Ceremony help

Brittywest05

My fiancé was raised in a very strict catholic family, he hasn't practiced in nearly 8 years. We are getting married by a non denomiational minister, which infuriates his mother. I'd like to include a small piece of a catholic ceremony to show her some respect, but I know nothing about them! We are hoping to keep it sweet and simple, is there anything I could include to please my FMIL??

Calypso1977

the fact is, nothing will please her becuase unless you are married in a catholic church, the catholic church will not recognize your marriage as being valid.  that's a pretty big deal to catholics.

your best bet is to have your FI tell his parents what his beliefs are.  its actually a greater sin for him to marry in a catholic church if he has no intent of practicing the faith or raising his children in the faith.

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_ceremony-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:f93aad41-c935-4694-b808-e597e335d3b2Post:b7e42ac0-01ba-4333-996a-ced2e8f702f8">Re: Ceremony help</a>:
[QUOTE]the fact is, nothing will please her becuase unless you are married in a catholic church, the catholic church will not recognize your marriage as being valid.  that's a pretty big deal to catholics.<strong> your best bet is to have your FI tell his parents what his beliefs are.  its actually a greater sin for him to marry in a catholic church if he has no intent of practicing the faith or raising his children in the faith.</strong>
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this.</div><div>
</div><div>As far as incorporating Catholic elements, you could do a Bible reading or something, but there's not really a way to "Catholic up" a wedding without having, you know, a Catholic wedding.</div>

Brittywest05

I didn't think there would be much we could do . We already have a 2 year old who is baptized non denominational, so she knows that we have no plans of making our family catholic. I was just hoping to please her just a little!

professorscience

I think it's worse to incorporate traditions you don't plan on honoring than to just leave them out.  =(

Brittywest05

Yea, I guess that makes since. I didn't think about looking at it that way. I know the whole baptism thing was a whole battle for her, and it definitely knocked my FI out of the favorite child spot! I was hoping todo something to show that we honor/respect her religion, but I could see how that could make it worse!!

meltoine

I think the best way toilet her know that you honor her religion is to tell her, very nicely, that you think that her being catholic is great, but it's not something you believe in personally and you don't want to dishonor her religion by making false promises. Ideally, this speech should come from your FI and be non-confrontational.

professorscience

From a personal perspective, I am a Catholic convert --  something my parents struggled with quite a bit.  I had some pushback from my mother for a long time, but she has slowly come around.  She even borrowed a copy of Catholicism for Dummies that I got at RCIA so she could learn more.

I understand why your FMIL is hurt, but it is definitely out of love.

shawna127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_ceremony-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:f93aad41-c935-4694-b808-e597e335d3b2Post:302f2fc3-2141-4372-af36-5c23bea1e2ee">Re: Ceremony help</a>:
[QUOTE]Yea, I guess that makes since. I didn't think about looking at it that way. I know the whole baptism thing was a whole battle for her, and it definitely knocked my FI out of the favorite child spot! I was hoping todo something to show that we honor/respect her religion, but I could see how that could make it worse!!
Posted by Brittywest05[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry you have to go through this! I agree with PP's too, just do what you guys want to do.  Also, I'm sure it's hard to have your children leave the faith you raised them in, but it should make her feel better that you guys are still practicing Christians, and as long as your LO was baptized in the name of the father, son and holy spirit with water she shouldn't be upset because this is valid in the eyes of the catholic church.  Again, I'm sorry you're in this situation.  Praying for you guys!

lsbryant937

I can understand the struggle you are going through because I'm in a similiar situation. Unless she attends church with you occasionally, I don't think there is much you can do. If she attended church with you guys sometimes she would come to understand that while the catholic mass is like one big prayer/celebration the noncatholic masses are more teaching/celebration. I have a feeling until she understood and accepted the different objectives of the mass and the service, nothing you will do will make sense to her.  I'm sorry for the difficulties you are having.  I can only imagine you want her to feel better.