Catholic Weddings
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How to be a Better Wife to Be

I am kind of struggling right now...it seems like my FI and I are bickering more than I would like, and it's usually about little things that seem SO IMPORTANT in the moment, but then afterward, I think: "Why did I make such a big deal about that?" I think some of it is that I've lived alone for many years, and I've never had children, so I think I'm a wee bit selfish. And I want to do better!

I'm a very voracious reader, so I'm wondering if there's a book or something that others would recommend that have been good guidebooks. I love David Richo's "How to Be An Adult in Relationships," and maybe should revisit that, but am also looking for something that is more Catholic-focused...

Thanks...!
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Re: How to be a Better Wife to Be

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    edited December 2011
    I recommend "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. My FI and I are going through it together. It is biblically based, and gives the future married couple a very clear understanding of the purpose Christ has of marriage. It was highly recommended as a marriage-book by many well known pastors that I respect.
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    edited December 2011
    I know what you mean about silly fights.  One of the things I've found effective is to mentally remind myself during an argument, "This is my husband/future husband, is this how we should be interacting?"  That doesn't necessarily stop us from fighting, but it helps me keep more rational and calm during an argument. 
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    mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My priest had H and me read World Class Marriage, which is a secular relationship book.  H's uncle who did our vows had us watch Made for Each Other.
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    edited December 2011
    FI and I both just finished "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It was really helpful for us. I believe we both show love to each other better than before since we know what the other persons preference is.

    Ask yourself this question when you get worked up "Is this the mountain I want to die on?" I used to ask myself that and it did make a big difference for me.
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    edited December 2011
    Those are great suggestions - about asking myself if the issue is really that important or that big of a deal. I suspect that more often than not, the answer is "No..." and that being right in an argument is never more important than our relationship or his feelings. I think I struggle sometimes because I've had a history of submerging myself for my boyfriends, and I don't want to do that again. I think I also have unrealistic expectations of what a "good" relationship is like - like, it should be all hearts and flowers and hours of deep, meaningful conversation like it was at the beginning...and when we have nights when we're just watching TV together, I panic that that means something's wrong...

    I've got Gary Chapman's "Love Languages" - I love his work, and Gary Smalley's, too...
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    edited December 2011
    The other ladies have made some great recommendations for books.

    Don't worry about the bickering too much, it is just the pre-wedding dress. H and I did that a lot, too. Some of it was about money/our budget since we paid for nearly everything ourselves. And part of it was that I felt I was doing most of the running for this and that for our reception and he wasn't helping me. It wasn't that he didn't care, but he knew that was more my thing and besides at the time I was working
    2nd shift so I had time during the day to do things.
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    ootmother2ootmother2 member
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    edited December 2011
    MissySue

    check your PMs

    tia

    ywia

    hth
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    edited December 2011

    We read "For Better, Forever" and "The Exceptional Seven Percent" during our wedding prep.  Both are by the same author -- the first is a more specifically Catholic perspective, and the second seemed more geared toward a general audience.  I thought both were good (though I didn't always quite get his sense of humor).

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    edited December 2011
    Something I read that was kind of helpful (and is a simple enough read, I'd recommend) is By Love Refined - http://www.amazon.com/Love-Refined-Letters-Young-Bride/dp/0918477514

    FI and I aren't really bickering, but we've been struggling to grow close because it's been hard to spend time together the past few months because of work and school and internship schedules. So we've started going through Dr. Jim and Cathy Burns' book, Closer - http://www.amazon.com/Closer-Devotions-Draw-Couples-Together/dp/0764207032/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1299399253&sr=1-1. The book is more for married couples, but we just translate into what's relevant for us and write in pencil so we can come back to it again in our married life. I recommend the book.

    Good luck and God bless you both.
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you for starting this thread. I was having the same thoughts.

    Once I finish Taking Charge of Your Fertility, I'm going to start on some of the book recommendations here.

    Thanks again, ladies.
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    newlyseliskinewlyseliski member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I definitely agree with mcdol3 about 5 love languages!  Good stuff.

    Not a book, but a good suggestion from our pre-cana retreat.... the 20 second pause!  After you say something to fi... pause for 20 seconds to let him process and formulate a response.

    You're not alone... my fi and I have also been getting into lots of stupid arguments about trivial things as we near the wedding!  Yes, it's ok to just be together watching TV, reading and not having deep meaningful discussions :)  I have to tell myself that all the time, too.
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    MuddyInsigniaMuddyInsignia member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, such wonderful recommendations from everyone. It is also really good to think about this vs. just some of the decoration planning, etc. Because the important part is the marriage we are each entering! Thanks for keeping each other grounded, ladies
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    edited December 2011
    I'm happy to report some success in this area! The other night, FI tracked in a lot of dried mud on the floors that I had worked hard to sweep, vacuum and mop this weekend. I started to get upset, but FI reminded me that his boots had gotten dirty because he was fixing our gravel driveway, which had some serious rain ditches, & said he was sorry. I took a deep breath and then said, "It's no big deal, it's just dirt," and meant it. The tension in the room just evaporated! So thanks, friends!
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    MopsieBMopsieB member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Is your fiance also interested in being a better husband to be? Just wondering.
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