Catholic ceremony outside of the church

Adamos

My fiance' and I are both Catholic, although we are not consistent church "goers". We want to have our ceremony onsite of our venue, but I have heard that the ceremony will not be considered "legal" in the eyes of the church. 

Does anyone have any experience with the process or if this is possible? 

Thanks Michelle

bibliophile2010

Technically one can request and be granted a dispensation from form which would allow you to be married outside of the church/parish.

Realistically, these are for situations where 1) it is, for whatever reason, impossible or impractical to get married in a parish, or 2) in certain situations involving mixed marriages (for example, if the non-Catholic's parent is a pastor in a Protestant church).  Two Catholics who just want a a pretty (or more convenient) wedding site are highly unlikely to be granted a dispensation.

This is an excerpt from my parish's website in response to a FAQ about weddings outside the church.

"You and your fiancé may have found a beautiful location where you would like your family and friends to gather for an outdoor wedding. However, a Catholic wedding is not just a private affair affecting only your family and friends - it affects the entire community. The church building is an important symbol of your faith community - those who helped form your beliefs, those who will witness your vows, and those who will benefit from your service. You and your beloved will find spiritual strength in the people whom that church represents. For these reasons, a wedding between two Catholics is generally celebrated in a Catholic church."

newlyseliski

Hi Michelle, welcome to the board!  Here's another good explanation from the Catholic Wedding Help website that talks about weddings outside of a church...

http://www.catholicweddinghelp.com/questions/outdoor-wedding.htm

Adamos

Thanks both for the information. This is the information I seem to be coming up with, but luckily there are some Fathers in the area that are willing to do the ceremony. Im going to try this route first. 

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:553f963e-6d52-4915-9644-55ef1d2cc9e4">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks both for the information. This is the information I seem to be coming up with, but luckily there are some Fathers in the area that are willing to do the ceremony. Im going to try this route first. 
Posted by Adamos[/QUOTE]
 <div>Well, if they will, they are not in obedience to the diocese. Check to make sure they are in communion with the church</div>

bibliophile2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:553f963e-6d52-4915-9644-55ef1d2cc9e4">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks both for the information. This is the information I seem to be coming up with, but luckily there are some Fathers in the area that are willing to do the ceremony. Im going to try this route first. 
Posted by Adamos[/QUOTE]

I'm with Agape. I would be very, very wary of a priest who said he would perform an outdoor ceremony. Double check that he is an active priest in communion/good standing with your diocese. There are certainly "priests" out there who are not in good standing, will happily perform ceremonies wherever, and do not readily tell their customers that they are not in good standing and that the marriage they perform will not be any more valid in the eyes of the Church than a marriage performed by a JOP.

These may be rent-a-priest types, who are ex-priests or they could come from schismatic groups, who are no longer in communion with Rome.

Ask them for information, look them up through your diocese, look at the information they provide you very carefully. Additionally, they should be requiring some sort of formal marriage preparation. If they don't, that's a BIG red flag.

Calypso1977

These may be rent-a-priest types, who are ex-priests or they could come from schismatic groups, who are no longer in communion with Rome.


exactly.
to OP, if a priest is not in communion with Rome, even though the ceremony would be identical to a catholic marriage ceremony, it wont be valid.

pretzelgrrl

Is there a reason why you need the marriage to be valid? I am Catholic but was unable to get married in a church so for me the important thing was making sure my religion was represented by following traditions and making sure that the minister referred to God and incorporated my beliefs/religion. I'm sure the fathers/priest would be able to do this for you.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:a17d1f73-b52d-4387-b4f3-8f8306201702">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there a reason why you need the marriage to be valid? I am Catholic but was unable to get married in a church so for me the important thing was making sure my religion was represented by following traditions and making sure that the minister referred to God and incorporated my beliefs/religion. I'm sure the fathers/priest would be able to do this for you.
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]



You know there are multiple repercussions for being a Catholic and opting not to be married in The Church, don't you?

lalaith50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:287a269d-034f-4d42-9876-67ee823b29e4">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church : You know there are multiple repercussions for being a Catholic and opting not to be married in The Church, don't you?
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
Based on her apparent low regard for other Catholic beliefs on another recent thread, I suspect she doesn't care...

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:860b79c7-cd37-4435-9d7c-a1393fbda113">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church : Based on her apparent low regard for other Catholic beliefs on another recent thread, I suspect she doesn't care...
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

Excuse me...low regard for catholic beliefs just because I have different feelings and interpretations does not mean I have low regards I feel that god loves everyone and I do not feel that same sex marriages are EVIL as it seems you belive. 

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:287a269d-034f-4d42-9876-67ee823b29e4">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church : You know there are multiple repercussions for being a Catholic and opting not to be married in The Church, don't you?
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
Yes, that is why I was asking if she needed it to be valid for certain reasons...I couldn't get married in a church so I had to be okay...I know that I can still go to my church and raise my future child in that church because I talked to my priest about it because he felt bad he couldn't marry us. 
I was curious what she meant by needing to be valid.  It is wonderful that the majority of you could get married in a church but that was not an option for me so I had to make other arrangements.  If I could have...believe me I would have.

agapecarrie

Actually, it has been said by several catholic TOB scholars that if someone things that those of same sex can get "married" they don't trully understand what marriage is themselves, and would not be able to validly marry.

First of all, the catholic church does not call people "evil". ever.

If you are interested at all, i suggest reading "Theology of the body for beginners" and "Good news about sex and marriage" by Christopher West which explains very well the catholic understanding of marriage...that is has to be fruitful.

Catholic who marry outside the church without permission are not validly married. They have chosen to disregard the church, therefore are not in communion with the church and cannot receive the other sacraments. 

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:47141684-b2f1-4699-914e-081456b72be3">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, it has been said by several catholic TOB scholars that if someone things that those of same sex can get "married" they don't trully understand what marriage is themselves, and would not be able to validly marry. First of all, the catholic church does not call people "evil". ever. If you are interested at all, i suggest reading "Theology of the body for beginners" and "Good news about sex and marriage" by Christopher West which explains very well the catholic understanding of marriage...that is has to be fruitful.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]
But I belive these are interpretations by the scholars...I belive that <em>Most people have not carefully and prayerfully researched the biblical texts often used to condemn God's lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender children
Also, </em>bible talks about slaves it also says
            - If it is discovered that a bride is not a virgin, the Bible demands that
             she be executed by stoning immediately (Deuteronomy 22:13-21) and
 
           - The Bible forbids a married couple from having sexual intercourse during
              a woman's period. If they disobey, both shall be executed
              (Leviticus 18:19)
But, we do follow these things literally.  And, I agree wih you that the ctholic church does not call people evil but many people who call themselves catholics do.

agapecarrie

The interpretation of the scholars about ability to enter into marriage validly with a misunderstanding about what marriage is is indeed opinion.

But actually WHAT marriage is, is NOT opinion. It is clear. It must be fruitful. PLEASE read the books, they are easy and fast reading. 

You are quoting old testement which laws have been fulfilled. These do not hold water in this argument.

No one here has called people evil, yet you accused people of it. 

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:8416a33f-d24a-4208-ad76-b09ec11ead81">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]The interpretation of the scholars about ability to enter into marriage validly with a misunderstanding about what marriage is is indeed opinion. But actually WHAT marriage is, is NOT opinion. It is clear. It must be fruitful. PLEASE read the books, they are easy and fast reading.  You are quoting old testement which laws have been fulfilled. These do not hold water in this argument. No one here has called people evil, yet you accused people of it. 
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

Actually I said that I thought lalaith50 thought same sex marriages were evil not the people...and then I said that some people do call people EVIL...I didn't say you called anyone evil and if it souned like that I am sorry and if you don't bellieve same sex marriages are evil then I also apologize for my false assumptions.
I think I was just upset because it felt like lalaith50 were attacking me by saying that I have a low regard for catholic beliefs

I feel the bibles/churches feeling on homosexuality are very open to interpretation and I only used these quotes to demonstrate a lot of things that the bilble says that we do not follow today.

Edited for mistakes-proofreading fail...mixed up posters too

agapecarrie

I did not say you had low regard for catholic beliefs. There are several people involved in this discussion.

However, please remember, Christ instituted the Catholic church and gave the keys of the kingdom to peter, the first pope. He said whatever is bound on earth shall be bound in heaven. The church is Christ's bride. THe holy spirit prevents the church from teaching error in faith and morals. This is in Matthew 16.

The church does not have "feeling" on things. It isn't opinion. This is Christ's instructions and natural law given to us. The church doesn't write the rules, God does. The church cannot ever be apart from God's law. (specific people can be, but not the church itself). 

Truth does not change, otherwise it is not truth. Disciplines can change, but doctrine cannot. THe way we celebrate mass can change, but the essence of what the mass is does not change. Your quotes only talk about discipline and practices. Faith and morals in the church have never ever contradicted itself, ever.

again, I beg you, to please read the books. They explain the teachings on marriage very well. Regarding SS marriages, I believe what the church believes. There is no such thing. SS people cannot, by definition, have a marriage, because that isn't what marriage is. Marriage has to be fruitful. Our bodies are not shells, they manifest our souls, therefore what we do with them displays a deeper spiritual reality of our very being. please read the books.

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:75ff6f73-f535-44b2-9233-10b12355e1a4">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]I did not say you had low regard for catholic beliefs. There are several people involved in this discussion.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I noticed that after I posted and before I saw your post and changed it...sorry about that...I made a mistake...I edited it before I read your post to correct my mistake. 
Okay, so you don't belive in same sex marriages but how do you feel about homosexuals?  I would be interested in your feelings/beliefs...that is if you are comfortable sharing them

lalaith50

I would say that a combination of your questioning of why someone would care if their marriage were considered valid in the Catholic Church, along with your reference to "shoving Catholic beliefs" in the other thread makes it pretty clear that you have low regard for Catholic beliefs, and is in no way an attack-- just an interpretation of things that you have said.

(to clarify the first half of that-- fine that you didn't think it important enough yourself, but by the very fact that you valued your marriage/marriage over being in communion/union with the Church does show that you obviously disagree with Church teaching in this matter, and/or have somehow assuaged your conscience in the matter. I am not judging, but we all know what the Church actually says about that, so I do not think it unreasonable that I would draw conclusions about your opinions of Catholic beliefs!)

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:47edad80-3e52-488b-8616-ea8bdb552a96">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church : Yeah, I noticed that after I posted and before I saw your post and changed it...sorry about that...I made a mistake...I edited it before I read your post to correct my mistake.  Okay, so you don't belive in same sex marriages but how do you feel about homosexuals?  I would be interested in your feelings/beliefs...that is if you are comfortable sharing them
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

<div>again, it isn't "feelings", and its not MY opinion. There is no "Feeling" about homosexuals.  It is church teaching what matters. PLEASE read the books. Please. They explain it way better than I could. </div><div>
</div><div>First of all, God does not create disorder. He creates people whole, and by original sin, we all have disorders. By wounds given to us in a family generational line, through curses (I'm not just talking about wacky witch curses, but even parents can "curse" their children by emotionally abusing them), by wounds in the womb, and wounds growing up. These all create in us holes that ache for healing and wholeness. By concupiscence we search to fill these holes with things that will not satisfy ...trying to fill the infinite with the finite, this creates addiction. Only Christ can heal us and make us whole. </div><div>
</div><div>I went through all that to explain that when people suffer from same sex attraction (words are important here), this is a disordered desire. This does not fit in with natural law that God has given us. This is NOT saying the person is evil, or destined to hell, because disorders (unhealthy or disordered appetites) are not by  definition sinful, they just give a proclivity to certain objectification of something finite. Those that suffer from alcoholism have a disorder. We all have disorders in one way or another when we sin, because we are not fully integrated. </div><div>
</div><div>"homosexual" was term created in the last century...it doesn't make sense by the roots of the word. "Sexual" means "difference". "h-o-m-o" means "Same". So homosexual means "same difference" ...This has been creeping into people's vocabulary to "normalize" this as a state of being of "who someone is" when actually it is beneath their very dignity of being human. Our bodies tell us how we fit together and how we love. Gift and reception of gift. Just like Christ. </div><div>
</div><div>We are all called to a life of chastity and purity. Sex outside of marriage is not chaste. This is not loving. All people are called to this regardless of disorders. We all have to carry our crosses by denying ourselves our disordered desires (too much unhealthy food, too much alcohol, too much whatever, sex outside of marriage, etc etc etc). </div><div>
</div><div>Aside: while trying to post this, I got corrected to edit the first half of the word "homosexual" because it wouldn't let me leave it as is...I'm not using it as a derogatory term, but to explain the root of the word.</div>

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:6495dcca-6778-4409-b277-62b256bfd40c">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]I would say that a combination of your questioning of why someone would care if their marriage were considered valid in the Catholic Church, along with your reference to "shoving Catholic beliefs" in the other thread makes it pretty clear that you have low regard for Catholic beliefs, and is in no way an attack-- just an interpretation of things that you  have said. (to clarify the first half of that-- fine that you didn't think it important enough yourself, but by the very fact that you valued your marriage/marriage over being in communion/union with the Church does show that you obviously disagree with Church teaching in this matter, and/or have somehow assuaged your conscience in the matter. I am not judging, but we all know what the Church actually says about that, so I do not think it unreasonable that I would draw conclusions about your opinions of Catholic beliefs!)Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]
I think you misinterpretted it I didn't say she shouldn't care i was wondering her reasons for wanting it valid...for example...I found out when I was researching getting married that I could get married outside the church and still have my child baptized and raised catholic....so if this is why she needed it valid then she did not but if she needed it valid to be in union with the church then she should not have an outside ceremony.  I have high opinions of catholic beliefs but I was unable to get married in a church...I wanted to but the church itself would not let me...I'm sorry if you feel that means i valued my marriage/husband over the church but I love him and decided to marry him even if it couldn't be in a church...it was my choice and I understand it wouldn't be a choice you would make but you have made wrong conclusions.

lalaith50

No need to apologize. It doesn't matter one iota what I "feel." The only thing that matters is the state of your soul!

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:9f2ec108-60e4-49b7-b09e-f353a3d2b52b">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]No need to apologize. It doesn't matter one iota what I "feel." The only thing that matters is the state of your soul!
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]
Oh my goodness...now you are attacking the state of my soul...my soul is fine thanks even though I fell in love with someone who couldn't get married in a catholic church.

agapecarrie

She did not attack the state of your soul. Not in any way.

The fact that you are rationalizing marrying outside the church is problematic. The church has guidelines for a reason. I don't know why you chose to be in a relationship with someone that wasn't free to marry, but that is not the church's fault, that is your own. You chose to leave the church, the church did not leave you.

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:f77d3ea4-7e83-4ec7-9d0a-2deeb501e55e">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]She did not attack the state of your soul. Not in any way. The fact that you are rationalizing marrying outside the church is problematic. The church has guidelines for a reason. I don't know why you chose to be in a relationship with someone that wasn't free to marry, but that is not the church's fault, that is your own. You chose to leave the church, the church did not leave you.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]
Well...it sort of is the church's fault...my husband was divorced so we couldn't get married in a church but I don't think any of the Kennedys would have that problem because sure as heck they would get ther dispensation/anullment really quick.  But, I understand wht you are saying...it is my fault I fell in love with a divorced man...And she did imply that my soul was in trouble...And to clarify I have not left my church.

banana468

You may not have left your church but what PPs are trying to tell you is that by not marrying in the Church, you have effectively become a Catholic who is not in a state of grace.    Technically that means that you aren't allowed to receive any Sacraments.

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:5558092b-79d6-4314-910f-b4258a27fad7">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church : Well...it sort of is the church's fault...my husband was divorced so we couldn't get married in a church but I don't think any of the Kennedys would have that problem because sure as heck they would get ther dispensation/anullment really quick.  But, I understand wht you are saying...it is my fault I fell in love with a divorced man...And she did imply that my soul was in trouble...And to clarify I have not left my church.
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

<div>THis is definitely NOT the church's fault. Not in the least. The church upholds that marriage lasts until death. This is CHRIST'S law....the church only holds to what Christ has set forth. The church honors your civil husband's first marriage vows. Civil divorce has no bearing on the state of his spiritual marriage. If your civil husband was married before, he is still married to his first wife, in God's eyes. </div><div>
</div><div>What you are saying is that the church should just have disregarded your husband's first vows and say "they didn't count". but should believe his 2nd ones. Doesn't work that way.</div><div>
</div><div>First,  you didn't have to date someone that was still preseumed to be married in God's eyes. 2nd, since you did, he could have pursued an annulment to see if the first marriage wasn't valid. This isn't just a "oh well...dispensation" . This is a real long investigation to see if there was something prohibiting the first marriage from actually taking place. (Such as psychological problems on either side, or force, or something else). This isn't taken lightly. Your comments above are quite accusatory of the church, when its clear you don't know much about it all. </div><div>
</div><div>I would encourage you to see a priest about pursuing an annulment so that you can come back to the sacraments. You DID leave the church when you married outside of it. Your marriage is not valid, because you are living with a man who is presumed to married to someone else. You cannot receive communion or go to reconciliation until you rectify this situation.</div><div>
</div><div>and again, she did not in any way attack the state of your soul. All she said was that nothing else was important except that. Don't twist words. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:b6447092-ef8c-42e2-bf2f-6340a3928d25">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]You may not have left your church but what PPs are trying to tell you is that by not marrying in the Church, you have effectively become a Catholic who is not in a state of grace.    Technically that means that you aren't allowed to receive any Sacraments.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
Yes, I understand that...and I will not recive sacraments but I will raise my children catholic and they can recieve sacraments...I just don't think they need to attack my soul...I tried to get married in a catholic church but was unable to...I don't think this means there is a problem with my soul

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:67f12231-4790-4fec-ad9d-fadbd79c113c">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church : Yes, I understand that...and I will not recive sacraments but I will raise my children catholic and they can recieve sacraments...I just don't think they need to attack my soul...I tried to get married in a catholic church but was unable to...I don't think this means there is a problem with my soul
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

<div>NO ONE attacked the state of your soul. No one said you were going to hell or that you were condemned. She said that nothing was as important as the state of your soul.  Stop accusing her of such things. </div><div>
</div><div>
The fact that you chose this man over receiving the Eucharist, and you don't see a problem with your spiritual well being is a problem.</div>

pretzelgrrl

   So then please tell me what you think she meant by bringing up the state of my soul? 
     I'm okay not seeing a priest for anullment...as you said it is a very long process and as you said it may not ever be granted since he is not catholic and was married in a hotel by a rabbi and unsure if there are any reasons it could be.
     Sorry, if I sounded accusatory...it is still hard for me that I was unable to get married in a church so that maybe why is sounds like that...and we had thought their was a chance it didn't count because sometimes they do not count it as valid if the ceremony is outside of a church. 
   I understand what you are saying by it was my choice to date a divorced man but I fell in love with him so I chose to marry a divorced man.  And therefore, I am out of grace but catholic in my heart and will raise my children catholic

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-ceremony-outside-of-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c571280f-a6a9-431e-9de0-79be9909f4b5Post:75fe90fc-771b-4e53-8f2d-eef40eb3f114">Re: Catholic ceremony outside of the church</a>:
[QUOTE]   So then please tell me what you think she meant by bringing up the state of my soul?       I'm okay not seeing a priest for anullment...as you said it is a very long process and as you said it may not ever be granted since he is not catholic and was married in a hotel by a rabbi and unsure if there are any reasons it could be.      Sorry, if I sounded accusatory...it is still hard for me that I was unable to get married in a church so that maybe why is sounds like that...and we had thought their was a chance it didn't count because sometimes they do not count it as valid if the ceremony is outside of a church.     I understand what you are saying by it was my choice to date a divorced man but I fell in love with him so I chose to marry a divorced man.  And therefore, I am out of grace but catholic in my heart and will raise my children catholic
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>She brought it up because she cares about your soul. You are making objectively bad decisions here. We CAN judge actions, and you have chosen to put a person above Christ. This is wrong. She did NOT attack you. </div><div>
</div><div>There are many possibilities regarding your marriage and rectifying it, if he wasn't baptized, there is a possible pauline or petrine privaledge, or an annulment. See a priest, please. </div><div>
</div><div>For a marriage to be valid, it has to be promised to be free, total, faithful, and fruitful. Whether people are Catholic or not. The church can investigate his first marriage to see if it was that. There is no guarantee, which is why civilly marrying him was not a good choice. You have no graces from the sacrament this way. You have chosen a person over Christ in the sacraments. THis is dangerous to your soul. </div><div>
</div><div>You keep saying you "Fell in love" like it was an accident. Love is not an accident. It is a decision. It is a willful act for the good of the other person. </div><div>
</div><div>Please see a priest so hopefully you can come back to the sacraments. Please read the books I suggested as well.

</div>