S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics

lalaith50

DH has a cousin, I assume baptized Catholic, and we're going to her outdoor non-Catholic wedding in a few weeks, is it really true that the Church says we ought not to?

If so, this makes no sense to me.

She did not choose to be baptized Catholic, and shows no desire to continue being Catholic. I know some people think that you can officially un-become Catholic by writing a letter, but I have also heard that is not true anymore, and I am sure it is no longer in the current Code of Canon Law.

So, we're not supposed to go to her wedding unless it's in a Catholic church, even though we know that she has no intention of acting like a Catholic, and in fact if she were to have a Catholic wedding I would almost consider it a mockery (since I would assume she were only doing it for her parents.) 

So basically, what's supposed to happen in this situation?

And does anyone have an exact quote for an authoritative document for it being discouraged/forbidden to go to such a wedding?

I think it might be different if someone still considered themself Catholic and, for example, still planned on receiving Communion, but just deliberately didn't want to get married in the Church. Then I can see their wedding being almost a "statement" against the Church, and for that it might make sense to not go to the wedding for you to make a "statement" about their attitude!

agapecarrie

A catholic is bound by canonical form, which means that this couple is making a public statement of permanent fornication. Your attendance could be taken as approval of it. If you attend, you must communicate that it isn't approval or support of this, and because you hope to not lose further communication with them and possible future opportunities to evangelize. You absolutely cannot serve in any form (reader, bridesmaid, etc)

lalaith50

But the only reason that they will be "permanently fornicating" is b/c this girl was baptized Catholic - and not by her permission. In the exact same wedding situation, if she hadn't happened to be baptized Catholic, we would all be happy she's getting married outside! I should be happy that they are making a public statement that they are getting married, since they are attempting to make their marriage valid (they obviously don't view it like the Catholic Church would- but they are trying!)

I guess that's my main issue... people get baptized Catholic without their consent all the time, as infants, (I don't have a problem with that, it's what comes next that I do,) so now we're supposed to give them a hard time when they don't want to be Catholic and yet are trying to do a good thing like getting married (instead of fornicating -which they've been doing up til now!)?

Why aren't people free to "just leave the Catholic Church," especially since they were formally made a member of it without their consent?

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:3fc4784e-2448-45da-8975-9f02bfaf39bf">S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]DH has a cousin, I assume baptized Catholic, and we're going to her outdoor non-Catholic wedding in a few weeks, is it really true that the Church says we ought not to? If so, this makes no sense to me. She did not choose to be baptized Catholic, and shows no desire to continue being Catholic. I know some people think  that you can officially un-become Catholic by writing a letter, but I have also heard that is not true anymore, and I am sure it is no longer in the current Code of Canon Law. So, we're not supposed to go to her wedding unless it's in a Catholic church, even though we know  that she has no intention of acting like a Catholic, and in fact if she were to have a Catholic wedding I would almost consider it a mockery (since I would assume she were only doing it for her parents.)  So basically, what's supposed to happen in this situation? And does anyone have an exact quote for an authoritative document for it being discouraged/forbidden to go to such a wedding? I think it might be different if someone still considered themself Catholic and, for example, still planned on receiving Communion, but just deliberately didn't want to get married in the Church. Then I can see their  wedding being almost a "statement" against the Church, and for that it might make sense to not go to the wedding for you  to make a "statement" about their attitude!
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]


This is a pretty dated  concept but I do remember that my grandparents telling me that they were told that they could not attend her brother's wedding.  It was outside of the Catholic Church, I don't remember what religion she was.

The pastor threatened to keep them out of the church choir if they attended but they did and no one cared or followed up on the "punishment"

No one disowned him and they led a pretty normal life from what I heard.

oh, one thing I remember, they were told they could go to the reception because that was after the sin had already been committed.  Quite odd to me.

pretzelgrrl

I just think this is wrong in so many ways.  And I agree with OOT that it is outdated.  This means that my own mother wouldn't have been able to attend my wedding.  Her priest said nothing to that affect to her so not sure how much this belief is still held. 

Resa77

If you are baptised Catholic and later decide you don't believe in the Church's authority or teachings, why on earth would you satisfy their requirements for leaving the Church? I recently attended a relative's outdoor, nondenominational ceremony, and didn't doubt whether that was okay. This relative does not consider herself Catholic, and hasn't since she was about 1012. I was of the understanding that you're Catholic until you denounce it publicly.

agapecarrie

The canon law that allowed for someone to "formerly defect" is no longer there.

The problem is more than "baptized without consent". It's about rejecting a faith. (most people in this situation haven't even bothered to look into anything about the faith and just leave it)

lalaith50

So basically, if someone wants to leave the Catholic Church but still wants their Catholic friends/family to come to the ceremony (for the purpose of this discussion, I'm assuming super-devout/rule-following Catholics,) they basically can't win.

If they get married in a Catholic Church just to get us to come (or for whatever reason) even though they deny everything that the Church teaches, that seems almost sacriligious to me. Making a mockery of the Catholic ceremony by someone who doesn't take it seriously.

OR, if they get married outside of the Catholic Church, then we shouldn't go???? 

So basically Catholics who have left the Church simply can't have their Catholic friends/family support them in their marriage no matter what they do?

professorscience

I think a much worse situation would be someone who professes to be Catholic (and devout, at that), but chooses to get married somewhere else with the attitude that it's okay because "they can just get a convalidation later," or that they just think the church's stance on weddings is stupid.

And again, it would just be so hard to not support someone you love in that venture.

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:e8c942b1-5486-4f53-9708-907a30bf9930">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE] So basically Catholics who have left the Church simply can't have their Catholic friends/family support them in their marriage no matter what they do?
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

<div>Again, it isn't a marriage. They may think it is. They may want it to be, but that doesn't make it true.</div><div>
</div><div>This also isn't about "getting people to come to a wedding." </div><div>
</div><div>I think the bigger picture is missing here. This isn't about a wedding. This is about rejecting the faith. Again, how much does the person know what they are rejecting? </div>

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:96dcda30-8c24-4295-a09e-3d3458525129">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics : Again, it isn't a marriage. They may think it is. They may want it to be, but that doesn't make it true. This also isn't about "getting people to come to a wedding."  I think the bigger picture is missing here. This isn't about a wedding. This is about rejecting the faith. Again, how much does the person know what they are rejecting? 
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

It's still a mariage just not a marriage that is recognized by the church.  Trust me my husband and I are married according to the state of Massachusetts.

Eliz77

I have a cousin who was baptized and not brought up as Catholic. He then married another baptized Catholic outside the Church. Some of the WP were practicing Catholics and many of our Catholic family members ((both sides, including myself) were in attendence. No one mentioned anything or whispered about the marriage not being real. And they now have 3 baptized children. I don't ask questions about how it all works, but I do view their marriage as real and support and love them just as much as if they did marry in the Church.

lalaith50

I'm very curious if this is STILL an *actual* *official* rule and most priests just never mention it, or more of a suggestion, or something that was true pre-Vatican II but isn't anymore.

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:e83e549a-5b87-4bf1-88fc-def864fe57b9">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics : It's still a mariage just not a marriage that is recognized by the church.  Trust me my husband and I are married according to the state of Massachusetts.
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

<div>Nope. The governement does not a marriage make.(I'm referring to the OP)  It is a natural God given institution. Protestants are not bound by canonical form. Catholics are. It is most definitely NOT a marriage when  a catholic marries outisde of form. It is a public state of fornication.</div><div>
</div><div>Just like all the sacraments need correct form and matter to be valid (water and words for baptism, or bread and wine and words/intent from priest for Eucharist for example), so does marriage. If a priest used doritos for communion, it would not be valid. </div>

Eliz77

Sounds like the couple the OP is talking about does not follow the Catholic ways of life, so in their case, they are married and living as a married couple. I very highly doubt they woukd care you you or the Church anyone else thinks of their marriage. They ARE legally married. The question here, if I am reading correctly, is how it affects the practicing Catholic who attends and supports a marriage that takes place outside the Catholic Church when one was baptized. 

Don't get me wrong agape, I respect the fact you (and everyone else on this forum) feel and believe things as you do. I just feel there are many ways to live and to practice religion, and what may be right for one person may be wrong for another. I am very glad I married in the Church and will be bringing up my children as I was brought up. But I do respect my friends and family who may have been baptized in the Catholic Church, but elected to go another route. I personally don't view them as sinners damned to Hell, or feel I am sinning myself for loving and supporting others who don't believe as I do. A friend once told me religion is what you make of it, and in my own way, I believe God wants me to me accepting, loving and tolerant of all mankind, and that includes people who do not share my beliefs. JMHO! 

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:779ff849-a4b3-4478-a7a7-0003c9d8d355">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]Sounds like the couple the OP is talking about does not follow the Catholic ways of life, so in their case, they are married and living as a married couple. I very highly doubt they woukd care you you or the Church anyone else thinks of their marriage. They ARE legally married. The question here, if I am reading correctly, is how it affects the practicing Catholic who attends and supports a marriage that takes place outside the Catholic Church when one was baptized.  Don't get me wrong agape, I respect the fact you (and everyone else on this forum) feel and believe things as you do. I just feel there are many ways to live and to practice religion, and what may be right for one person may be wrong for another. I am very glad I married in the Church and will be bringing up my children as I was brought up. But I do respect my friends and family who may have been baptized in the Catholic Church, but elected to go another route. I personally don't view them as sinners damned to Hell, or feel I am sinning myself for loving and supporting others who don't believe as I do. A friend once told me religion is what you make of it, and in my own way, I believe God wants me to me accepting, loving and tolerant of all mankind, and that includes people who do not share my beliefs. JMHO! 
Posted by Eliz77[/QUOTE]

<div>Nope. What you say here, (relative truth) is heresy. It's NOT what Jesus said. We do not make our own truth (That's what Adam and Eve tried to do: decide what was good and evil). </div><div>
</div><div>This has nothing to do with thinking someone is going to hell. That hasn't even been brought up here except by you? Why even bring that into the discussion? It's not relevant.</div><div>
</div><div>Just because people don't follow the Catholic way of life, if they are Baptized Catholic, the reality is they ARE Catholic. It doesn't matter how much you WANT something to not be true, it doesn't make it so. You cannot change truth. Religion is NOT what you make of it...then we would all be our own gods. </div><div>
</div><div>"Loving" is absolutely NOT supporting sin. It is not loving to encourage your child to do something harmful to themselves. It's not loving to encourage or support your brothers and sisters/friends to do something harmful to themselves. </div>

agapecarrie

Catholic Answers is orthodox: They've given these answers:

http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=167154

http://www.cuf.org/faithfacts/details_view.asp?ffID=137

monkeysip

In Agape's first link, I found this helpful:

"One rule of thumb that may be helpful in making such decisions might be to ask yourself if you believe the couple is doing the best that they can to act honorably and according to the truth that they have. So, for example, you might decide to attend the presumptively-invalid wedding of a couple who is expecting a child; but decline to attend the presumptively-invalid wedding of a couple who have engaged in adultery and destroyed previous marriages and families."

I think this is a reasonable way of approaching the issue.  I've also heard it said that we need to consider the amount of strife caused by not going versus the scandal of going.

For example, if my own son or daughter were marrying invalidly, I would probably still go (unless it were a pagan wedding, gay wedding, polygamist marriage, or something like that).  I think it would serve me more to keep the relationship with my son/daughter intact so that I could continue to be a good witness to them and help them with their spiritual path.  Not going might destroy our relationship irreparably, which solves nothing. 

I have had a couple not-so-close friends whose invalid weddings I have declined.  I didn't feel it compelling to cause scandal so as to not hurt their feelings.  But I also think they probably weren't hurt by my not coming anyways, because I didn't specifically say it was because of their invalid marriage.

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:0dc4c867-50a0-462c-bf7a-f3a8ec16d059">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics : Nope. The governement does not a marriage make.(I'm referring to the OP)  It is a natural God given institution. Protestants are not bound by canonical form. Catholics are. It is most definitely NOT a marriage when  a catholic marries outisde of form. It is a public state of fornication. Just like all the sacraments need correct form and matter to be valid (water and words for baptism, or bread and wine and words/intent from priest for Eucharist for example), so does marriage. If a priest used doritos for communion, it would not be valid. 
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

     Actually the government does decide who is married for all religions...I'm assuming when you got married in a catholic church you signed that legal form that said you were legally married...if that doesn't matter why did you sign it?
   As I said, it may not be valid by the church but it is by the state.  I understand that it is not recognized by the church and in the eyes of many I am living in sin but I would rather have been able to have my father there then have it be recognized by the church...of course I would have liked both but sometimes you can't always get what you want.
   Oh and on a side note...I do appreciate the links you posted they were very helpful.  So, if I understand it...catholics have to make their own judgement about going to a non-valid caremony and are allowed to go.  But, I was unsure if they are allowed to participate.  Is there a difference...not sure

Eliz77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:032c99c8-4510-4d4a-8a7f-78d4dd192ca6">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics : Nope. What you say here, (relative truth) is heresy. It's NOT what Jesus said. We do not make our own truth (That's what Adam and Eve tried to do: decide what was good and evil).  This has nothing to do with thinking someone is going to hell. That hasn't even been brought up here except by you? Why even bring that into the discussion? It's not relevant. Just because people don't follow the Catholic way of life, if they are Baptized Catholic, the reality is they ARE Catholic. It doesn't matter how much you WANT something to not be true, it doesn't make it so. You cannot change truth. Religion is NOT what you make of it...then we would all be our own gods.  "Loving" is absolutely NOT supporting sin. It is not loving to encourage your child to do something harmful to themselves. It's not loving to encourage or support your brothers and sisters/friends to do something harmful to themselves. 
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]<div>Because I was stating MY opinion and thoughts on this matter. That is what posters do on forums. No where did I state this or that is a fact. I know people who have been baptized but were not raised Catholic and do not consider themselves Catholic.My husband is an example of this.</div><div>
</div><div>To get back O/T, I personally do not believe being baptized yet not living as a Catholic and marrying outside the Church makes their marriages invalid or their actions are harmful. I see nothing wrong with supporting a couple who decide it is in their best interest to not marry in the Church or live as Catholics despite being baptized.</div><div>
</div><div>On a side note...I had a friend who was baptized in the Catholic Church, and she got married 12 years ago in her husband's Church-Lutheran. I was a bridesmaid and never once did it occur to me to not support her, stand up for her or to question what she was doing was wrong. She IS legally married and I highly doubt she cares whether the Catholic Church views her marriage as invalid.</div>

Chloeagh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:5fde04b4-c4fc-480e-ad16-056ce67a9c8d">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics : Because I was stating MY opinion and thoughts on this matter. That is what posters do on forums. No where did I state this or that is a fact. I know people who have been baptized but were not raised Catholic and do not consider themselves Catholic.My husband is an example of this. To get back O/T, I personally do not believe being baptized yet not living as a Catholic and marrying outside the Church makes their marriages invalid or their actions are harmful. I see nothing wrong with supporting a couple who decide it is in their best interest to not marry in the Church or live as Catholics despite being baptized. On a side note...I had a friend who was baptized in the Catholic Church, and she got married 12 years ago in her husband's Church-Lutheran. I was a bridesmaid and never once did it occur to me to not support her, stand up for her or to question what she was doing was wrong. She IS legally married and I highly doubt she cares whether the Catholic Church views her marriage as invalid.
Posted by Eliz77[/QUOTE]I agree with this. I have a friend who was baptized Catholic, but was raised in both the Catholic and Lutheran churches. She was fully educated and attended classes about both and when the time came, she chose to be confirmed Lutheran. I'm not about to tell her that her marriage will be invalid because her dad didn't force her to follow his religion instead of her mom's.

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:9ecf5b9e-5383-4915-b2ba-c40c42d7d4b2">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics :      Actually the government does decide who is married for all religions...I'm assuming when you got married in a catholic church you signed that legal form that said you were legally married...if that doesn't matter why did you sign it?    As I said, it may not be valid by the church but it is by the state.  I understand that it is not recognized by the church and in the eyes of many I am living in sin but I would rather have been able to have my father there then have it be recognized by the church...of course I would have liked both but sometimes you can't always get what you want.    Oh and on a side note...I do appreciate the links you posted they were very helpful.  So, if I understand it...catholics have to make their own judgement about going to a non-valid caremony and are allowed to go.  But, I was unsure if they are allowed to participate.  Is there a difference...not sure
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No, you got it backwards. The government does NOT make a marriage. God does. He is higher than the government. In many countries, religious are not allowed to make a marriage "legal". THAT is something entirely separate. In the USA, the priests can act as a legal witness and perform that legal marriage also. It isn't the government that marries someone. It's God.</div><div>
</div><div>What you are saying...you would rather have your dad there to witness you rejecting the faith, than if you were to accept the way that the church, the bride of Christ is calling you to be in communion with her... because marriage outside the faith means you can no longer receive the sacraments now. So you can't become one with Christ in the Eucharist--- the most personal connection we can have with Jesus ever...the most beautiful gift given to us, the source and summit of our faith. And you gave that up? Is that what you are saying?<div>
</div></div>

agapecarrie

To be clear, non catholics are not bound by canonical form.

Can.  1108 §1. Only those marriages are valid which are contracted before the local ordinary, pastor, or a priest or deacon delegated by either of them, who assist, and before two witnesses according to the rules expressed in the following canons

Calypso1977

For me, i think it depends upon whether or not the couple intends to practice the catholic faith.  if they do, then i cant support a marriage performed outside of the church.  i would probably not go.

if the couple was raised catholic but is making a conscious decision to leave the church or practice another faith entirely, then that's a different story for me. 

i know my mother attended her brother's wedding but denied being a bridesmaid and stood in the  back of the church.  he married outside of the faith, although he went on to ultimately leave the church and practice his wife's faith.

my parents also did not attend any second weddings of my father's siblings as the first marriages were not annulled and the second weddings were secular/in other denominations.

Calypso1977

i know my father would never have wanted me to marry civilly just so he could be there.  he woudl never want me to do that, btu he was a very strong catholic.  im assuming pretzel's dad was not practicing or strong in the faith, otherwise he never would have wanted his daughter to do what she did.

shawna127

So, I have a question.  I was a bridesmaid for one of my friends.  She was not baptized catholic and has never gone to the catholic church.  Was it wrong of me to be her bridesmaid?  I am truly curious, I had never heard of this (although it makes sense after hearing it)

Calypso1977

So, I have a question. I was a bridesmaid for one of my friends. She was not baptized catholic and has never gone to the catholic church. 

no, because the catholic church recognizes unions of other faiths as valid.

shawna127

Thank you, that's what I was thinking but I thought I would verify

Chloeagh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:de74eb59-423b-429d-9224-de6fc6befe17">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]So, I have a question. I was a bridesmaid for one of my friends. She was not baptized catholic and has never gone to the catholic church.   no, because the catholic church recognizes unions of other faiths as valid.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
But what if they were batized Catholic and chose a different religion when they were older? I've seen that mentioned a few times, but I haven't seen an answer. If you are actually confirmed in another religion, is that different than just not going to church anymore?

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:70d28dba-7813-4b0f-a6b9-2985c1769995">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]i know my father would never have wanted me to marry civilly just so he could be there.  he woudl never want me to do that, btu he was a very strong catholic.  im assuming pretzel's dad was not practicing or strong in the faith, otherwise he never would have wanted his daughter to do what she did.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

     Sorry maybe I should have been clear...my father is not catholic.  He is strong in his faith but he is protestant.  My mother is catholic, and raised us kids as catholic.  My dad supported me in getting married at a unitarian church because he had been very sick for a bit and his health was failing fast.  I had always intended to get married at my childhood church (which is how I ended up on these boards :) However, my non-catholic fiance was divorced so we were unable to get married in the catholic church without an anullment .  As many of you know anullments can take a while and they cannot understandably give you an exact time when it can be finished.   The priest told me it could take a year or up to a year and a half. 
     So, we chose to get maried in a unitarian church which was very welcoming.  My dad actually really liked the church and the minister (again he is protestant).  It was harder to convince my mom but I just couldn't imagine getting married without my dad and the idea of a wedding was what was keeping him going.  He was able to go to the ceremony, and hhad to go home after it because he wasn't feeling well but he said to my mom..."well, I did it I got to give her away".  My wedding was in August...he started to slowly deteriorate in the following monthes and he passed away in February.
     I understand why not everyone would do what I would do...and it makes me sad that I cannot recieve communion.  But, I know what I did was right for me when I look at the photo of how happy my dad was that day. 

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:f61510e5-5cbe-4df2-a778-c50e4d0b0efc">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics : But what if they were batized Catholic and chose a different religion when they were older? I've seen that mentioned a few times, but I haven't seen an answer. If you are actually confirmed in another religion, is that different than just not going to church anymore?
Posted by Chloeagh[/QUOTE]

<div>I think the official stance is, "Once Catholic, always Catholic."  However, this is pretty hard to... enforce (? definitely not the right word, but I can't think of anything else) if the person has completely renounced Catholicism.  Even if there's no official way to "leave" the Church anymore, I can't see myself being like, "Uh, no, you're definitely Catholic and I can't support your marriage because you're doing it wrong."</div><div>
</div><div>@Pretzel, I'm glad you're sharing your experiences with us.  Have you and your husband looked into getting an annullment for him now that you are married?</div>