Ugh..

ag.4.24.10

So I posted on another bored trying to get advice on my situation that I am having and those people are soo rude...I can't stand it. You simply ask for advice and they go off the deep end.

*Mrs.CPH*

Yes Yes, most of the national boards are mean...Whats your situation! MAybe us nice ladies can help!

ag.4.24.10

I posted on the Catholic Board...YOu should read what they are saying....Maybe I shouldn't take it personally but still......here is what I needed advice on.We originally wanted the wedding to be on the beach so we booked them. Paid $1000 down to do this....Then later on I decided to convert to Catholicism, Which means if we get married outside of the church we have to have it recognized in the church later on or We have to have 2 weddings. We thought about having a private ceremony in a church the day before and then having the big wedding the next day. Does anyone know the process to get it recognized in the church or should we just do the 2 separate ceremonies?? Please help!! It's starting to be very frustrating to me. Any thoughts?

sara76

I want to help!! 

*Mrs.CPH*

Ohhh yeah...  a lot of the national girls frown upon having two "weddings" in your case I think it's OK.I'm not sure about the Catholic part of the question But as for my opinion I think you should have both ceremonys I wouldn't want to waste the 1000 you spent for the beach ceremony. not to mention having a private ceremony is much more romanticJust be sure to be honest with your guests letting them know you've been married in the catholic church and that the beach ceremony is a renewal of vows so that your friends and family can share in the joy of your marriage.

sara76

Oh god. (sorry to the Catholics for saying that, haha.  btw I am Catholic but FI is not so not doing the Catholic marraige.)  I remember you posting that earlier but I was in a rush and didn't reply but I even told FI about your situation later.  I'm sorry for not replying:(  I think it's a really interesting situation to have (I could certainly think of worse situations to have:)  I would like to, if possible, have the same day bc of the anniversary confusion.

ag.4.24.10

How would I let my guests know? I think on April 23rd we will do the private ceremony and then the 24th we will have the big ceremony and reception. We would actually loose more than just the $1000...I have everything booked already and if I cancelled all of that then we would be loosing alot more.

*Mrs.CPH*

MAke sure your invite do not say specifically you are invite to the marriage...Say something along the lines of, You are invited to celebrate the marriage... etc

ag.4.24.10

Thats ok for not replying...I do the same thing sometimes, get busy and forget. LOLIt's just hard because here I wanted to get married on the beach and had everything pretty much planned and then I decided to become Catholic.........which I am ok with. It's just frustrating that we have to have 2 ceremonies. Why can't be have just one. We planned on having a private ceremony in Anna Maria the morning of and then doing the other ceremony in the afternoon so we would have the same date. Then FI's family got involved and they are saying it would be better if we got married locally because FI grew up with this priest and blah blah blah...So I got to thinking maybe it would be better because FI knows the priest and grew up in this church.  Then I thought well maybe we could go ahead with the beach ceremony and reception....then have our marriage recognized in the Catholic church after the honeymoon(dont really know how this works since I am just now doing RCIA)...........This has been the most frustrating part of the whole planning process.

sara76

I'm sure you've heard this before, but don't worry too much about what other people's opinions.  Listen to them, respect them, but ultimately it is your wedding.  They can have theirs however they like.  Or they can pay.   Is she paying?

ag.4.24.10

Is who paying? Awww, thank you ladies. I knew you guys would cheer me up!

sara76

FI's family, who suggested doing it in his hometown.

ag.4.24.10

They said they would pay for the priest to marry us. It's probably going to be just a donation since it's a private ceremony, that's what the priest in Anna Maria said anyways.

sara76

I wish I could be more help on how to have it recognized in the church with out having it in the church.  All I can say is do what makes you happy.  Personally it would not make me happy to loose that money.  Would the local priest do a private ceremony between at midnight like a midnight mass, then you speed to Ana Maria the next morning?  Ok probably not.  Can't please everybody.  Follow your heart. 

[Deleted User]

I'm Catholic but not hardcore so I'm probably a bit off on this . i was in same situation as you are so I researched the "recognize" issue. what I got from it was they only "recognize" extreme situations as in military reasons, death in the family (couple had to elope cuz they coudln't afford wedding after death of a relative). Just research it on Catholic sites through the diocese in the marriage/family section but in the end go with what makes you and FI feel most comfortable if it's two ceremonies so be it!!Good luck HTH! 

diamondgrrl5

I wish I could be of more help but although I grew up in a primarily Catholic neighborhood we weren't raised that way.  However, I can say that in the end what really matters is that your and your FI are happy with the decision you make because it is something you will cherish for the rest of your your life.  I know plenty of Catholics that didn't get married in the church and they are happily married several years later.

meredithe03

WOW- I just went over to the catholic board to read what they were writing and I am surprised!! Sometimes it is ok to be honest- but they are almost being TOO honest. I guess that fact that you were on the "catholic board"- means you were going to get the catholic opinion, but man- they were blunt!! I think in your situation- you should do whatever your heart says! If you want to get married in the church- then get married in the church and have a beach reception. If you want to go along with your original plans, then have your beach ceremony and reception, and become catholic after the wedding! (obviously I am not catholic- but at my church, we will accept you whenever you want to come) On that board you said that they explained to you why you can't get married on the beach- do you mind explaining it to me (god forbid I ask on that board) Follow your heart, and decided what will make you and your FI happy now and in the future. But losing all your money and giving up your dream wedding is probably not a good idea.

diamondgrrl5

meredith, the reason why you can't get married at the beach or anywhere other than a Catholic church if you are Catholic is that the church believes that the priest is the only direct communication with God and a priest will not perform a ceremony in a location that is not considered holy and sacred (i.e. the beach).  In Catholicism, marriage is a sacred ritual and therefore must be performed in the church.  ag, by making the commitment to convert to Catholicism you will need to make a choice.  My friend and her now husband are both Catholic but did not want to get married in a church.  They got married in a restaurant overlooking the water and it was more of a Christian ceremony.  However, their marriage is not recognized by the Catholic church.  I know it is not an easy decision since you are new in your faith but if you are converting for the right reason you will both pray over it and know what you should do.  And no, I'm not Catholic.

dogluver315

Ag, my FI and I are both Catholic and having a full mass for our marriage. If you get married on the beach first, the Catholic church does not recognize this marriage. You would need to get a convalidation and this is very difficult to come by. If you do decide to do 2 ceremonies, I would have the Catholic one first. This way your marriage is recognized by the Catholic church. It also makes baptizing your children easier. I hope this helps and doesn't sound too harsh. GL!

ag.4.24.10

dogluvr--no you didn't sound too harsh like the other people on the other board. They are just being ridiculous.It's just so hard to make these types of decisions. For those who aren't Catholic, you have to take RCIA classes to become Catholic and they are only offered once a year, it starts in Sept and ends at Easter. That's the only thing, if I waited it would have to wait until next Sept. Also, my FI is Catholic, born and raised Catholic so either way since he is Catholic he would have to be married in a Church. It's just so frustrating,If we have the Private Ceremony at the Church the night before and then have another ceremony the next day with the reception. If you were invited, would you be mad?? Also, we are having out photographer at the Beach Ceremony, do you think we will look fake or would it still feel real to us? That’s really my only concern. Plus I don't plan on wearing my real wedding dress until the beach ceremony. I was going to buy a white bridesmaid dress for the Private Ceremony. And now FI's dad is saying I should wear my dress 2 times...I don't want to because I still want to feel special on the day of the beach ceremony.Too many decisions. Sorry it's so long

moonstone523

As a former Catholic... I'm wondering why you would want to convert.  As you can see.... it is one of the most closed-minded, not with the times, 'religion' out there.  Not to be mean, just asking. 

[Deleted User]

If I was invited I wouldn't be mad People coming to your wedding are there to support you and jsut want to be a aprt of your special day. Most brides would love to ahve a double duty it's going to make it more awesome that you'll get to have 2 days of celebrating!FI's Dad can say what he wants but the dress issue comes down to you and only you I personally think having 2 dresses would be great! and give somone a camera for the private ceremony don't hire another photog.Moonstone- this isn't to be mean but let's not bring religious views into this board that's why Ag. posted here in the first place to be comforted and supported bride via bride.

moonstone523

I wasn't being mean, but just trying to grasp why ag is converting.  As I see it, you have two options if you in fact what to be married in the Catholic church:1. Get married either the day before or morning of in the church and just have a reception on the beach.2.  Get married either the day before or morning of in the church and have another "ceremony" and reception as planned. I've been to a wedding where my friend was already married months before and then had a wedding.  I knew she was married, but most people didn't.  Her friend actually "married" them a second time around.I'm not sure your style, but you could reserve the beach "ceremony" for a celebration where it in informal maybe without an officiant where you just share with your FI your personal vows.

lauraliz1

I met with our priest last night about this same thing! We are having a beach wedding but he said we could have a private ceremony in the church AFTER we get back from our honeymoon. That way our beach wedding is "real" (so we dont have to offer any explanations to our guests) plus our marriage will be recognized in the church. Good luck!

jen812

IMO- I would have a private ceremony in the church first (your fellow church members might frown upon you waiting until after the honeymoon to have your catholic ceremony)... if you're worried about that. Then still have the beach ceremony as well. If I were a guest, I wouldn't mind if you already had a ceremony. You could also give them the option of attending the church ceremony if they wanted. Your older guests might appreciate that more. I'd also get 2 dresses, not b/c I think the beach ceremony will be any less special... just b/c. But most importantly, do whatever you & your FI feel is the right thing to do. Don't worry about pleasing others. Your marriage is about the 2 of you (& God).

dogluver315

First, I want to commend you for converting and going through the RCIA process. For me and my FI, we are always close, but we feel even closer when we're at church holding hands and God is there with us (not saying God isn't everywhere with us). As for the church ceremony, check with your church on what they recommend. A PP said they had a ceremony after their honeymoon. Not all churches will do that, so I'd check. If you do a church ceremony first, how many people will be in attendance? I think 2 dresses will be fine, but again, that's up to you alone. GL!

g8rbride2010

i know a friend that got married in the courthouse and then had the official wedding in the church later.  her husband was leaving for iraq though...and the church wedding was after he got home.  they were married for over a year at the "wedding" and some of her friends were upset that they didnt tell anyone...(i was shocked at this-i completely understood...)just out of curiosity-if you went through all the trouble of converting, why dont you want to have a church wedding instead of the beach wedding?

ag.4.24.10

We have already paid a lot of money for the beach wedding and we can not afford to lose it which is one of the reasons we want to have the private ceremony. The one priest told us that all we would have to pay is a donation since it won't be a full ceremony. We are meeting with our priest on the 7th so we will see what he says. There would only be about 20 people at the private ceremony, just immediate family and then our wedding party.  If I did the full wedding at the church I think this would cost more money because I would need more flowers and so on. And since it's out of town for all of our guests(we live in Lakeland the beach is Anna Maria 1 1/2 hours away) we wanted everything to be at one place so they won't be getting lost. And if we have the private ceremony then the one on the beach will be a friend or relative marrying us(we haven't decided yet) or our DJ said he could do it...but thought that might be weird since the guests will see him doing both(don’t really know)    

dogluver315

Are you at a church in Lakeland? If so, which one? We live in Lakeland but go to St. Stephen in Brandon. The pastor and assoc. priest are the best.

ag.4.24.10

St Josephs

g8rbride2010

ah.  this might not help, but i think the catholic church on anna maria allows non-parishioners.  i know the one on longboat key does for sure and is $500. im not doing any flowers for ours...its one of the areas i decided to cut costs and sometimes i think it makes it look more like a funeral than a wedding!anyway, definitely see what your priest suggests.  we had discussed doing something like this cause we had a hard time finding a church that allowed non-parishioners near any of the venues we liked and could afford.  for us, we both felt like the church part was the most important and wanted all of our friends and families there for it so i never researched it any further.  i dont think doing just a small ceremony the day before is an awful idea though! good luck!