Catholic Weddings

Is this likely?

This post requires a bit of background here.  I am Californian, was raised Presbyterian, and still follow it. My fiance is English, half Maltese half Scottish, and was raised Catholic. His parents were, if not still are (hard to tell sometimes) very Catholic, and in fact were shocked he was dating a Protestant when they first found out. (They have since become fine with this, and have secretly admitted to us that I'm the favorite of his and his four siblings' other halves).  FI went to Catholic school his whole life, and says that he always thought that the Catholic church needed to reform in certain ways.  When he first came to church with me, he said his thoughts were "wait... you already do all of that". He subsequently went through an existential crisis upon the realisation that he was actually, in terms of religious beliefs, Protestant.  He still identifies as culturally Catholic, though plans to join the Presby church we have been attending (me for over five years, him when he was out visiting) when he finally moves.

As you may have guessed, our wedding will be in a Presbyterian church.  This will be a huge deal for his family; among his mothers' side, of which he is one of the youngest cousins (and his mother's one of nine!), this will be the first wedding that is permitted in the Catholic church that will not take place in one. (There have been second weddings in registry offices).  I've lurked on this forum before, and we have discussed things we have learned on here, such as him not being able to take Communion in a Catholic church, etc. He is fine with this, does not care.  Any future children, we also plan to raise Presby.

However, here's the question.  It is very important to his parents to have a priest involved in some way, whether it be to offer a blessing, a prayer, doesn't matter what role they just want one involved somehow if at all possible.  We are willing to go along with this out of respect for them and the way that they raised him (also, not a hill we're willing to die on. Our wedding's already so multicultural weird we might as well add some more)

I have e-mailed a few local Catholic churches asking about this, asking if a priest would be willing to do this.  I have not received a response from any.  My question, is it at all likely or even permissible to have a Catholic priest do this?  I know the Vatican's rules on marriage can be pretty strict, but I don't know anything about their policies on priests offering a prayer at a wedding that will not officially be recognised by the Church? Since I haven't gotten any replies to my inquiries, would it help to go talk to them in person?  Since you gals here seem to know more than I can find out anywhere else, I figured this would be the place to ask.  Thanks for the help.

Re: Is this likely?

  • Hi, Deanna!  From my understanding, it is quite unlikely--perhaps even impossible--that a Catholic priest would participate in a non-Catholic ceremony in which the Catholic spouse intends to leave the Church and does not agree to raise future children in the Church.  Under special circumstances, dispensation may be given for a Catholic to marry in another Christian church and for a Catholic priest to officiate/co-officiate.  (For example, a good friend of mine married his Protestant wife in a Presbyterian chapel with a Catholic priest officiating so that the bride's grandfather, a retired Protestant minister, could participate.)  As other ladies on the board who have more expertise in Canon law see your inquiry, they should be able to provide a more conclusive response.  Blessings & best wishes!
    "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!" (Isaiah 43:1)
  • edited June 2012
    I really think that it is unlikely that a priest would/could participate. However, I do think that having a discusion with a priest in person is probably much more likely to get you an answer. Is it possible for you to make an appt with your future in-law's priest? Or even for them to ask on your behalf? Priests are much more likely to respond to people whom they have some connection to, than to respond to somebody they don't know emailing them out of nowhere.
  • I would also guess that it's extremely unlikely, especially since your fiance and his parents have no connection to California and the Catholic community there.

    I honestly think your better option is your fiance being firm with his parents and letting them know that this is his choice. They will probably be really upset for a bit (and rightfully so -- I can only imagine how hard it would be for my child to leave the Church), but my guess is they will soften after some time. If he is truly ok with leaving the Church (which is a whole other issue IMO), he needs to be open, honest, and do it.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • it sounds like your fiance is planning to convert to presbyterianism.  IMO, a catholic priest then has no business being at the ceremony nor could be probably even participate or make it a valid catholic marriage considering that your fiance would not be able to answer in the affirmative to living a catholic marriage and raising his children catholic. 

    he should tell his parents that he's actually doing a greater disrespect to the catholic church by having a priest there if he does not beleive in that faith anymore. 
  • Thanks for the input. As for his leaving Catholicism, I think his parents are just grateful we're actively following any form of Christianity, as none of his four siblings do anymore.  It just took them a bit because they were raised in areas heavily influenced by denomination, in the age before the Vatican lifted its' excommunication of all Protestants that was put in place in the Reformation.  I think they just want affirmation of the way they raised him, since we're taking such a different path than they did.

    I'll go ahead and talk to a couple priests when I get the chance (there's one just up the street from both the church we're marrying at (where I grew up), and the one we currently attend).  If no one's willing to do so, I'm sure they'll understand. At least we'll have tried.

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