July 2012 Weddings

Just need to vent

So, T's mother and father have been divorced for a while now and his mother is remarried.  His mother has made some poor decisions that hurt T very deeply.  Because of this he has had little contact with her for the past few years.  However, after discussing it, we decided that she is his mother and should be at the wedding. 

Fast forward to this morning.  T's dad called to tell us that T's younger brother had called his mother to tell her that we were planning on getting married this summer.  We were planning on calling her this weekend.

T and I feel very angry that he would have stepped over us like that.  I am sure that he did not mean to cause any drama but that is what has happened.  It was not for him to tell her.  This is not his wedding.  I think it was because he assumed we would have already called her about it.  He doesn't seem to realize what a huge decision it was for T to invite his mother to the wedding. 

I am at a loss as to what to do.  I feel angry and want to give his brother a piece of my mind but I know that would not help anything.  He really didn't know what he was doing. 

I do feel a little better now that I have put my thoughts down.  Hopefully we will figure out how to handle this. 

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Re: Just need to vent

  • I'm sorry this happened. Did his mom already know that you guys were engaged? Hopefully this was not a huge surprise for her. And I would assume that just because you guys are getting married, it doesn't necessarily mean your FI's mom will be invited.

    I would say go ahead and call her and explain that you guys were planning on announcing it to her on your own but the brother beat you guys to it. Explain that you guys would love for her to come to the wedding.

    Good luck! I hope his mom is excited about this!
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  • MadisonpennyMadisonpenny member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited February 2012
    I don't know when you guys got engaged but I see you joined TK at the beginning of December so I can only assume you got engaged before this.
    Something people love to talk about are weddings. Their weddings, upcoming weddings, celebrity weddings, weddings they've been too and  even weddings of a person that they dislike (I'm not saying this last example is for you at all).  You've been engaged for over 2 months now so you can't put any blame on FBIL on wanting to talk about it with his mother.  I'm sure he expected you to have told your FMIL that you guys will be  getting married in 5 months. 
    I agree with PP. Call her anyway and tell her.  If she seems angry explain to her that you were planning on telling her but FBIL beat you guys to it (although she will have a valid point that you had (at least) 2 months to tell her before this).
    GL.
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  • I don't know the background on how long you've been engaged and had a date and all that, so I don't know, but is it possible that he assumed that you had already told them so it just slipped out?

    Either way, I would just let it go. I'm sure you have more important things to worry yourself with right now.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_just-need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:a1a907fe-db50-4ea5-b9b0-bf77a91e891dPost:62023039-acb7-4a36-883d-e5b980e57748">Re: Just need to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know the background on how long you've been engaged and had a date and all that, so I don't know, but is it possible that he assumed that you had already told them so it just slipped out? Either way, I would just let it go. I'm sure you have more important things to worry yourself with right now.
    Posted by BmoreBride311[/QUOTE]

    Well said!!  You are totally over analyzing the situation.  It is not the brothers fault that he would have rightfully assumed that you guys told your FI's mom.  So no I don't think you should give him a piece of your mind.  Unless your engagement was a secret.
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  • We have actually been engaged for 2 years now and decided it was finally time to get married.  We have not really talked with his mother because of how much she had hurt him.  After venting, I was able to logically think things through and help him to calm down a bit.  We had already realized that he most likely thought that she already knew.  It was just such a shock to us that we needed to sort through what we were feeling. 
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