Conceiving on wedding night?

clearheavens

I've been charting for 6 or 7 cycles, and with the patterns I'm seeing, I made a future projection that I'll be entering Phase II on the eve of my wedding day.

It's a bummer because we were TTA because I lost my job and am without health insurance and FI is a med student.  The only income we have is his student loans.  I am trying very hard to find a job.  If I don't get one by the wedding, we prayerfully discerned that it would be a part of our calling to responsible parenthood to abstain.  But it's also very good to know that my FH is willing to sacrifice his wants and to love me and my fertility, rather than look at this as a burden.

The good news is that we'll be on our honeymoon about one week after the wedding.  We should be in Phase III by then.

Did any of you using NFP have to make this decision about whether to make love on their wedding night, too?

Calypso1977

i was bad and wasnt using NFP at the time i married (i started about 3 months after).
 
however, if we had been, and id been fertile on my HM, we would have abstained.  i feel that the first year of marriage is hard enough without dealing with a pregnancy on top of it.  also, i just wasnt ready for a baby at that time.

[Deleted User]

I was bad as well. I would have been on my period on my wedding night, so since I was on the pill, I just went into the next pack.

But I respect and admire you and your FH for your decision.

lalaith50

IF I am in phase 2...we will abstain. It will be hard, but, hey, we've waited how long, so what's a few more days?

caitriona87

I was fertile on my wedding night and we abstained for similar issues--we had crap health insurance, my husband was still in school, etc.

It was a bit of a bummer but in the scheme of things not a huge deal. We still had a nice evening together, spent reading all of our cards from family & friends. We were also pretty exhausted anyway. We also went on our honeymoon a week later and enjoyed nearly the entire 2 weeks during the infertile time.

We didn't even think to do this at the time but if I were in that spot now I'd offer up the abstinence for the good of our family or for the sins of the world against life and family, or something of that sort.

bibliophile2010

If my cycles continue out as they are now, my FI and I will be in a very similar boat (he's in med school, I'm starting a new job in July, I'll likely be in my days after Peak) when our wedding comes, but back to infertile by the time we go on our mini-moon the next weekend.

I know how hard the decision is, but I believe we'll be prayerfully abstaining another few days.

newlyseliski

I'm worried about the same thing!  My fiance is in school until the end of next year and we don't want to TTC until he's within 9 months of being done and having a permanent job with good benefits!  My benefits cover pre-natal stuff well, but it's quite a bit extra a month to add a child.  If all goes smoothly and I manage to remain relatively sane/take my metformin regularly in the remaining 13 days until my wedding, we may manage to be post peak on the wedding night and honeymoon.  I really wish that I didn't have to TTA... I'm really looking forward to starting a family!  We may need to abstain the wedding night if my cycle goes all wacko 

lmeade62

Completely different scenario for us since I'm OLD (49 - ha!) and post-menopausal, but we'll be abstaining on our wedding night, too...he has his son that weekend and since he'll be staying with us, we think it's the best thing to do.

Linda

Hope61

We'll be abstaining on the wedding night in honor of St. Joseph.
As to the wedding night, it is an old custom for some couples to abstain from the marital act, dedicating the first night of marriage to St. Joseph (making the night "St. Joseph's Night"), and performing some devotion to the Saint. This is in keeping with the spirit of Tobias who, with his wife, Sara, spent the first three days and nights or their marriage in prayer. -http://www.fisheaters.com/holymatrimony.html
(we haven't discussed yet whether it will be 1 or 3 nights)

I'm usually pretty regular, which would put make my peak day around day 3 of our marriage! We're not TTA, so honestly... that scares me! I'm apprehensive about getting pregnant in general, and that soon? But, two of my past 3 cycles have been disturbed by wedding stress, so that could likely happen again in June. We'll see what happens--its in God's hands!

mz07

As weird as this sounds, it's nice to know others are in the same boat!!! We probably won't have to abstain on the wedding night, or the night after... but we most likely will have to for ALL of our honeymoon, which starts on that Monday and goes for 10 days! Oh well. As someone above said, we've waited this long and, God willing, we'll have many years ahead of us!!! My fiance said he's looking forward to playing some great games of checkers.

Riss91

We were too exhausted to even try that night!

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_conceiving-wedding-night?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:cb46b482-00e9-4c77-be22-612d346446caPost:9f28a5b4-3c7a-4bf2-9a3c-35988385f44d">Re: Conceiving on wedding night?</a>:
[QUOTE]IF I am in phase 2...we will abstain. It will be hard, but, hey, we've waited how long, so what's a few more days?
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

This.  Plus by the end of the day I feel like I'm going to just want to sleep.  FI and I are in a position where a child would be a welcome blessing -- we both have jobs, we're financially secure.  But we will be living in an apartment, and we'd both like to get post-bacc. degrees before children come along (or at least I would like that -- I imagine he would have an easier time doing grad school after kids than I would).

Calypso1977

I imagine he would have an easier time doing grad school after kids than I would

not to scare you, but i was in grad school with a few parents.  one guy told me he does his best work from 10pm - 2am.  he worked all day long, came home, had dinner with the wife and kids, put hte kids to bed, spent time wtih the wife until she went to bed, then did his homework.  of course on class nights he didnt get home for dinner.

he was always tired.  sure, he got thru it, but i think one shoudl get all of their education, etc. done before kids and even ideally before marriage - but that's just me.

adedrickson

I am pretty sure that we will crash that first night haha. Our reception is over at 10, we have an hour drive to our hotel, then we leave for our honey moon at 8am! There will be no time

MopsieB

What is TTA? Why can't you just use some form of contraception? I'm Catholic, but I honestly did not know there were this many people that so fervently believe in abstaining during marriage as the only form of birth control. I don't think it's "bad" to have sex with your husband. I really and truly don't.

Riss91

Mopsie, TTA is an acronym for Trying To Avoid as opposed to Trying To Conceive.

Many Catholics do not believe in contraception, so I'm not sure why you're even questioning it. It is Catholic doctrine and this is a Catholic board. Natural Family Planning (NFP) is a church-accepted practice that allows you to plan when you would have a child. Under this method, you abstain when you are fertile to avoid pregnancy. You do not use contraception.

For the record, the Church does not believe sex is bad. No one here is saying that. The Church belief is that the use of contraception degrades the act.

lalaith50

Mopsie-

there is lots of great resources if you actually wanted to learn more about *why* the Church teaches that contraception is bad. For starters, try Janet Smith's "Contraception, Why Not?" or anything by Christopher West, or of course Pope John Paul's Theology of the Body or Love and Responsibility (but those are a bit heavier!)

jimmyandkatie

my fiance and I can't afford the natural family planning classes, can someone explain to me how it works. We have been together 11 years and we are both still virgins, we would love to have children but we are not financially stable enough to have them yet...

agapecarrie

NFP is observing signs of fertility and abstaining from sex during the fertile times. Creighton model has a sliding scale...in order to learn it you must see a teacher for standardized teaching. I don't think there is any replacement for having a teacher but some people have learned from a book. An online forum is definitely not the place to learn it for effective use.

lalaith50

jimmyandkate-

you should get a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It is not "Catholic" in it's approach, as it says that other forms of birth control are ok, but it is medically very thorough. 

But, also agreed that it would be wise for you to do whatever you possibly can to try and take the class.

clearheavens

jimmyandkatie, that's great you want to learn about NFP.  Not sure if there is a sliding scale available at the Couples to Couples League where we took our classes, but contact someone who offers the class closest to you and I am sure something can be worked out so you can get the education you need without breaking the bank.  Click on "Learn/Register."

http://www.ccli.org/

bibliophile2010

You may also want to seek out information from your diocese. There may be scholarships/aid available for couples who want to learn, but cannot afford the classes to do so. Over time, NFP is much, much more cost effective than other, illicit, forms of family planning.