Tuesday Questions

Resa77

Anyone have any questions?  I have a few (feel free not to answer, it's just me being curious/nosy, and trying to get some conversation going!)

1.  How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married?
2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith?
3.  How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?

Resa77

1.  I'm 25 (26 on Thursday!!), and will be 26 in August when I get married.  Not yet married, so of course I don't think I'm too young (I just have a LOT of friends who got married a few years ago and think they were too young...not that they're trying to get divorced or anything, but they just realize they were too young to handle marriage at the time)

2.  I really questioned my faith after HS.  I had been pretty sheltered growing up, so I was suddently presented with ideas and arguments I'd never considered.  I waivered between VERY devout to VERY doubtful throughout college.  Over time, though, I was able to reconcile my beliefs.  I really wish more people who doubted the Church would actually RESEARCH lol! 

3.  While I don't think it's wrong for women to work or whatever, I do think having a SAH-parent is VERYbeneficial to children.  Unfortunately, it's not really practical in today's economy.  I hope to be a SAHM when I have children, which is my only reason for wanting to postpone having children.  That being said, I don't think it has to be the mother who stays home.  I know couples where the mother is a doctor or lawyer or whatever, and is extremely good at what she does.  The father stays at home and does a really good job caring for the children.  The kids seem happy, and the couple seems happy.  I don't have a problem with that.

professorscience

1.  How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married? I'm 27, was 26 when we were married.  I don't think we were too young, and while I tend to side-eye some of the girls I know who get engaged in college and married the weekend after graduation, I sometimes wish we'd gotten married sooner.  Looking at where we are now, though, I think getting married sooner would have been a huge mistake.  When we graduated, H was unemployed and my first year teaching was SO stressful.  I found myself resenting the fact that he got to sit around my apartment and watch TV and hang out with my dog all day.  I'm really happy with the way things have fallen into place.
2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith?  Absolutely.  I was raised Church of Christ, and I remember being fairly strong in my faith up until my junior year of high school.  We'd moved to a really small town with one church, and I started realizing around sophomore or junior year that the preacher there was a real jerk.  At first I just told my parents I wasn't going to go worship there with him in charge.  Eventually, I found another church farther away (pastored by the guy's dad, ironically) that I really loved.  Obviously I "fell away" from that faith, too, when I became Catholic.  
3.  How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?  I certainly don't want to raise my children into thinking they have to fit a certain mold -- that my sons have to be these macho tough guys or my daughters have to find a husband or they'll die.  That said, I think I'd love to stay home with my children.  I didn't choose teaching for the hours (because really, they're insane), but it is a nice profession to be in for someone wanting a family.

Calypso1977

1. How old are you/how old were you when you got married? Do you think you were too young when you got married? i was 31, just shy of 32.  i thought this was a good age.  i never wanted to marry before 30.  

2. Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith?  i was way from the church for a brief period, when my family and i transitioned out of SSPX and were trying to find the right path and normalcy.

 3. How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?  things were certainly more simple when everyone lived this way, but i personally couldnt do it.  I also think that in this day and age it can be detrimental.  i know many dads who have to work so much to support their families because they are living on one income that they have little to no relationship with their children.  mom ends up making the majority of parenting decisions with regard to things like discpline, what attire is appropriate for their child (more so, obviously, with girls) and what "must have" their kid "needs" simply because they are the one home dealing with the kids every day.  not saying it is this way in all homes that choose this route, but i think you have to be careful.  i also know several women who have zero idea how much money their family has or even how to pay bills because the husband does it all.  i worry for them what they would do if their husband died suddenly.  1 or 2 of them i do not think could take care of themselves which is very scary to me.  my mother was a working mother and i dont think my childhood was less happy because of it.  my parents always made sure at least one of them was at every school event or sporting event, and more often than not, tehy both were.  and this was in the 80's when things like flex time wasnt as accepted/practiced.

erin5286

Great questions!

1.  How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married?
I just turned 26, and will be 26 still when I get married, FI will be 31.  I don't think 26 is too young to get married, and honestly I'm glad I waited until this age.  If I think about how different I was even a few years ago, I just don't know that I would've been really ready.  My parents got engaged after only dating for 6 months (they'd known eachother for longer), and were around 24 and 26 when they married - they've been happily married for almost 35 years.  I think overall it's no so much age as maturity level, and whether the parties are going into it with common goals, understanding, and agreement on how they'll face whatever comes up.

2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith?
I started to drift away more once I was in college and no longer going to Mass every week with my family, it just got so easy to do other things.   I still always went when I visited home, and never felt like completely disagreed with being a Catholic or no longer wanted to follow it, but I guess you could say I got lazy.  Once FI and I started dating we got a little better about attending together, and it helped that both of our families were Catholic so there was support on both sides.  Since becoming engaged and starting marriage prep, I'm coming around even more.

3.  How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?
I grew up in a family with a stay at home mom and dad who worked, and I really enjoyed it.  I always loved having my mom around after school and on weekends, and even the little things like her being able to bring me something at school when I forgot it at home, or being able to stay home with me if I was sick without the difficulty of figuring out time off of her own job, etc.  I wouldn't trade what I had growing up at all, but I do feel that my mom might've missed out some things - for example, the friendships and social interaction that I have with co-workers.  If I could stay at home, which I don't think will ever be financially possible, I'm not sure I would do it full time.  Maybe part-time, so I could still have a job, or volunteer, or just make sure I still kept some activities that were "my own."  Overall, I think the "traditional" gender roles are great if that's what works for the family, but there's no right or only way.  Lots of men would be great stay-at-home dads, and families with both parents working are perfectly fine too!

caitriona87

1.       How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married?

We were both 21, just shy of 22 when we got married (our birthdays are 3 weeks apart.) It was younger than I had imagined myself getting married, for sure, though I always wanted to get married young-ish. He first 6ish months were a bit hard because he was still in undergrad and I was working but overall I look back extremely fondly on that time. I don’t wish we waited at all, though I admit that now at 25 I would look at a 21 year old getting married and think “Gee, that’s young,” lol. Recently we stumbled across a letter I wrote to him the night before our wedding and it actually made clear that we knew very well the gravity of marriage and what we were getting into—about as well as any unmarried 21yo’s possibly could.

2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith?

Yes—I never fell all the way away, and never even missed Mass, but in my last year of high school/first year of college I was living really sinfully and making lots of bad confessions & sacrilegious communions, unfortunately. My behavior inevitably infected my attitude toward God & the Church. I remember being asked by a friend to go to daily Mass my freshman year of college and my thought was “why would anybody ever do that?” It just fell very much to the periphery of my life. After transferring schools I met a lot of really faithful Catholics (including my H) who inspired me to do better and I had a reversion.

 

3.       How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?

I’m partial to them overall, though I realize it’s not a one-size-fits-all. My mom stayed home until I went to school and then after that she mostly worked, but her schedule was such that she was always home when I was. I’m hoping to go to part-time after this baby is born. I’m not opposed to SAHD’s in theory, but it would never work for us personally. For bigger families, which we hope to have, a SAHM becomes the most practical situation in most cases.

christinamarie325

1.  How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married? 

I'll be 25 when I get married in November. My Fiance is older than me (in his 30's)
I don't think I am too young. I was in a relationship during college that I was convinced would wind up as a marriage. I am thankful every day that did not happen. He wasn't religious, and my faith is very important to me. I did a lot of growing up after that, and I am very happy to have found a Catholic I love so so very much, that my heart could just burst with happiness.

2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith?

No, I am very happy to say that never happened to me. As I got older I matured out of taking being Catholic for granted, so to speak, and in the last year and a half especially, I have grown even stronger and happier in my faith. 

3.  How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?

I hate to think of having a child and then shipping it off to day-care until I get home. I think children need their parents around to guide them and help them grow. How can you expect a stranger to raise your child the way you would want it done? How can you expect them to want to even listen to you at the end of the day after spending time getting closer to someone at a day care?

I am lucky that the field I am in, I could do freelance work from home as a Graphic Designer. I also hope to become a certified dance teacher, and then I can teach classes a few evenings in the week. This will allow me plenty of time at home for my future children.

I grew up with my mom home during the day, and my dad home in the evening while my mom worked part time. I know my mom really wanted to be home, but my parents just couldn't afford it. I was also home schooled, so I spent a lot of time with my mom teaching me.

christinamarie325

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c385215a-1544-4bbf-8e64-f2bc871d2699Post:ca476719-bcbe-4510-867e-3cfd892a4e37">Re: Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]1.   i was way from the church for a brief period, when my family and i transitioned out of SSPX and were trying to find the right path and normalcy. [/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I am very curious about your history with SSPX. My FI is involved with them, I think due to a lot of misinformation about their standing with the church. I completely understand his love for the traditional Latin mass..but the SSPX itself is something we don't totally see eye-to-eye on.

</div>

Tami87

1.  How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married?
I turned 25 at the end of April and FI and I will both be 25 when we get married next month! I think for us this is a perfect age to get married and I don't feel too young.

2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith?
Growing up my mom and I kind of attended church sporadically (my dad's not Catholic). We started going weekly when I got older and became confirmed, but it still wasn't really a big deal for my family if we missed a Sunday. So when I started college I kind of continued going to mass occasionally when I felt like it. I always identified as Catholic more so than any other religion but I did a lot of questioning especially in high school and college and I wasn't really very involved.

FI and I started dating Junior year of college, and I started going to mass with him every week and going to more events at the student center. I believe I have missed like 2 Sundays in the 5 years we have been dating. I feel like I have grown a lot in my faith in the last few years, and my opinions on some things the church teaches have radically changed.


3.  How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?
I have a really hard time with this one. Both FI and I grew up with a stay at home mom and a dad who worked and traveled a lot for work. While I loved having my mom around and was able to participate in a bunch of activities because I had someone to drive me around all the time, I also know that she felt at times that she wasted her degree (she was the first to graduate college in her family) and didn't achieve all the career goals she would have liked to. So I appreciate the benefits of having a parent that can stay at home, but I also am pretty career motivated and don't want to have regrets about not using my talents and schooling.

As for our future family, FI and I actually don't really fit traditional gender roles. He has a masters in school counseling (where he was one of two men in his program) and is much better at talking about feelings and such than I am. I am working on my PhD in molecular biology and tend to be more "left brained".

Right now the plan is for FI to mostly support us while I finish up my degree (hopefully in the next 2-2.5 years). Once I have my degree FI plans on me being the main breadwinner and he has talked about being a stay at home dad if we can afford to in the future.

This is something I think about a lot though, because there is a lot of pressure in my field to be completely dedicated to work above everything, even family. While I don't want to go into academia there are very few female professors or very successful women scientists who also have children and a "good" family life. It is difficult because you get this feeling that you can't be both a successful scientist and a "good" mother. It is supposed to be getting better, but it is still tough.

As a PhD student, some people still also have the attitude if you get pregnant during grad school that you screwed up and your ability to be successful is called into question. It is something I struggle with a lot as FI and I talk about when the best time to try and start having children is (and yes I know there is never a good time).

Resa77

I think stay  at home parents can be a great thing, but I don't think it needs to be limited to one gender.  I don't have any big career goals or whatever.  I like my job and could have a great career, but I work to make money, not to be fulfilled.  So I have no attachment to working , I guess.  My good friends don't work with me, so it's not like I'd see my friends less if I were a SAHM.  I'd prob see them more, since most of them are SAHMs.  So for me, it's a no brainer: if we can afford it, I want to be a SAHM!  But if you love your career, then go for it, you know?  I think that as long as you're willing to put your familiy first, there's nothing wrong with parents working.

You know what I don't get at all?  Parents who seem to not want to be parents.  I know one woman who wants to be a SAH wife, but send her kids to daycare.  Her H is like, ummmm heck no.  I don't get that.  Why wouldn't you want to spend time with your kids?  She also sends her kids to daycare when she has days off work (like Mem Day or whatever).  For some reason, that's just very strange to me.

Calypso1977

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:c385215a-1544-4bbf-8e64-f2bc871d2699Post:6d3ef5fa-2fcf-426e-b54f-f73e364bd646">Re: Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tuesday Questions : I am very curious about your history with SSPX. My FI is involved with them, I think due to a lot of misinformation about their standing with the church. I completely understand his love for the traditional Latin mass, but keep hoping we can find a church to go to that is in full communion with the church.
Posted by christinamarie325[/QUOTE]

personally, based on my/our experience, i think they are a cult in the truest sense.

breaking away was hard - they will tell you everything to convince you that what they are doing is right, that Rome is/was wrong, and that the Masses are legit and the reasons why.  the longer you are in the more you find yourself believing.  once you are out, you are amazed at what you believed.

i was fortunate to come across a priest who himself had "gotten out".  i remembered hearing him say mass as a child and i reconnected with him and he helped guide me and my family. 

its a shame, because they evolved for all the right reasons but then took the wrong path.  im no doubt a more conservative catholic today  becuase of them.

i would urge your FI to explore attending a latin mass outside of SSPX - they do exist.  the problem is that he's been told that those masses are wrong and evil.

feel free to PM me if you have more specific questions.

Resa77

Calypso -- what do you mean they evolved for the right reasons, but took the wrong path? 

christinamarie325

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c385215a-1544-4bbf-8e64-f2bc871d2699Post:491cee2b-f76d-45fe-8024-6d4fdd52984e">Re: Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]feel free to PM me if you have more specific questions.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

<div>I sent you a PM..mostly just to vent. Hope you dont mind :)</div>

debbiem56

1.  How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married?   I was 19 and pregnant when I got married the first time.  Definitely too young and immature.  I was 55 this time, definitely not too young and maybe a little more mature.

2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith?  I did stray from the Church in my 20's and 30's when I was working a full-time job, raising three kids with a non-supportive husband, and going to school at night.  I did not make the Church a priority although I made sure that my kids received the sacraments and attended CCD.   On Sundays I was either working, at soccer games, studying or sleeping.  I felt guilty most of the time because I had been so involved in the Church as a teenager.  I have been back to the Church for several years now and actively involved for about the past 6 years.  My first marriage was annulled 2 1/2 years ago.  I regret the example I set for my kids.  3 of my grandchildren are baptized, but no one attends Church.

3.  How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?  During my first marriage he wanted me to stay home, however, I had been working since I was 14 and I got a job without him knowing.  Once he saw the paycheck he did not object.  And I kept working through the entire marriage.  But like his mother who did not work, I was expected to fill all of the duties of being a parent and housewife.  Very different this time.  Our children are raised, so no reason to stay home, plus I have a career.  He is the stay at home spouse, but not by choice - he is still unemployed.

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c385215a-1544-4bbf-8e64-f2bc871d2699Post:6cc118b3-61a0-4396-a7ca-e51e8485ad61">Re: Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]While I don't want to go into academia there are very few female professors or very successful women scientists who also have children and a "good" family life. It is difficult because you get this feeling that you can't be both a successful scientist and a "good" mother. It is supposed to be getting better, but it is still tough. As a PhD student, some people still also have the attitude if you get pregnant during grad school that you screwed up and your ability to be successful is called into question. It is something I struggle with a lot as FI and I talk about when the best time to try and start having children is (and yes I know there is never a good time).
Posted by Tami87[/QUOTE]

<div>I just don't get this attitude, and so many people have it.  Like it's impossible for a woman to be a mother and successful in the workforce at the same time.</div>

futuremrsbruno

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c385215a-1544-4bbf-8e64-f2bc871d2699Post:d10ba705-3952-4a6e-80b6-cf058ca8b806">Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Anyone have any questions?  I have a few (feel free not to answer, it's just me being curious/nosy, and trying to get some conversation going!) 1.  How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married? 2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith? 3.  How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

1. I'm 28, and will be when I get married next month. I don't think I'm too young. I was actually engaged (if that's even what I should call it) when I was 20. I don't know what I was thinking. Him cheating on me was the biggest blessing in disguise because I wouldn't be here and 100% ready to do this now.
2. I just came in to the Church, so no. However, I did have a moment a few weeks ago when my FI disclosed information he'd been keeping from me since we've been together. It's nothing bad, but he was embarrassed and afraid to tell me. I was upset because he said he had talked to our priest about it and our priest is always talking about how we need to be honest and open. When I got over being angry, I realized that my FI needed to actually listen to our priest and then I was better.
3. traditional roles don't bother me, even though I have a degree and a career as a teacher. If I were ever in the position where I could stay home, I would. At least until our child was ready to go to school. However, I do have a problem with the flip side of that. Not about the man staying home, but about the belief that the guy should be the breadwinner. My FI has struggled with the fact that I make more money than he does. He recently got a new job and his first raise has put him closer to what I make, but there was a time where he was very put off by my salary. I wish men would be more okay with that.

bibliophile2010

1.  How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married?
We are both 30 now. We were both 29 when we got married. I think that, in the end, it was just right for both of us; I truly believe that God brought us together at just the moment we were ready to meet one another. We were at the same place at the same time too many times without meeting (like a bad chick flick) for any other explanation.

2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith?

As a convert, there's a long story about the faith in which I was raised not fitting and my long search for Truth. Since becoming Catholic, I would describe my overall trajectory as growing in the faith, but, of course, within that, there have been peaks and valleys. The summer after I was received into the Church, I missed mass 3 weeks in a row. I realized how easy it would be to fall into that trap, snapped myself out of it, and have not missed (except when ill) since.


3.  How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?

I think that to raise kids the way that my H, there needs to be a SAH parent. For us, right now, it is going to mean some sacrifice (mainly of wants -- we have plenty for our needs), but we decided it is a sacrifice we are willing to make to allow me to be with our LO. We're open to me going back to work full or part time in the future if I feel like it is too much for me being at home. 

Ciardasully

1.  I'm 33 and will be 34 when I get married, so no, I absolutely don't think I am too young.  I always envisioned myself getting married in my 20s but that wasn't in the cards for me.

2.  I was raised by Cafeteria Catholics.  I never doubted I was Catholic and I knew I could never be any other religion but there are times I have gone away from the Church but I have always come back.  FI has a similar background.  His parents are Catholic but don't really practice and he chose to go to a Catholic college and grew in his faith.  Luckily we are in a parish we love and we are growing in our faith but sometimes I get embarrassed by my gaps of knowledge in my religion.

3.  I am not someone who thinks traditional gender roles should be enforced though FI and seem to relate to traditional gender roles.  For example, my friend asked me why I let FI take my car in to fixed.  Truth is, I know nothing about cars and FI and I decided a long time ago that it is better for both of us if he dealt with auto mechanics.LOL.  But seriously, I am 34 and he is just out of law school so staying home with small children will not be a reality for me.  FI has a good job and will be able to make most of the money and we decided that while I will work, I will not be going after a management job because I don't want to be married to my job.  I want to be available to go to all my children's activities and such.  However, I am in school for Health Information Management and while I don't plan to use the degree at an advanced level, I am obtaining it so I could do a health administration management job if something were to happen to FI where he could not work.

monkeysip

1.  How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married?

We're 25 now and will be 26 when we get married.  We will have been together 10 1/2 years, so we wished we could have gotten married earlier.  But it just wasn't possible because of school and finances.  I don't think there's a magic age for getting married, I've heard good and bad stories from all ages.  For us though I think this will be the "right" time.

2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith?

Well, when I was protestant about 5 years ago, I grew really disillusioned with my faith, especially because I realized I didn't "feel" anything.  I didn't feel God's presence or even existence.... ever.  And "feelings" were really emphasized in my church.  I converted to Catholicism over the next couple years, and I was glad to find a faith that wasn't based on just "feelings" but truth and reason.  And I liked that you could still practice your faith, even when you didn't feel very faithful (it's still meaningful to go to mass, pray the rosary, etc.).  The faith emphasizes action as much as feeling.  To be honest though, even since my conversion I still have problems with feeling doubt and emptiness.  It also doesn't help that I'm constantly ridiculously distracted and can't get through a minute of prayer or mass without thinking of other things.  But I've never missed mass, and I try to practice my faith as well as I can.  I live by the Scripture, "I believe; help my unbelief!"

3.  How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?

I don't believe in gender roles like that women need to play with dolls, and boys with cars and guns.  I don't believe in really strict gender roles, but I do think that men are meant to be fathers (biologically or not) and women are meant to be mothers (biogically or not), and mothers and fathers aren't interchangeable.  A child needs both to be properly raised, and I do think mothers have a slightly more important role in a child's early life (I'm a big fan of breastfeeding and attachment parenting).  That doesn't mean men can't nurture or care for a child though. 

And I don't have a problem with mother's working if they need to or if they want to continue their career as long as they make sure that their child is properly cared for.  I think every situation is different, so parents need to do what works for them and their child. 

Since I want to be a teacher, and FI is hoping to be able to one day pursue his art full time from home, he may be a sort of SAHD.  But hopefully I can get some good maternity leave, we'll see. 

If it were possible, I wouldn't have a problem with being a SAHM.  Honestly, I'd probably be happier that way.  And I also don't think that your degrees (I have a masters) or your career experience is "wasted" if you become a SAHM.  I'm sure that stuff helps you be not only a better mother but a better person in general.

GeorgiaPeachMarie

1.  How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married? I was twenty-two years old when I got married. We had been together for seven years when we got married, we were both finished with our degrees, and had full-time jobs. I think we were ready.
2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith? MH and I are both converts to Catholicism so it is fair to say that we were "away" from the Church. I felt distant from my original faith and was searching for answers and that is when we found our home in the Catholic Church.
3.  How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working? My parents had traditional gender roles. It was amazing. We've discussed it and like to think we have the best of both worlds. I am a teacher so I have summers off. I get so bored in the summer with nothing to do, so staying home all the time with no adult conversation would drive me crazy!

Tami87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c385215a-1544-4bbf-8e64-f2bc871d2699Post:849a24ef-93a3-4302-b75c-f0a9dedff30e">Re: Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I'd probably be happier that way.  And I also don't think that your degrees (I have a masters) or your career experience is "wasted" if you become a SAHM.  I'm sure that stuff helps you be not only a better mother but a better person in general.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

I just wanted to clarify that I think being a SAHM should be a highly valued job and I respect anyone who chooses to stay home and care for children. Certainly degrees can help you be a better mother and well rounded person and aren't a waste.

I guess what I was trying to express was just from personal experience with planning on spending 5+ years after college getting an advanced degree to do something I love, I find challenging and I think uses my talents to contribute to society, as much as I also want to spend time with my future children and be around for them like my mother was, I can't imagine completely giving up my career. I don't know maybe that's selfish. Finding a work and family life balance is probably something I will have to continue to work at, and maybe I will feel differently when I actually have children. But I guess with where I am right now, I can't imagine putting all this effort and time into graduate school and all the frustrations and stress that come with it, if I was not going to continue in this career path. I can't help feeling like my time could have been better spent.

Resa77

Tami, that makes a lot of sense to me.  While I think SAHMs have a LOT of value, and I wouldn't consider education wasted just because someone didn't have a career, I also don't think it's selfish to want a career. Moms have needs, too! 

I think a lot of parents use the "I need to be happy to be a good parent" line to excuse bad, selfish behavior, and therefore I hate using that line.  BUT....there is truth to it.  You can't just forego all your needs, all your goals, etc., for your kids.  Mothers like that usually end up being pretty miserable and not-fun Moms (which kids will notice and not like).  I know plenty of really good, involved Moms who work. 

newlyseliski

 1.  How old are you/how old were you when you got married?  Do you think you were too young when you got married? 

I was 26 when I got married... but I would have been ready to get married right out of college, honestly... I've always been old for my age ;-)

2.  Have you ever had a point in your life where you went away from the Church, or even just got kinda apathetic toward your faith?

I'm a cradle Catholic, have attended Mass every Sunday and had parents who worked to instruct my sisters and I in our faith outside of church... but I never really owned my faith and sought to learn more until  the tail end of college and after graduating.  I didn't have many catholic friends until joining and getting involved in a young adult group post-college since the Newman center on my campus wasn't the greatest.

3.  How do you feel about "traditional gender roles," as in mothers staying home with the kids , and fathers working?
My mom stayed at home for my sisters and I when we were younger and through school.  Part of what drove their initial decision for my mom to stay at home was that she had a really stressful job with crazy hours and it caused some fertility issues.  I really appreciated having my mom at home and fortunately my dad made a point of not overworking and being home for dinner every night.  I'll likely attempt the same with my own children since my career of choice, unfortunately, isn't as conducive to part-time work and parenthood as I had hoped it would be.  I'd agree with monkeysip's succinct description of gender roles  That said... I know of several awesome stay at home dads, too.  Whatever arrangement works (SAHM, SAHD, both parents working, etc) for a family... both parents need to be on board with the decision and still both make the sacrifices necessary to remain engaged in the lives & formation of their children and maintain a close-knit family relationship.  The number one thing for us is making sure to bring our faith into the home for our children... in helping with confirmation classes this past year, we've both seen the effects of parents not engaging their kids in their faith or setting an example for them.

Calypso1977

sorry, ive been busy at work!!!

resa, they evolved for the right reasons (IMO) meaning that many people didnt like or want the Vatican II changes and felt in many ways that it "watered down" the faith.  where they went askew was rejecting rome and ultimately leading people into sin by telling them that what they were doing was ok when in fact it was not ok.  they also tell followers all sorts of crazy things, like women wearing pants is against God, and tehy dont believe in NFP.  trust me, it took a LONG time for me to wear pants to Mass after getting out, and i still refuse to take communion in the hand even though i know its acceptable/ok to do so - its just that many of the teachings were/are brainwashed into people.

lalaith50

Calypso-

I have a friend who was raised in the SSPX, (his family left when his dad realized that it was more about pride and less about truth,) but to this day he has never received communion any way except on the tongue and from a priest! He doesn't judge other people for doing otherwise, but I think that's pretty cool to be have gone his whole life!

Resa77

Ok, that makes sense. 

It's really tricky trying to balance obedience with tradition, since both are really important aspects of Catholicism.  As Catholics, we really believe in the what and why of how we do things, so a lot of us don't like change.  It's tricky, I tell you!

My parents talk a lot about the liberal post-Vatican II years, and how many abuses they saw.  It's insane.   I mean, my Mom literally went to Mass where the priest "consecrated" beer and pretzels.  She was horrified.  He tried to say that it was allowable by Vatican II. 

Calypso1977

yeah, ive never taken from anyone but a priest and probably never will.  brainwash!!!  lol

christinamarie325

I don't take communion in my hand and attend regular "new" masses. I was raised very conservative Catholic, and just feel it is more respectful to receive communion on my tongue. I kind of feel like a rebel.

There are some older traditions and practices from the Traditional Latin Mass that I am drawn toward, and really do agree with. I just have an issue with the SSPX.

caitriona87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c385215a-1544-4bbf-8e64-f2bc871d2699Post:30d76fb4-4257-4377-b559-c21383a730cb">Re: Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, that makes sense.  It's really tricky trying to balance obedience with tradition, since both are really important aspects of Catholicism.  As Catholics, we really believe in the what and why of how we do things, so a lot of us don't like change.  It's tricky, I tell you! My parents talk a lot about the liberal post-Vatican II years, and how many abuses they saw.  It's insane.   I mean, my Mom literally went to Mass where the priest "consecrated" beer and pretzels.  She was horrified.  He tried to say that it was allowable by Vatican II. 
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

I think the problem in recent years is that some modernists will attempt to pit obedience and tradition against one another when it's not actually the case. The manner of receiving Communion is one example. The norm of the Church is still to receive kneeling and on the tongue, while receiving in the hand is a special indult we have that came about after people were already widely disobedient and that could be taken away at any time. However, there are priests who will tell you you're being disobedient if you attempt to receive kneeling/on the tongue, even though the Pope has said it is our right to do so. Same with the altar orientation--the norm is still ad orientem (priest facing east/the tabernacle/God) and in fact the rubrics of the Novus Ordo are written with that assumption. But nobody knows this, and (for example) we know of a priest who says the NO exclusively ad orientem and a lot of people--faithful Catholics--will say "Is that allowed?!?!?" When it fact it is versus populem (facing the people) that is currently allowed but could be disallowed tomorrow. (Not that I think it will...but I can dream! Haha)

All that said...the SSPX situation is sad, but I can understand why they did what they did. However God can bring good out of everything as the FSSP were formed as a response to the disobedience of SSPX.

monkeysip

@ Tami

Let me clarify that I wasn't saying it was wrong for a woman to continue her career after she has children, especially if she has spent a lot of time earning degrees and gaining work experience.  I can definitely see why she want to do that, especially if it is a line of work that she loves.

I was only saying that *if* she chose to stay home, she shouldn't see her experience or degrees as wasted.  But I'm not saying she has to stay home, at all.  It's really a choice each woman has to figure out on her own.  I think some mothers can balance being a mother and working really well.  Others can't.  Each woman just has to think about what's best for her and her child (with the husband in mind too obviously).

caitriona87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c385215a-1544-4bbf-8e64-f2bc871d2699Post:14c9cc8e-ea25-4444-a6b9-b84586fe0a71">Re: Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]yeah, ive never taken from anyone but a priest and probably never will.  brainwash!!!  lol
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

I have stopped receiving from anyone but a priest within the past year or so...and have never even met a real-life current SSPX'er or been to any of their Masses, nor any independent chapels or what have you...