New here fianc not catholic

Pirouettesandpiques

Hi everyone I have been lurking for a few weeks and first I just have to say it's really nice to see such a faithfilled community full of such good advice! I am recently engaged over the holidays to a wonderful man who I have been with for four and a half years. I am a practicing Catholic raised in the church, 12 years of catholic school, the whole nine yards haha, and my faith in the doctrine has always been the greatest source of strength in my life. My fianc is not Catholic, but has always been supportive of my faith and wants to get married in the church. He is also completely on board with raising our children Catholic.

My question is about the process of requesting a permission to marry a baptized non Catholic. Is it difficult? Does it take a long time? Also, what can he expect during the precana courses? I know one of the primary reasons he is not a Catholic himself is that unfortunately he had some very negative experiences with a Catholic priest when he was younger, and I think he's just afraid of being made to feel like a bad person because of his lack of faith, or being told he must believe certain things to marry me in the church. I don't at all expect this to happen if he goes in with an open mind, I'm just hoping to give him some concrete information to set his mind at ease.

I know I should probably discuss all this with a priest, and I plan to, but we also just moved across country and I am still trying to decide which parish to make my home.

Whew, sorry that was so long! Thank you all in advance for any input any advice will be much appreciated!

hbarelas

Congratulations on your engagement!

My fiance and I knew each other for 6yrs before we got engaged, and although he was not Catholic, he was a divorced baptized Christian, so we had to persevere through his annulment (actually really cathartic and brought us closer together). One of the deacons at my lifelong parish was assisting with his annulment and also did our marriage prep. There was no judgment about him being a non-Catholic Christian, rather, we received openness, joy, and support from our deacon. He asked FI if he had any interest in learning more about the Church and invited him to come to any of the classes to better understand my faith background anytime. When we first began the marriage prep, FI was supportive of marrying in the Church and raising kids Catholic, but was not planning on converting (and I didn't expect him to). 

The pre-Cana questions were easy. Mostly about our backgrounds, reasons for marrying, and expectations for the marriage (I think, it seems so long ago). We actually did our marriage prep course online and submitted the certificate to our deacon. I also highly recommend the Creighton Model for natural family planning. I'm a nurse and really wasn't well-informed on NFP, but am so impressed with the knowledge you can gain about your own body by using Creighton from a health perspective (in addition to how great it can be for your relationship with your spouse).

Somewhere along the way, FI decided to start attending RCIA classes. He already had the Rite of Welcome and is continuing his studies. When we received his annulment proclamation and met with the deacon to set the date, we still weren't sure if FI would have fully entered the Church at the time of the wedding by receiving the Sacraments of Eucharist and Confirmation, so to streamline it all, the deacon had us sign a set of documents in case we need a "Dispensation for Disparity of Cult" (the official terminology). It was that simple. Deacon reassured us it does not take that long (we set the date in mid-January for April 13th and paperwork is there just in case but not filed). Looks like we won't be needing it afterall, because he'll enter the Church at the Easter Vigil on March 31st!!! Two weeks before our wedding!!!!

It was not something I asked of him, but something I brought before the Lord in prayer for sometime in our lives together. I could never in my wildest dreams have believed those prayers would be answered this way. We've grown so much together now with a shared prayer life. I always wanted to be able to look toward my husband as the spiritual head of our household... now I will be able to. 

I pray for the best for the two of you. Talking to the people at church was a lot easier than I thought it would be. We were not the first pair of Catholic/non-Catholic that wanted to get married there, I'm sure y'all won't be either. Pray together, plan it together, have fun with it, and just enjoy it. Congratulations!

agapecarrie

When marrying a non-baptized person, the bishop needs to give the disparity of cult dispensation. When marrying a baptized non-catholic, the bishop gives permission.

The priest takes care of this, sometimes without the couple being aware of it. 

Pre-cana or marriage prep varies from parish and diocese. Catholics marrying non-catholics is extremely common.

Regarding "believing certain things" to marry you in the church. Well, kinda. He doesn't have to become Catholic, but he does have to mean the vows he takes, and answer the statement of intentions. This is integral to a valid marriage. 

Riss91

Congratulations! The ladies have given you great advice! If you are marrying a non-Catholic, the Church isn't going to force the non-Catholic to be a Catholic. Our pre-cana was pretty universal and not blatantly Catholic. Though this can very from parish to parish.

One question - was your FI ever baptized?

You are right to be open and honest with your priest. Let him know where your FI is coming from and what his concerns are. As long as you aren't expecting the priest to go against Catholic doctrine, he should be understanding and caring of your situation.

And please stick around and feel free to ask more questions!

Resa77

Congrats and welcome to the board!  The answers from PP were great, so I have nothing to add, except welcome!  And stick around!!

bibliophile2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_new-here-fianc-not-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d371c76d-a65a-4446-9239-8e067d09f121Post:a0e2baea-0b9d-4a5a-ac98-eb911323e63c">Re: New here fianc not catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]Congrats and welcome to the board!  The answers from PP were great, so I have nothing to add, except welcome!  And stick around!!
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

This! Welcome! :)

Pirouettesandpiques

Thank you all for the information and advice! I definitely feel more at ease about taking those first steps, it's just hard being in a brand new city without a priest I feel comfortable with yet and not knowing what to expect. FI was baptized in a Christian church, so I don't think we'll need a full dispensation just permission from the bishop based on what agapecarrie said. It definitely makes me feel better knowing we aren't going to be "grilled" because obviously we aren't perfect, but of course neither of us would expect any priest to go against doctrine or just tell us what we want to hear. Mostly I'm just really looking forward to making an even deeper connection emotionally and hopefully spiritually with FI as we fully prepare for our life together! Hbarelas, it is so wonderful to hear about your husband joining the church! I have also prayed for FI to one day embrace the power of God's love and the truth of the doctrine, and it is so inspiring to hear your story! Thank you everyone for your welcoming words and prayers. I will definitely be praying for you all too and sticking around the board!