77176368-8dea-4f39-a414-9581052aeb5e">Re: Who's here???</a>:
[QUOTE]On what Riss said, a common chastity one liner is: "If you can't say no, what does it mean when you say yes"
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

Never heard that - that's a good one!