Don't have a priest...

Jay+Marissa

I'd like some advice on this--I'm not sure why I didn't think about this before...and now I'm getting a little worried (wedding is June 12)

We are having our wedding at my home parish in Texas--it is a huge parish of 28,000 people, and the place is pretty much a wedding factory. We did our FOCCUS with the deacon, and our Pre-cana through the diocese, so we have had no contact with the Monsignor of the church (the only priest). I've never really met the guy, and I've had 3 separate people tell us NOT to have him do our wedding. Great at admin, not so much at the whole spiritual aspect of the wedding. (He once gave an Easter homily that consisted of "I wasn't supposed to be doing this mass. Happy Easter" and is known for cutting you off during confession to keep it under a minute--no joke)

At any rate, I was going to try and find someone else, and figured we'd use him as a last resort. Now I'm not so sure he is available at all, and the priest we had some connections with is not available that day.

I really don't know who to ask now. Both our families moved around a lot and don't really have any connection with a priest like it seems a lot of people do, and it looks like there is no "de facto" priest.

Would it be weird to ask the priest of our parish here at school? It is a University parish, so he is used to dealing with students. I've talked to him on occasion, and he knows who I am, but we don't have much of a relationship. I do some volunteering around the Church and attend mass every Sunday, but I'm not as involved in the student ministry as I used to be (i.e. not much at all in the past 2 years). My sister is a "peer minister" at the Church and says she thinks he would jump at the chance, but I'm still not sure, since the wedding is 3.5 hours away.

Should I ask? Any other suggestions? I know I should have taken care of this much sooner.

ootmother2

I think it would be fine to invite the university priest.

From what I can see the only alternative is the deacon and he can't do the mass.

Otherwise, get searching for priests available in your area. and good luck!

samurai21

I would. I had met the priest marrying us once on a more personal level when I interviewed him for a project in University.

We're not getting married in our diocese because my parish is too small and I've never really liked out priest and didn't want him to marry us if possible. We're getting married about 35 mins away in Indianapolis, IN. The church we're using required that you have your priest lined up before booking for outside parishioners. So, I contacted the church I attended to during school and hoped that one of the 4 priests could do it, and the priest I had previously interviewed (though doesn't remember) was glad to help, and he's awesome. One of a handful of priests in our stat that's been married before, which gives us a cool perspective.

In a nutshell, my home diocese is involved because they wrote us a letter saying it was ok that we didn't get married there, we're getting married in a different diocese, and our priest is in a different diocese where my school is, about an hour or so away from the actual church we're getting married at. I couldn't be happier, so go for it!

akg0053

I would ask.

My FI and I were both confirmed at our college parish. After we moved to Houston, we had no connection to any priest. We finally found one we liked, but we also found out that the priest we had more of a connection to was in Austin. So, we are using our collegiate priest to do our wedding. When we met with him, he was very open and understanding and willing to make any accomodations we needed.

[Deleted User]

You can have any priest or deacon preside over your wedding, but in most cases you just have to get permission from the church you are getting married at to allow another priest/deacon to preside over the ceremony. At least that is how it works at the church we are getting married at even though we don't have to worry about that, thank God. I can definitely understand what you are going thru though b/c that is the reason why we choose FI's church instead of mine b/c my priest's term was up and he left. I didn't feel like I had a chance to get to know new priest before I moved to join my FI out of state due to his job. Good Luck! It will all work out. Remember, it is the marriage that is the lifetime, the wedding is just a day.

Calypso1977

if you attend Mass regularly at the University parish, then i would use that priest since in theory you do have a connection to him as a regular parishioner.  But even if you dont, a connection isnt necessary.  I know we see a lot of stories on here about the priest being a life long friend, or the priest having administered to the bride or groom all of their sacraments, etc. but the reality is, any priest can marry you, and most can still make it a meaningful ceremony even if they dont know you all that well on a personal level.  id ask him, and you can pre-empt his concern about the distance by offering him a hotel room for one or two nights if needed, and of course he gets an invite to the reception regardless.

Jay+Marissa

Thanks! My dad knows a priest we are going to check with, and if that doesn't work out, I think I will ask our collegiate pastor.

It doesn't help that it seems like everyone in the world is getting married on June 12 (I know 3 other Catholic couples with the same wedding date!)

ootmother2

lol, you have no priest and we had too many!

Pastor of the church, (not home parish) who did the mass but the wedding was done by the bride's uncle, a deacon of the church.  Two friends of the parents were priests and they were on the alter.

I think they are good and married with that number! 

Theresa626

You should absolutely ask the priest at school.  He will probably be much better than the other one. When you ask him, you should offer to pay for a hotel for him to be courteous because that is a very long drive to make twice in one day. Also, invite him to your reception of course.  Tell him these things when you ask and he might be more interested in doing it. 

theredskittle

You should totally ask the university priest, especially since you know him pretty well. Looks like you are in a BYOP situation (bring your own priest!

A friend of mine was in a similar situation, and she ended up just calling around to other churches at random, until she found a priest who was available. In this case, since he didn't know them very well, he had them write him letters to get to know them better, and submit like "resume-type" information in a blurb about their relationship so that he could make the mass more personal to them as a couple, and that ended up working out nicely for them.

Good luck!