Getting some emotion off my chest

bella3609

This is basically just... not even a vent, just something to get off my chest. We have only been engaged for like 2 weeks, but I have been soooo emotional, and it's primarily because my mom doesn't get to be involved in all this.

She's been gone since 2006, and it was untimely, so I'd never imagined she WOULD'T be part of this day/planning process. It had never even occurred to me how much this would hurt until we started our planning. Going to look at a venue without her is weird. Dealing with my dad's "dadness" without her is weird. Getting a dress without her is weird. I saw pictures on a blog the other day where the bride's mother saw her for the first time in her dress with hair and makeup and everything, and the MOB was tearing up, and I totally broke down. Then, I got the ceremony script options this a.m. from our officiant, and there was a optional section about the parents pledging their blessing, and then another optional section about giving roses to the mothers, and again, just lost it.

There's nothing I can do about it, obviously, but get through it. But, it just sucks. Just wanted to share.

bananafanafofashley

I know it's nowhere near the same situation but I can relate. My mother and I have a HORRIBLE relationship. I cannot even stand to look at her because of some of the thigns she has put my sister and I through. The other day I tried to be the bigger person and call her and ask her to go see my dress with my grandmother aunt and I before I bought it and she told me she had to clean her house.

It sucks. It's not fair and it feels lonely but I'm willing to bet your mother is still with you on those days where you're looking at venues and trying on dresses. Whether you can physically see her makes no difference at all.

cnbyrd

I know it must be hard on you. I am in the same boat as Mrs. Cabral.. My mom basically wants nothing to do with my wedding. She acts very un-interested in everything. She will not talk about my wedding in front of her spouse. It just sucks bc when you think about your wedding day your mom is one of the most important and to not have her there whether its bc she doesnt want to or because she just cant be there its an awful feeling. my thoughts are with you.

sweetie1184

Bella- I completely understand your situation. My dad passed away in 2005 from colon cancer. It was 3 weeks from the time we found out until he passed. There was no time. So when I'm doing my planning and FI is picking out a mother/son song to dance to, I lose it because I don't get to dance with my dad. He doesn't get to walk me down the aisle. I'm the baby, daddy's little girl and I'm missing out. He was alive for all my siblings weddings. He never even got to meet my FI. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through, I truly understand how much it hurts. I wish I could say it gets easier, but I promise you'll make it through. And your mom will be there with you...

sweetie1184

By the way, thank you for sharing. It's comforting to know I'm not alone.

bella3609

Thanks, ladies. It's comforting to have the support

tampabayRN

Bella-thank you for this post.  I too lost my mother 3 years ago and never realized that planning a wedding without her would be so painful.  There is a lot of feelings and emotions that get brought out during the wedding planinng process and it would be nice to have my mom there by my side.  I sympathize and completely understand what  you are going through. 

skybluepink4us

I lost my mother also, three years ago. She never met my FI and that is a shame. I have been married once before, and she was part of that, a big part, so now planning this wedding and not having her there, when I bought my dress, selecting locations, and just talking about things is hard. Consider putting a memorial candle or vase of flowers there in her honor.

Best of luck to you.

JBC123

I know it's not the same - but when it comes to planning, do you have a favorite aunt, or are you close with FMIL in that one of these women can "stand in" for your mom so you don't have to feel so "alone" - like when you go to get your dress, etc.  It might help fill the void for you.

Sorry for your loss