bridesmaid dresses

Calypso1977

i was just asked to be in a wedding next year, and as with wedding gowns, it seems like most bridesmaid dresses these days are strapless.

do you think the bride would be annoyed if i asked to wear a bolero or shawl with my bridesmaid dress for the ceremony?  i believe her church will allow strapless, i just dont personally feel comfortable wearing strapless in church.  i'm not a fan of strapless in general, given my body, but i have no problem wearing one for the wedding if its what the bride wants, but i really dont want to be that exposed in the church.

i have no idea how this bride will be as far as whether she'll pick a dress, let us pick, let us have input, etc.   this is only the third weddng ive been in.  the first was my sister's so it wasnt an issue since we're on the same page with attire, and the other was my cousin who asked us, and surprisingly no one wanted strapless so i lucked out.

Riss91

I'd ask her if she had any thoughts about the style of the bridesmaids dresses first. Who knows? Like, you said she might let you pick your own style! you can let her know you'd prefer a non-strapless dress, and jsut get her feedback on that.

If she says that she definitely wants everyone in the same style, I'd ask her if she's thinking of strapless dresses. And if so, would she be okay with a cover-up for the ceremony for you (and any other BMs) that might feel more comfortable being less bare in church. Try not to make it seem like you'd think badly of her or anyone who wouldn't want to cover-up.

clearheavens

I think it's between you and the bride.  But if the bride was a good host and sensitive to your concerns, she would accommodate your dress needs.

FWIW, one of my BMs also wants to wear a bolero, not because of prudence but because she thinks she's fat.  Of course, I told her she looked beautiful, but her comfort is worth all of my flexibility.

rombacja

I definitely think its ok just to be up front with her. Plus if you find a jacket or shawl or something that coordinates, it might turn into an accessory that all of the BMs want. For both of my sisters weddings we had pashminas for the ceremony and most of us wore them for dinner too b/c it was chilly in the reception hall.

http://peachcouture.com/2plyArt_pashmina.html?gclid=CMfm9MuhhaUCFUS4Kgodw0iSPA

catarntina

I think it's ok to tell her that you prefer a non-strapless dress or at least a bolero that you can take off for the reception/pictures if she is completely set on strapless.  I completely understand your desire to be covered up in the church.  My priest told me strapless was Ok, but I bought a bolero anyways to cover up for the ceremony.

I see girls come to church in tank tops and it just always shocks me so I completely get why you want to be covered.

[Deleted User]

@ catarntina Thanks for the link. Now I can order my BM.

M

eshaufle

I wouldn't jump on her now about it since she probably hasn't thought about dresses yet, but you could casually try and see what direction she might be headed in for dresses.  It's early for me, but a lot of my bridesmaids had already asked me if I had thought about styles, colors, etc.  You could definitely bring that up to her and see what she says.  She might say she's letting everyone pick their own dress (which is pretty common now) and then you can get straps.  During this conversation is probably when you could bring up your preference for some sort of strap or cover-up for the ceremony at least.

mica178

I think it's fine to state a preference to the bride if she asks, and hopefully she will ask.

I had all of my BMs design their own dresses, and I just chose the fabric.  My only request was no strapless, specifically for the sake of modesty in the church.  Two of my BMs wanted strapless dresses, so they got removable straps.

These are my lovely ladies in their dresses.  Everyone designed a completely different dress, then I ordered them from styleshake.com and got everything within the month.  Most girls didn't require alterations as all the dresses were custom-made.

bel138

I would wait until she brings up dress shopping. I wouldn't just bring it up out of the blue right now. Hopefully, when you go shopping, she will ask what you're all comfortable with or even let you choose. If she doesn't, and she chooses a strapless style, then I would bring it up.

ootmother2

Most brides are reasonable about their BM's wishes.

Wait until you see what her initiall ideas are before jumping  in with opinions, it's her wedding but I'm sure she'll be accomodating within reason.

Maureen L

I'm sure it'll be fine.  I let my girls choose whatever style of dress they wanted, as long as they were all the same color/fabric.  They ended up all picking the same v-neck dress.  I gave them pashminas as part of their gift, and they all did end up wearing them for the ceremony.  (the church is a bit drafty, so they were happy to cover up for the ceremony!)

newlyseliski

I personally wanted all my bridesmaids in dresses with straps, so I picked about 8 designs for them to choose from (Alfred Sung knee-length styles... good colors and pretty affordable!)... primarily because I myself prefer dresses with straps because I don't have to worry them falling down!  Fewer alterations for them to have to pay for, too.

I'd agree to wait until she starts the dress selection process, but let her know you're interested in being involved in the process at least!  My bridesmaids were super unresponsive to anything I sent them until I finally managed to drag them all to dress appointments. 

Maybe you could occassionally drop subtle hints about your dress preferences... not even directly related to modesty!  Dresses with straps are just plain comfortable compared to strapless ones...