Florida-West Coast

UGH! Drama.

My mom is having a fit about my engagement party being at my Dad and Step Mother's house. She doesn't want to associate with them because she feels like they didn't contribute enough financially when I was younger. Shes pissed off because she is having money issues now and they are well off. I don't see why this has anything to do with celebrating my engagement and meeting my fiance's family, but apparently to her it has a lot to do with it. She always does stuff like this. She is taking something that is supposed to be a celebration for me and my FI and making it about her. I'm SO frustrated. I feel like canceling the whole thing. What is the point of having a pre-wedding party if my own mother isn't going to be there? FML. Cry

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Re: UGH! Drama.

  • cmeyer3946cmeyer3946 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Total drama. 

    No, you should not call it off, this will not be the first time there's drama.  There will be more, I promise.  Just keep a level head whenever possibly and try to empathize whenever possible.  People want to be understood. It sounds like your mom wants justification for her efforts while your were little.  Give her the satisfaction of tell her how much you appreciate what she sacrificed for you and you understand that your father didn't help enough.  But he's still your father and he's trying to do something nice for you now.  You should not be punished because of whatever happened financially between your mom and dad years ago.  Your mom will get over it, she is just upset right now. GL!
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  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't know. This is a touchy one. When your mom mentions your dad not being supportive enough when you were growing up- it means she was the one mainly taking care of you. Is it possible at all to have the party in a neutral setting?  How long have your parents been divorced? You are your mother's daughter and she may feel that a lavish pre-party is showing off what she cannot. I suspect that the rootm may be that your mom is not comfortable in your dad's home. My father has passed on; but it would have been the case for me as well and since my mum is the best- I would do anything for her. The other thing may be that you are introducing FI's fmaily for the first time. Perhaps your mom would like an opportunity to get to know them without your father's wife being there. Afterall, she is your mom, unless we are missing something. I also have to say that you have a bit of time for a pre-party. Yes it should be about you and your fiance; but you should also make sure that your immediate fmaily is comfortable.
  • edited December 2011
    They have been divorced since I was 2. The main reason I'm having it at my Dad's house is because it's free. They are paying for the food, which is something I would have never been able to afford. She literally just emailed me telling me that the only involvement my Dad should have is being invited to the wedding. It's so ridiculous. I shouldn't have to justify my choice of setting to her, regardless of where it is. If I wanted to have it inside a freaking active voncano in hell all she needs to do is RSVP that she wont be attending. I shouldn't have to catch a S storm for something as simple as a party venue. So what if she can't throw me a party? Why would she be upset that she is going to a celebration where she doesn't have to pick up ANY of the tab? My sister and my father (no relation) never got along.. she's still going.. and she's not upset about it at all

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-west-coast_ugh-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:62Discussion:21ed497c-aac4-4963-98ba-05e193b90b11Post:2280c905-6fe5-42a6-9086-4e9df009fc0b">Re: UGH! Drama.</a>:
    [QUOTE]If I wanted to have it inside a freaking active volcano in hell all she needs to do is RSVP that she wont be attending. I shouldn't have to catch a S storm for something as simple as a party venue. Posted by TheMrsCabral[/QUOTE]

    Ok I am taking a serious situation and chuckling at your quote - but it was a good and funny one!  Sorry, I have stopped laughing at that now.  :)

    This is a tough one and you are basically stuck in the middle.  If it were me, (coming from divorced parents myself) I would be all about the "stop the mama drama!" 
    This is about you and not her past issues of who did a better job raising you and how much they gave you.  This is about the now and it seems (I am making an assumption - I don't know your situation) that while your father may not have done allot when you are younger, he is obviously trying to do it now, while he can which doesn't sit well with your mom, but you already know that!.  I can understand your mother is probably feeling a little down becasue she is not the one throwing it for you.  It sounds like more of a bruised ego - since you are her daughter and raised you and not giving you this.

    I don't see anything wrong with you delicately saying she needs to stop bringing up the past and focus on what is happening and going to happen.  That you want her with you every step of the way and regardless of who is paying for what, she is your mother and that is what counts the most.

    Good Luck and keep us posted!
    updated: 8/23 the wedding plan 60 in the mailimage 42 Bags are packedimage 18 Missing the funimage
  • edited December 2011
    you_re right...just rmember you're likely dealing with hurt feelings when you discuss it with her so you approach the situation sccordingly. Otherwise it will just turn into an argument.
  • edited December 2011
    thanks everyone. i'm trying to be as delicate with the situation as i can, but she just makes me crazy sometimes!! she has now requested that i apologize. LOL the whole situation is unreal. its almost funny.

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