Perhaps a Silly Question - Night of Wedding...

linzluvsgzuss

This might be a silly question, but I hope I could ask you all...

What do you think about the idea of spending the night of your wedding in your home vs. reserving a nice hotel room (I'm talking like post-reception and all that)?

Background behind my question: FI and I don't live together for faith/moral-based reasons, but we're hoping to find an apartment and get it staged a couple weeks before the wedding so it's ready post-wedding. Neither of us will live in the apartment, though, until we both live in it together as a married couple because we think it has some symbolic merit to have things play out that way. So we're trying to figure out if we should reserve a nice hotel room the night of (as many people have suggested it makes that night seem more special) or if we should go to our new home as newlyweds (especially if that night is our first night being intimate - might be less special being in a random hotel room even if it is nice?...I say "if" about being intimate because we're following CM of NFP so we might have to wait if the timing isn't conducive to postponing bringing children into this world). Plus I've heard the married couple is perhaps too exhausted to care about anything after the wedding and celebrating - but I've heard this as an argument for both scenarios, haha.

Okay, awkward and complicated enough...what did you all do/what are you planning on doing/what are your thoughts or opinions? TIA.

[Deleted User]

What does your FI want to do?

I think this is a decision you guys need to make together. Given your situation, I think it would be very nice and romantic (perhaps the hotel may even have a special package) to stay at a hotel on your wedding night. Your WP may even decorate it or send you off with fun stuff like chocolate covered strawberries and wine.

As for H and I, we were already living together at the time, but we did stay in a hotel our wedding night. However, it was mostly due to the fact that we left the very next morning for our HM.

ring_pop

We stayed at the hotel where the reception was held simply because it was convenient, and part of the package. We were so exhausted by the end of the night that it was GOLD to be able to just head upstairs and go to bed!

Another advantage was that it was very easy to ask my brother to check in for me and bring the wedding gifts to my hotel room, so that I didn't have to worry about it myself during the reception.

I think it will be romantic and special either way for you. Just do whatever's most convenient.

mica178

We weren't living together before the wedding either, and I'd been staying in the guest room of our apartment so that our room wouldn't be used until we were married.  However, we didn't take our HM for a couple weeks after the wedding, so we decided that it would be fun to spend the night of the wedding in a nice hotel room.  So that's what we did.

We were exhausted after the long wedding day, but we managed to stay awake for a few hours after getting to the hotel room.  There was some adrenalin going, and I'd slowed down the alcohol consumption for the last couple hours of the reception specifically so I wouldn't pass out upon getting into bed.

Calypso1977

we stayed in a hotel only because we left for our honeymoon immediately after the reception.

had we left the next morning, we would have stayed at our house.  no need to spend money on a hotel when we lived locally.

catarntina

We stayed in a hotel because we got married out of town, and our house was 1200 miles away.  And let me tell you this... it was AWFUL!

We upgraded to a suite because we thought it would be nicer.  It was very nice... but the bed was not my bed, the air conditioner was loud.  In the rush for the wedding prepartion, I forgot to pack some over night things.  The hotel manager let DH's family into our room before we got there, and they "decorated" it for us.  It was a nice gesture, but we spent the next morning cleaning up their mess because I think it's highly rude to make the cleaning staff pick up all that crap.  Staying in a hotel was pretty much awful.

If you have the option to, stay in your own apartment with your own things.  You will not regret it.  It's private, nobody can bother you, and it will be just the two of you with no loud noises, and no loud air conditioners.  Seriously stay in your own place.  What a great sentiment to go there for the first time on your wedding night, too.  That's pretty great.

Calypso1977

  The hotel manager let DH's family into our room before we got there, and they "decorated" it for us.  It was a nice gesture, but we spent the next morning cleaning up their mess because I think it's highly rude to make the cleaning staff pick up all that crap. 

wow. i honeslty would have lodged a complaint.  they shoudlnt let anyone into your room without your permission.  they would have no idea if they were your family or not - they could have been anyone!

catarntina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_perhaps-silly-question-night-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c4a7a44a-ef11-41b9-8f37-50a6da19de91Post:cb453e82-8742-4512-b042-2d21ddab1d62">Re: Perhaps a Silly Question - Night of Wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE] <em> The hotel manager let DH's family into our room before we got there, and they "decorated" it for us.  It was a nice gesture, but we spent the next morning cleaning up their mess because I think it's highly rude to make the cleaning staff pick up all that crap.</em>  <strong>wow. i honeslty would have lodged a complaint.  they shoudlnt let anyone into your room without your permission.  they would have no idea if they were your family or not - they could have been anyone!</strong>
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Yep.  I was *LIVID* when H told me that.  Right before our first dance... "My mom just told me that apparently the hotel manager let them into our room to decorate."  I have no idea why he allowed it, because they had no way of proving they were related to us, except that we had a block of rooms reserved under our names.  But anyone honestly could have reserved the rooms if they knew our last names.  I was so angry.

We were going to meet them for breakfast, but we spent the entire morning cleaning up.  His mom snapped at us, "Why didn't you just let the cleaning staff take care of it?"  I.was.livid.

newlyseliski

My fi and I are facing the same dilemma!  We just signed a lease on our apartment where we will live together when we are married, but the lease starts a month and a half before w-day.  I get to live there by myself during that time, but I like the idea of not sleeping in our bedroom until we're husband and wife!

I think we may stay in a hotel because our reception site is about a half hour away from our new apartment.  We may try and stay at one that we didn't reserve room blocks at, though... I'd like to avoid the awkward meeting of our wedding guests on the morning after

Riss91

We stayed in the hotel because our home was about an hour from the reception site, and the honeymoon suite was free for us as part of a package. We were way too tired and went right to sleep. If we were closer to our home, I might have considered staying there.

mcdol3

We are staying in a hotel room for the night. We live together right now (have for 3 years) and don't want to go home.

lalaith50

My FI and I are actually kind of thinking about similar questions, I totally understand your wanting your *first time* to be *together* in your *own apartment!* (And we will be living 2.5 hours away from the reception site... :-/ )
For a while I was unsure if I wanted to try and drive to our home that night, BUT...then someone pointed out to me that if it really is your "first time," it is NOT going to be like the movies, and may not even be all that pleasant of an experience for you...maybe even to the point of your not really wanting to have that memory in your own bed! So in a hotel, you get the extra "niceness" of being in a hotel (to make up for it if it's not very pleasant,) plus someone else gets to clean up after you!

christyhal

FI and I don't live together.  We are staying for the wedding night and the night after at an *awesome* bed and breakfast that is just down the street from the hotel where our block is at.  So we will be nearby, and will meet everybody for a picnic the day after, but won't be in the same hotel.  My apartment is in town, but there will be family staying in it, so we definitely won't be!  And FI's house (what will be our house) is about an hour away.  So hotel it is for us!  Plus, we're not leaving until the following Saturday for the HM because there will be international relatives in who won't have left yet, so it will be nice to have two nights in the nice hotel before going to the house with the extended family for the rest of the week.

linzluvsgzuss

Thanks for all of the feedback, ladies. FI and I are both going back and forth, so that's why I turned to you wonderful knotties for ideas and suggestions. I forgot to add that our reception is not at a hotel and since we don't have our place yet, I don't know for sure, but I don't think there'd be a nice hotel that much closer to the reception site than our future apartment will end up being.

Lalaith, you have a good point about the good/bad memories thing but I feel like it won't be like Hollywood ever or even for a while for us, so if it's "bad" the first time, probably won't be much better for a little while. Catarntina, that's terrible about your experience. FI's brothers would definitely make some kind of mess, I think, if they had access to our hotel room OR apartment (nowhere would be safe) - especially since FI and his younger brother did stuff to their older bro's apartmet pre-wedding a couple years ago.

We're getting married on a Saturday and we don't know for sure yet, but we'll either leave for our HM in the late afternoon Sunday (and go to Mass and do a brunch with OOT guests in the morning) or we'll leave Monday early in the morning. So maybe that should be more of a factor in our decision-making...I'm curious if anyone went home the night of their wedding and regretted it?

clearheavens

Totally not a silly question.  FI and I debated the same thing.  We aren't living together and also believe in the same Church teaching as you.  All the reason why the decision is not a light one.

We decided on a hotel close to the reception because we wanted the room to be romantically decorated for us by staff and didn't want to commute to our new home after a long night.  We could create memories in a place that's outside of the home.

I could also see the other way that you may want to be at your new nuptial home on your wedding night.  That's where you will be establishing your family and it creates fond memories there in a place that's yours.

Either way, we were definitely planning for some free and totally abandoned "hotness" in the bliss we're meant to give one another.  The Church teaching on love and marriage is amazing, and no matter where you'll be, you can't go wrong if you're with your future DH.

MuddyInsignia

In your situation, I recommend you stay in your new appartment together--since it is your official start there, anyway!

For me, FI will be moving most of his apparment into my house soon before the wedding. On that wedding week, we will have FI, FI's brother, sister in law, and 4 children staying at my house!

I decided to stay elsewhere the night before and after the wedding FI and his family can have the house all to themselves the night before the wedding!
--Catherine

Hannah098

What a super special day and night!  And not silly at all.  I think staying in your new home together would make your first night together even more memorable.  If you do decide to stay in your new apartment, be sure everything works properly beforehand, etc...so that you are not stuck the night of without a necessity like an A/C that cools, hot water, things like that!  Best of luck to you whatever you decide!

MopsieB

We're staying in a hotel because we're not going on our honeymoon for awhile. I'm in favor of whatever makes you the most comfortable and it sounds like with so many parameters, you may be better off in your own home on your wedding night. No reason to spend a lot of money if you're not even sure you can be intimate.