Wedding Pet Peeves

Resa77

What things do people do at weddings that drive you bonkers, make your stomach turn, offend you, etc? 

For me, I can't stand when people make jokes about the groom not wanting to be there.  Things like "Help Me" being written on the bottom of his shoes; the cake toppers with the bride dragging the groom; or even just little jokes made by guests.  I just think it's tacky and offensive.  A marriage in which both people aren't coming freely on their own will isn't valid, so it's not a funny thing to joke about. 

Another thing I don't like is when people ring bells/clink glasses/whatever to make the B&G kiss.  I realize that a lot of people like that, but I just don't.  I will kiss my husband when I want, thank you very much.  That's more of a personal preference, though, so it's not like I judge people who do that or anything.  Just not my taste.

professorscience

Tacky toasts.  I recently attended a wedding where the MOH used the word "sexcapades" TWICE.

I also dislike the use of birds/fish/other animals... a girl I know and her H released doves outside the church after their wedding.  Give me a break.  We also had someone on the DFW board as if we knew where she could find a falcon to be her ringbearer.

EXCEPT elephants or other livestock in those awesome Indian weddings.  I will ride to my groom on an elephant any day.

Resa77

I would ride on an elephant, too.  That would be legit, and feel like Princess Jasmine, who was always my fav Disney Princess!

lalaith50

Absolutely those "Help Me" things. Ugh. You shouldn't be getting married if the groom thinks/feels anything remotely close to that....

However, as for the glasses clinking thing- DH and I weren't really sure of what we thought of that, so we decided to stun everyone into shock the first time they tried it. (This is more funny if you've seen the SNL skit with the cowbell. I hadn't seen it, so this was only mildly funny when then-FI described the idea to me.) 

We bought a cowbell from ebay and gave it to DH's goofy brother, and directed him to run around the hall clanging it in the air whenever people started the glasses clinking. It was hilarious. Everyone was just like, "wth?!" when it first happened, I think it kind of frightened them into only rarely clinking glasses!

ETA: I mostly attend weddings in Catholic churches, and I HATE it when I see ladies in skanky dresses. (like, really? save it for a nightclub, not an afternoon wedding...)

sbelle85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-pet-peeves?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:dd46bd59-8f9e-4070-83ef-48987cdb0676Post:64ebbde5-db06-4ed9-bb5c-517eac5b1a5b">Wedding Pet Peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]What things do people do at weddings that drive you bonkers, make your stomach turn, offend you, etc?  <strong>For me, I can't stand when people make jokes about the groom not wanting to be there.  Things like "Help Me" being written on the bottom of his shoes; the cake toppers with the bride dragging the groom; or even just little jokes made by guests.  I just think it's tacky and offensive.  </strong>A marriage in which both people aren't coming freely on their own will isn't valid, so it's not a funny thing to joke about.  Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

This. I also don't like it when they send the ring bearer or flower girl down the aisle holding a sign that says something like "Turn Off Your Phones," "Here Comes the Bride," or "Last Chance to Run." (super offensive). I know that they think it's cute, but I think it's a gimmicky trend that's already overdone. I don't really like anything "trendy" or cutesy like that at a wedding. I think it's obnoxious. That also includes the recent trend of making your bridal party dance down the aisle to pop music.

One thing that has been all over Pinterest lately is a photo of a jar on the gift table, with bills and coins in it, labeled "Honeymoon Fund!" All of these girls are pinning it and raving about what a 'great idea' it is, but I think it's one of the tackiest things I've ever seen.

I also don't like beach weddings, or outdoor weddings for that matter.

Tami87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-pet-peeves?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:dd46bd59-8f9e-4070-83ef-48987cdb0676Post:7d958468-92c4-49e3-8282-e3c306ec1fc8">Re: Wedding Pet Peeves</a>:
[QUOTE] EXCEPT elephants or other livestock in those awesome Indian weddings.  I will ride to my groom on an elephant any day.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]

There was an Indian wedding at the hotel we stayed at for our engagement encounter weekend. It looked like so much fun. No elephants but they did have a horse. The decorations were awesome and everyone was partying all day. Made for some funny moments as we were trying to listen to the presenting couples share their stories in the meeting room across the hall only to be interrupted by intense drumming.

As for pet peeves, I agree anything about things that make it seem like the groom was forced into the marriage is really tacky. I also dislike when people add too many jokes to their vows. I think vows should be serious. I generally dislike when I feel like the couple isn't taking the wedding seriously.

caitriona87

Agreed on the unwilling groom jokes...not funny.

I can't stand skanky garter retrievals/tosses. I'm sure it can be done tastefully but I don't think I've ever witnessed it.

I'm also not big on unity candles or sand ceremonies...they seem a bit redundant IMO. I have seen people do them in order to make their moms feel more involved, which is a sentiment I can understand.

professorscience

@Tami: H and I got engaged in Dubai, during Eid, and there was a wedding EVERY NIGHT in our hotel.  It was amazing.  We didn't get to crash any, but there was plenty of extravagance spilling out into the lobby.

@Cait: H was so against garter tossing that we ended up not doing it.  I've seen so many pictures where the groom is completely under the bride's dress and she just looks so uncomfortable... I don't really want everyone seeing him get up in my business!

bibliophile2010

I think you guys have hit on mine: skanky garter removal (we didn't do a garter or a bouquet toss), and miserable guy "jokes" being the biggest. I'm less offended by things that guests or wedding party members do, just because the B & G don't necessarily have full control over that.

Another personal pet peeve is club music/dancing -- I don't think that weddings are a place to get your skank on. We kept it clean and everyone had a great time!

Lastly, people who say or admit that (or look like) they don't care about the ceremony. That's the whole point of the wedding! Why go to all this stress and trouble for a big party? That just seems asinine to me.

agapecarrie

I think I'm at about 170 weddings I've played now (ish?) I could write a book.

--- I'm sorry to those who love this, but if I have to play canon one more time..... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM

my friend who plays violin with me all the time...she and I made up a song to it. It's called "Ode to beer". We sing "beer" on each of the 1/2 notes.

--- When a priest says "no" to some sort of "activity" that someone wants to do, and they do it anyway: A marine wedding, where they walk under the swords, kiss, and the guys spank them. Well, the priest said, no, do it outside. They did it anyway.

-- When a photographer doesn't know his boundaries and ruins the moment to "preserve it" for a lifetime....Stands right in front of the unity candle as the moms do their thing, he blocks everyone's view.

--- a guy brings a laptop computer into the sanctuary of the church, sets it up under the st. joseph statue so that the flower girl/ring bearer kids could be entertained with a movie while waiting for pics to be done before the wedding (meanwhile, we have people in the adoration chapel which has a glass door that shuts it off from the main body of the church-- the door was open in preparation for the wedding.

--- when a relative of the couple is asked to sing for the wedding, but they are extremely unprofessional, forget to bring the copies of their own music, don't dress appropriately. 

--- When a florist tries to put up rope garland down the middle aisle and we tell them they aren't allowed to do that --- and they say "well we have to see what the bride says". Um. no. It's not up to her.

- When someone answers their cell phone in the church right before the wedding is supposed to start

I could go on. and on. and on.

monkeysip

I pretty much agree with everything said so far.

No offense to people, but I personally hate head tables.

And I hate really cheesy or tacky dancing or music.

ootmother2

I so see all of youre points and agree with most. Particularly the one with the reluctant bride.  Half the guys I know should be so furtunate.n 

It's a change?  Get used to it, it's called being a grown up.  at ome point we all have to do it.

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-pet-peeves?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:dd46bd59-8f9e-4070-83ef-48987cdb0676Post:c52842c8-fad1-45bd-8e25-5efa09666403">Re: Wedding Pet Peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]  I'm sorry to those who love this, but if I have to play canon one more time.....  
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

<div>HAHAHAHAHA.  I really wanted Canon, but H was like, "Ugh, that's so overdone!"  He's such a hipster.</div>

BTCarolus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-pet-peeves?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:dd46bd59-8f9e-4070-83ef-48987cdb0676Post:c52842c8-fad1-45bd-8e25-5efa09666403">Re: Wedding Pet Peeves</a>:
[QUOTE] -- When a photographer doesn't know his boundaries and ruins the moment to "preserve it" for a lifetime....Stands right in front of the unity candle as the moms do their thing, he blocks everyone's view. 
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]
Our parish (or, I guess my parent's parish) has a diagram for photographers that shows the approved places they're allowed to stand. I guess it's unlikely that the priest would stop everything to tell the photog to go back to his spot, but I think most follow the rules. Maybe suggest that?

ellen73

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-pet-peeves?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:dd46bd59-8f9e-4070-83ef-48987cdb0676Post:c52842c8-fad1-45bd-8e25-5efa09666403">Re: Wedding Pet Peeves</a>:
[QUOTE] When someone answers their cell phone in the church right before the wedding is supposed to start I could go on. and on. and on.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

Better than a music director who was having a personal conversation on her cell phone before church, in the front of church, while changing the numbers on the board for the hymns! 

Resa77

These are all great!  I agree about the garter toss being uncomfortable/awkward.  I have been to several weddings with a bouquet toss, but no garter toss.  I think I might just do that! 

BTCarolus

I saw a suggestion on here somewhere for a bouquet toss where instead of the actual bouquet, you toss a bunch of flowers that aren't held together. Then instead of a mad scramble for the bouquet, everybody gets a flower or two. I'm thinking of doing that, since I really disliked the bouquet toss as a single girl.

ETA: and NO garter toss. Or garter. It's really not done in my circle, so it would just make everybody uncomfortable all around.

lalaith50

BT- that's cute! I've never heard of that! 

We did a "lottery ticket" bouquet, since, well, IME, the problem is more usually everyone is sooo reluctant to get up there for the bouquet, and we opened it up to guys and girls (since we didn't do the garter,) and everyone loved it!

shawna127

I totally agree with the groom not wanting to be there, that's just awful! If he really doesn't want to be there, don't get married!!! lol

Also,  I went to a protestant wedding and they took "communion" with gold fish and juice, I was mortified!!! I've seen the juice before, but goldfish?

caitriona87

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[QUOTE]These are all great!  I agree about the garter toss being uncomfortable/awkward.  I have been to several weddings with a bouquet toss, but no garter toss.  I think I might just do that! 
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

That's we we did...bouquet, but no garter. Nobody seemed to miss it.

Tami87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-pet-peeves?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:dd46bd59-8f9e-4070-83ef-48987cdb0676Post:551c2ad5-39eb-48af-b9e8-61defa6a3f47">Re: Wedding Pet Peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally agree with the groom not wanting to be there, that's just awful! If he really doesn't want to be there, don't get married!!! lol Also,  I went to a protestant wedding and they took "communion" with gold fish and juice, I was mortified!!! I've seen the juice before, but goldfish?
Posted by shawna127[/QUOTE]


Wow really goldfish? I have never seen this. All the protestant churches where I have seen communion it has always been bread or communion wafer like. Although I have seen juice and individual cups and such passed around so people don't have to drink from the same cup.

I am doing a garter toss, lol. It doesn't bother me much unless people try to pull out gag items and what not or are really ridiculous about it. I also insisted I have a chair and not sit on groomsmen (thankfully FI had never heard of this and was like of course you get a chair). I also don't like the put the garter on the girl who caught the bouquet idea, that's just awkward. We are just doing a photo with the people who catch it. We are one of the first to get married out of our friends so we have a lot of single friends who have indicated they want to participate and the tosses are common in our circle so it was something we wanted to do.

Oh other things I hate are wedding party dances although I don't think I have actually ever seen this done. Also not a big fan of choreographed dances in general except if it is like ballroom style dancing for first dance or father daughter dance.

shawna127

Tami- yeah it was a nondenominational church, and I was in shcok. I had never heard of that anywhere else, ever! lol

Resa77

Monkey -- I also dislike head tables.  I don't like the idea of splitting people up from their dates.  FI and I will do a sweetheart table, but our BP will all be seated at tables with their dates/family/friends. 

Another thing I don't like is when the last dance is between just the bride and groom (as in, the DJ announces the last dance and asks everyone to stand around the dance floor and watch the B&G).  I LOVE dancing, so I want to be warned when MY last dance is lol.  Plus, it's usually a really good song that I would have wanted to dance to.

professorscience

I've never heard of that, Resa.  I've heard of a private last dance (which we did, and it was awesome), where the B&G have one last dance while everyone else leaves to prepare for the "grand exit."  Our last group dance was actually the "theme song" from the camp where we'd met (half our WP was people we'd met at camp) and everyone got together in a big circle and just swayed, like we'd done back at camp.  It was so fun!

OliveOilsMom

Resa, instead of the bouquet & garter toss, H & I did an anniversary dance.  All the married couples are called onto the dance floor and slowly they are removed (5 yrs & under, 10 years & under, etc).  The last remaining and longest married couple get a couple spins on the dance floor and then we presented the toss bouquet to them in honor of their long standing marriage.  It ended up being my dad's cousin & hubby.  She was shocked and touched when she received the bouquet. 

I don't like the tosses either.  And I would have literally had 4 single people up for the tosses and that just seemed wrong to call out the single people like that!

Resa77

See, I don't mind the bouquet toss.  When I was single (which was WAY longer than all my friends, I'm the last to get married), I loved it.  I still go out for the toss now that I'm engaged.  That's going to make weddings less fun for me when I'm married lol.

lmeade62

The dollar dance. Our reception was very relaxed and low-key...we didn't have a lot of dancing, just played music and sat around and ate and laughed. I think dollar dances are very tacky and "dance hall." Sorry if someone did that!

Linda

Tami87

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[QUOTE]The dollar dance. Our reception was very relaxed and low-key...we didn't have a lot of dancing, just played music and sat around and ate and laughed. I think dollar dances are very tacky and "dance hall." Sorry if someone did that! Linda
Posted by lmeade62[/QUOTE]

This is another one that didn't bother me until I came to the knot and realized how much people hate it and find it tacky. My roommate from college had one at her wedding and I didn't even think anything about it at the time. The only thing I found annoying about them was that they tended to drag on and on and everyone wanted to dance with the bride and not the groom.

We are not having one at our wedding and when I told my mom this, she said what if people try to have one anyway. Apparently at my parents wedding the guests just decided with the band that the next dance was going to be a dollar dance and essentially forced my mother to take money. I guess they kind of just went with it because they didn't know what else to do, but it definitely wan't planned. I am hoping this doesn't happen to me, although considering just my aunts and uncles not great aunts and uncles are invited hopefully it won't be a thing! Could also be that my mom's family is polish... I have heard that the dollar dance is popular at polish weddings. I was also told by my mother I must have at least one polka song to appease the polish grandparents, lol.

lisag76

Ok I have a long list of pet peeves. Here are mine.

For the ceremony:
1) When the bride and groom don't even know when to sit/stand etc. but they bring in a decorator to make the church little pretty. Ummm, its a church-the house of God. It's pretty enough on its own!
2)The unity candle/sand thingy. I know the sand unity thing started with outdoor weddings and candles getting blown out but the whole thing drives me crazy. First of all the unity candle tradition is no part of a traditional Catholic mass. Nowhere in the rite does it say anything about a unity candle. It is a florist invention I think.
3)When all the music is instrumental. I for one at all masses I am at sing and participate. I plan to do that on my wedding day too. I have an opening hymn, offertory hymn, communion hymn and recessional hymn.

Reception:
1) Bouquet toss and garter toss. I have spent many a wedding camped out in the bathroom when the bouquet toss was going on to avoid the whole fiasco. I do not want to torture my single friends.
2)Obnoxious DJ's. I hate when they feel they need to entertain. Just play good music. That is entertainment enough.
3) Long speeches or Masters of Ceremonies who are very bad at their job.
4) Money dances. All of your guests have spent enough money on you.

In general:
In Canada (and I believe Britian) it is a custom to do a "buck and doe" which is basically a party where you have beer, wine, and hamburgers or pulled pork or some other fairly cheap fare. You sell tickets to this event and once there you are expected to spend another 25 bucks or so on stupid games which are designed to get the bride and groom more money. I hate the whole thought of this. Especially since 90% of the time they also have a shower where people are expected to get them a gift. If I go to a wedding I buy a shower gift and a wedding gift and that is enough thank you very much.

MedStudent13

Ugh. Unity candles/sand/water/cocktails you name it, I hate them all!!!

professorscience

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[QUOTE]Ok I have a long list of pet peeves. Here are mine. For the ceremony: 1) When the bride and groom don't even know when to sit/stand etc. but they bring in a decorator to make the church little pretty. Ummm, its a church-the house of God. It's pretty enough on its own! 2)The unity candle/sand thingy. I know the sand unity thing started with outdoor weddings and candles getting blown out but the whole thing drives me crazy. First of all the unity candle tradition is no part of a traditional Catholic mass.<strong> Nowhere in the rite does it say anything about a unity candle. It is a florist invention I think.</strong> 3)When all the music is instrumental. I for one at all masses I am at sing and participate. I plan to do that on my wedding day too. I have an opening hymn, offertory hymn, communion hymn and recessional hymn. Reception: 1) Bouquet toss and garter toss. I have spent many a wedding camped out in the bathroom when the bouquet toss was going on to avoid the whole fiasco. I do not want to torture my single friends. 2)Obnoxious DJ's. I hate when they feel they need to entertain. Just play good music. That is entertainment enough. 3) Long speeches or Masters of Ceremonies who are very bad at their job. 4) Money dances. All of your guests have spent enough money on you. In general: In Canada (and I believe Britian) it is a custom to do a "buck and doe" which is basically a party where you have beer, wine, and hamburgers or pulled pork or some other fairly cheap fare. You sell tickets to this event and once there you are expected to spend another 25 bucks or so on stupid games which are designed to get the bride and groom more money. I hate the whole thought of this. Especially since 90% of the time they also have a shower where people are expected to get them a gift. If I go to a wedding I buy a shower gift and a wedding gift and that is enough thank you very much.
Posted by lisag76[/QUOTE]

It's from a soap opera!  Yay, trivia!