Ohio-Cincinnati

last name change...

I don't think we have talked about this before but I think about it all the time! Is it bad that I am sad and not excited at all to change my last name? I don't know why I can't get myself excited about it and I feel like I am losing a huge part of me since I am so close with my family and from a city where everyone knows my last name. Is it normal to be upset?!
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Re: last name change...

  • edited December 2011
    Why don't you hyphenate it?  Well.....on second thought.....that would be realllly long! LOL I'm not sad.  I'm excited. Chin up buttercup
  • margeshinnymargeshinny member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No, it is not weird at all!!!!  I got married June 13th and when I got back from my honeymoon and went to change my e-mail signature at work, I just about had a panic attack!!!  It is strange to not feel like yourself.  I have talked to a lot of people, and there are more girls/women out there than you'd think that have the same feeling.  It doesn't matter if you're switching to a "good" name or not -- it's still weird.  But to make my situation worse, I went from a short and simple last name - Shinn - to a super long one that no one can pronounce - Mikolajewski. 
  • edited December 2011
    I'm not changing my last name. I don't think it's fair for the woman to have to give up part of her identity. Why can't the guy take her last name?
  • edited December 2011
    If it makes you feel any better I feel the exact same way as you do. I think I'll probably put off changing it as long as I can. I'm not one to hyphenate either. I've had my name for 28 yrs and  like it... it's my family! It has nothing to do with me not liking his last name or not wanting to take it, it's letting go of mine. It is nice when people recognize your last name :). My girlfriend make her maiden name her middle name, then took her husbands last name... that might be a suggestion.
  • edited December 2011
    I actually had a mini panic attack the other day about this too! I thought that I was the only one to feel this way and I started to feel guilty. I like his last name, but I love mine. It's like what all the girls have said - it's yours and when you change it, you feel like you are losing a piece of yourself. Luckily with my maiden name I can use it as my first born son's name - Conner - so I can carry it on that way. Don't be upset that you are feeling this way...you're not alone! ;)
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  • edited December 2011
    While I am not attached to my last name for familial reasons, I am attached to it because it's who I've been for the last 29 years. I've accomplished a lot with this name, and I don't want to feel like I'm losing it just because I'm getting married. That said, I will keep my last name as an added "middle" name.  So, my formal new name will be Jennifer Marie MyLastName HisLastName.  That way I'm not losing my old name-- just gaining a new one :)  And the traditionalist in me will still answer to the simple "Mrs. HisLastName"
  • kelklumpkelklump member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hey look on the bright side. My new name will be Kelly Lee. Yes, my friends call me Kel and my new last name will be Lee. I try to be funny and say I am starting a new one name thing like Prince... kel lee. My fiance just bought me a new license plate that says kel lee. If you see me driving with KY plates honk!!! I really wanted to hyphenate, but that was overturned. I think I will get used to it. Good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    I'm OBVIOUSLY not committed to ANY last name since this is not my first marriage....and I've never kept my maiden name.... That being said - I don't understand the "I am woman, hear me roar" thought process behind not wanting to change last names.  Do you think you'd want to do what Jen is doing?
  • edited December 2011
    At least for me it's not about "I am woman, hear me roar", it's my family name and feel it's sort of sad to let it go, that & I really like my last name... I'm Italian and my new last name is far from Italian. :)
  • edited December 2011
    FURTHERMORE, lets talk about what's up with men and "needing" to have a boy to "carry on the family name" I could understand if he were famous or something....but come on..... LOL
  • hccpsuhccpsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I totally feel your pain.  I'm 45, never married, so you can imagine how much I'm attached to my name!  I tried to explain to DF once why it meant so much to me but he just doesn't get it.  When we were still in the lovey-dovey phase of the relationship I said since it meant so much to him, I'd change my name, but now I really regret that.When he proposed, the first thing he said wasn't, "will you marry me?", it was, "are you ready to change your name?"I'll be dropping my middle name and moving my maiden name to my middle, and will use both names.  That's about the only way I'll be able to tolerate losing my name and identity.When you've been single as long as I have, frankly, people feel sorry for you, or think there's something wrong with you.  I feel that by changing my name, that's saying I wasn't good enough before.  I think it's hard for people to relate to that, though, if they haven't been single into their 40s.
  • edited December 2011
    Ok so I thought about doing what Jen is doing...but apparently my FI's brother's wife did that and FI's parents were really upset about it. Who knows why, they just thought it wasn't right for some reason. I guess when it comes down to it I might consider that and just go with FI's last name when I'm signing things or when people ask me my last name. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who is upset about this matter.
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  • edited December 2011
    I am not the least bit upset about losing my maiden name and cannot WAIT to chuck it out the door!  Since my parents divorced 13 years ago, I have been waiting to get rid of it.  I am very excited to take FI's name and wouldn't have it any other way.  I wouldn't call myself traditional in the sense, but I can't see me wanting to keep my maiden name for any reason.
  • edited December 2011
    Why would they be upset about something like that??  It's not like she refused HIS name.  She just added it.  Truthfully, I'd be irritated if I were you, b/c it's none of their business what YOU choose to be called for the rest of your life. Grr... meddling family makes me grumbly...
  • edited December 2011
    I am also taking my last name as my middle name.  Actually, this afternoon - I am officially changing my name with the social security office!  Eeekkk!
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  • edited December 2011
    Yes, I feel the same way. I got married 2 months ago and still haven't gotten around to changing mine. If you have a last name that can be cute as a first name you can name your child that. Like my last name is Bennett and if I have a boy, I plan to name him that. My mothers maiden name is Rader so if I ever had another boy, that would be his name :)
  • edited December 2011
    As I look forward to getting married, I've been thinking a lot about identity.  There are a few issues I have been working through: 1. I love my last name.  It sounds cool and it's not super-common.  His last name is common.  Ever heard of Bob Evans? haha2. His family is NOT okay with a woman keeping her last name; FI has explained their reasoning to me, but I get confused every time.  I'm sure it's something Biblical.  3. His mother has the same first and middle name as me.  Hence, if I just give up my last name and take his, I'll have the same exact name as his mom.  (This is beyond creepy, right!? haha)So, I've decided that my current last name will be a second middle name to me and I'll tack his last name to mine.  My middle name is a family name that will [hopefully] be passed on to my own daughter.  :)
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