long distance planning...help!

cmatthew

i am recently engaged and both FI and i are catholic and planning on having a catholic ceremony in milwaukee, wi in june of 2012.  however there are some slight snafus in the planning process. 
1. ever since my childhood parish closed and merged, i haven't really had a close connection to any parish in milwaukee.  my FI and i were thinking of finding a new church to marry in and become members of, sort of a "starting our lives together" type of thing. 
2. i'm out in PA getting my master's and my FI's new to the milwaukee area and doesn't really have any idea about parishes to scope out.  getting back to milwaukee will be tough for me this semester and the soonest that i'm planning on coming home will be in august.  don't you have to be a member of a parish for at least 6 months before you can marry there?

so, do any of you catholic ladies have any suggestions of things we could do?  i know june is a popular wedding month and i'd really like to book the church asap.

ootmother2

well, it's still June, way more than  a year off, and that's a good thing

My daughter and her FI went to college in Boston and stayed on after graduation, living apart and both getting going on their own careers.  They pretty much "caught" Sunday mass where they could.  Down the Cape, where his parents lived but he hadn't or the church at Boston College, which they both attended but there is no "real" parish, other than the students.

They decided on a Cape Cod wedding.  I am from the area originally as is much of my family.

They chose several churches in the area and went to see them.  One church, quite small (seats maybe 225) they fell totally in love with so they went in to see the priest to see if he would consider them having their wedding there. (this was about 15 months out, a September wedding)

The priest welcomed them with open arms and they could have their wedding there on the date they had chosen.  The only cost was the soloist/organist that had to be paid, used or not.  She was fantastic and they used her along with a flutist and trumpeter.  Beautiful!

Surprisingly no charge for not being a member and the pastor refused a fee.

The bride's uncle, a deacon of the church, did the actual wedding and the pastor said the Nuptial Mass.

The End.

see, it can be done but you have to be willing to put the effort into it!

ootmother2

add on


September is prime wedding time on Cape Cod, even more so than June.

GL

[Deleted User]

H and I planned long distance. It really just depends on the church. Some require you to be members, others don't. Once you select a church, I would just go in and talk to the priest. Sometimes the fees are higher for non-members than parishoners. We still ended up getting charged the non-parishoner church despite H going being a member for years bc he had moved out of state.

And like oot said, at least you have time. I think even if you wait until summer to start looking with your FI, you will still be fine. Good luck. Happy planning.

k8ly

Like PP said, you have a good amount of time.  (Congrats on your engagement, btw!)

You could start with a web search of churches in the area and see if they have websites....could maybe help narrow down the choices a bit.  Would still go visit them, but at least you'd feel like you were doing something. 

You could also ask for suggestions on the local Wisconsin board. 

bibliophile2010

Also, if your fi finds a church in Milwaukee and becomes a member, that should satisfy any membership requirements that a church has. I have no idea how quickly churches or reception halls book in your area, but I would get an idea from the ladies on your local board to see what the norm in your area is. If places do not book up 18 months in advance (and this is true in most areas), it releases some of the pressure of booking everything right.this.very.minute. Good luck!

Finally, many congratulations on the engagement!

catarntina

I had a similar issue.  My childhood parish closed AND I moved.  I had to find two churches -- one to attend on a regular basis, and one to get married in.

My mom kind of solved the 2nd issue for me.  She started attending Mass at a church in my hometown, so I got married there.  I was a little heartbroken that I couldn't get married in the church I had received all my other sacraments, but c'est le vie.

H and I found a church in Colorado, we became members, and we were able to do our pre-cana in Colorado and have all the paperwork sent to the church in Ohio.

It was a little rough, because we had to go back several times to Ohio to meet with the priest, the organist, the other vendors.  But it was really nice being able to do pre-cana in the state in which we were living.

I would have your FI go to Mass at some churches around where you'd be living and find one he feels comfortable with.  Then he can discuss it with you.  Maybe you can check it out on Spring Break?  Or he can send your mom or his mom there as your advocate to see if you'd like the church.  Or even a friend of yours.  Something.

cmatthew

catarntina - initially i felt the same way with not being able to get married in the church i grew up in!!  definitely feel your pain. 

all your suggestions were great!  i'll definitely take them into consideration, thanks!!