Catholic Weddings

Should I be angry?...Need opinions

THANKS for reponses everyone

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Re: Should I be angry?...Need opinions

  • edited December 2011
    No, you should not be mad.  This is not a big deal.  Sure it's a bummer that not everyone will be able to make it to both weddings but you get to choose your date and she gets to choose hers.

    Have you sent out save the dates?  She may not even know when your wedding day is.  Just because she isn't in school does not mean that they do not have time restraints.

    If they had set their date before you did, could you honestly say that you would move your date?  If it is such a problem for you, then change your date.

    I highly doubt she picked the date in order to get married first.  It's lower class for you to think that your engagement trumps hers and a whole two months doesn't really count as "we've been engaged longer."
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  • edited December 2011
    I think it is okay to be a little upset about it, I totally understand, I would be too. But you also have to think about, did she know your wedding day? I mean I would just talk to her and she may have valid reasons why she picked that date. over all I dont think it is a big deal, but to be a little angry over it, is normal :)
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  • meltoinemeltoine member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto PP. Are you sure they know what date you picked? Also, what's the harm in pushing yours back a month or two? You be even farther out of school with more money saved towards a home. 
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  • Theresa626Theresa626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    On the one hand, it would seem that it is not a big deal because people have many reasons other than you that they choose their wedding dates and perhaps they didn't think of this or that was the only day they could get their desired reception hall.  However, I can see that it would be upsetting because it is a lot to ask people to buy flights and take time off two weeks apart from one another.  Did you put a deposit down yet?  Could you change the date?  Could you call the cousin and point out that family members may not be able to get vacation time or money for two flights and see if they can work something out with you?  
  • ring_popring_pop member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You could be angry, but that won't do you any good at this point. Stewing about it won't change anything.

    Your options are 1. accept things as they are, 2. change your date, or 3. if FI and his cousin have a good relationship, have him talk to his cousin to see if there's anything they can work out.
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  • edited December 2011
    Let it go. Esp if you already have sent std's out and if you have things book and deposits out already. I am sure your FI family will definitely be at your wedding and it is their choice and responsibilty to make arrangements for the cousins wedding providing the dates remain the same.
  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    you get one day, not a hold on an entire month or year.

    that said, some of your fiance's family will most likely pick one wedding over the other.  but i'm almost certain that his parents will pick yours over their nephews, so you know that at least the most important family will be at yours.  if others select the cousin's wedding over yours, then consider it money saved on your budget! 

    maybe they dont even realize you have a date, or maybe they do and dont see it as a big deal.  you also dont know what time constraints tehy may very well have.  sure, its not school, but maybe one of them is considering going back, or maybe there is a job situation in the works, or maybe tehy are trying to plan for a family.  or maybe they just really like that month or date, perhaps it has significance for them.

    if you are really bothered, you can always just change your date. 
  • Riss91Riss91 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Be the better person here. I know it's hard, but don't let anyone else's plans stress you out. Trust me, the day after your wedding you honestly will say " Why did I even get so worked up about it?". Yes, some of your guests may have to choose between attending two weddings, but as pp said - the people that truly care will be there. And the day of your wedding you won't even have a chance to notice their absence. I'd be sure to send out-of-town guests travel accommodation information as early as possible so that they can make the appropriate arrangements. 

    I can certainly understand from your point of view, getting the feeling that she's trying to step on your toes, but never give her the satisfaction of letting it bother you. Focus on your wedding and your marriage and forget about the rest for now. And, keep as much of your planning details to yourself - that way she's not tempted to steal anything else from you.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the responses everyone. They KNEW our date was two weeks from the day they chose. I HAVE already sent out save the dates, as well as placed a deposit down for our day at a reception venue. I hardly see any reason why I should, of all people, have to change my date. Especially since we will be engaged for over a year at that time and they would have been 9 months. Anyways, I think I will just let it go. I don't want to postpone our happy day.
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  • Theresa626Theresa626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well then, you've already sent out save the dates and they haven't.  People might start planning for yours before they know about hers so you've got that on her.  
  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    oh, you neglected to mention those important tidbits in your OP.

    that said, you are in the clear.  you defintiely wont be the ones who look silly in this scenario.
  • edited December 2011
    You have a right to be angry.. but just let it go and let them look like the "silly" people in the situation.

    Best of luck and Happy Planning..

    P.S. don't let anyone stop you two from having your  happy day! Just brush them off and go on with your life
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  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, you have to accept it, but yes, I would be pissed too...:)
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  • edited December 2011
    I can definitely understand where you're coming from and why you're upset.  A VERY similar situation happened to us.  We had been engaged for about 6 months and planned our wedding date a year and a half in advance.  Then my FI's cousin got engaged and scheduled their wedding for the weekend before ours...we were pretty upset, especially since FI was very close to his cousin (he was a groomsman in our wedding) and it seemed inconsiderate.  We were mainly afraid that it would put FI's relatives in a difficult situation where they'd have to choose, plus we'd have to drive 9 hours to their wedding the weekend before ours while trying to plan our own!  Fortunately, they ended up changing their date for 2 months later...and I won't lie..we were relieved because it was going to be a big hassle for everyone.  BUT, a few people in my family (along with the ladies on here) had a very good point (about my situation and yours)....most people already know that your wedding date was set long before theirs and if anything, it may look kind of bad/ inconsiderate/ silly on their part.  So just try to be the bigger person about it, don't get too uptight, and don't let it put a damper on your wedding or theirs.  Good luck!!             
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