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best man/maid-of-honor have to be catholic??

catarntinacatarntina member
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in Catholic Weddings
I was chatting with the Deacon yesterday who is organizing the paperwork for the wedding.  He said, "The Church would like either the best man or maid-of-honor to be Catholic.  Which one is Catholic?"  My fiance and I were kind of confused.  Neither my maid-of-honor nor my best man are Catholic.  Does anyone know why it matters?  I'm not having a mass or anything, just a blessing.
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Re: best man/maid-of-honor have to be catholic??

  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
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    edited December 2011
    ideally your witnesses (which are your best man and MOH) should be Catholic.  back in the day, this was required; in this day and age it varies from priest to priest, diocese to diocese whether they want one or both to be Catholic.  as they are teh official witnesses to your marriage and the receipt of your sacrament, it is ideal if one is Catholic.

    do you have anyone in your wedding party that is Catholic?  if so, one of them can serve as official witness for purposes of signing the paperwork.
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  • catarntinacatarntina member
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    edited December 2011
    My brother will be an usher. But as an usher, I don't think he'll be standing up at the altar with the best man/Maid-of-honor.  I'm not sure if that matters either.
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
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    edited December 2011
    i dont think it does, but check with your priest.
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  • meltoinemeltoine member
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    edited December 2011
    Basically they do. Some priests will let you out of it, but most won't. I'm sure your brother can serve as the "official" witness for those purposes. 
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  • Theresa626Theresa626 member
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    edited December 2011
    That's crazy.  Neither of mine are either.  Do you have a family member who will be there who is Catholic?  Just let the priest know that that person will be your official witness. 
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  • ring_popring_pop member
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    edited December 2011
    Neither my MOH nor BM were Catholic; my priest was fine with this as they were only signing the civil documents. But if your church requires it, then use someone else who is Catholic as your "official" witness.
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  • JMU_Bride09JMU_Bride09
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    edited December 2011
    I think that this probably varies from parish to parish.  We asked our priest about this bc FH's BM is not Catholic and neither of my MOHs are Catholic.  Our priest said that it was not a problem.  I agree with Calypso, though, that maybe if another member of your WP is Catholic that would be ok with your Deacon.
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  • lauraNkieranlauraNkieran member
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    edited December 2011
    Honestly I don't see how its "crazy" as you ARE having a Catholic mass.  Things vary from parish to parish and even priest to priest.  I know our praish requires our at least one of our witnesses (standing WITH us - not just sitting in a pew behind us who will sign off as a witness), to be Catholic.
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  • Riss91Riss91 member
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    edited December 2011
    It's not "crazy". Theresa just has problems with the Church upholding standards. The priest is both a legal and Catholic officiant, so the Marriage Certificate certifies that you are legally married for US govt purposes AND that you are also married in the eyes of the Catholic church. For this reason, it makes sense that the church would request that a Catholic sign as a witness to the fact that the ceremony was completed in accordance with church rules. Otherwise, it would not be a valid ceremony in the eyes of the church and would then be considered invalid by the govt as well.

    I'm sure you will be fine as long as there is someone who is Catholic that can sign as a witness. Our priest did not question us about it at all, but I can understand some priests wanting to be sure.

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  • berrytrberrytr
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    edited December 2011
    This is very informative.  I didn't know this was a requirement.  Thanks for sharing.
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  • Theresa626Theresa626 member
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    edited December 2011
    Riss, I totally agree that a Catholic person should be a witness and sign the marriage license.  I think it's ridiculous to exclude your best friends or relatives from being in your wedding party or being your maid of honor simply because of their religion.  That is upsetting.  I should pick someone I'm not close with or never speak to just because they're Catholic and leave out my closest friends?  This is crazy.  I think it is perfectly fine to have someone who witnessed the wedding but didn't happen to be wearing a matching dress  or help me plan a bachelorette party sign the marriage license. 
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  • bel138bel138 member
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    edited December 2011
    Theresa, I think you overreacted there. Riss said nothing about the Catholic witness being in the wedding party.

    To me it makes sense for all of the reasons Riss stated. My MOH and DH's cousin (our altar server) signed because the BM wasn't Catholic.
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  • Theresa626Theresa626 member
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    edited December 2011
    Bel, She was responding to when i said that's crazy.  I said that's crazy to the original poster about them having to be the maid of honor or best man, not about having a catholic witness signing the marriage license. 
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  • chelley599chelley599
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    edited December 2011
    Our priest didn't even ask if they were catholic.  I think it may depend on the diocese and the church itself.  We have a pretty laid back priest who is very accomodating.  I think we lucked out.
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  • Trae021Trae021
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    edited December 2011
    It shouldn't be a problem, my fiance isn't Catholic and the Church doesn't have a problem with it so I wouldn't see why it would matter if your maid of honor or best man was.
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  • KrissLSKrissLS member
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    edited December 2011
    The way our priest explaned it was that HE was the witness for the Church and that our attendents are the witnesses for the state, meaning there is no religious requirement.
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