Officiant troubles...

mandctaft

So I was in between a friend of my step-dad's "John" who I know and know he's a nice guy (ordained but not associated with a church since moving) and my dad's pastor. My step-mom kept pressuring me to use my dad's pastor and I finally said okay. I know it would mean a lot to my dad and I don't who is marrying us as long as we get married.

Well my step-mom started talking to pastor about it and come to find out he is going to be out of town that weekend. I said fine and contacted my John. He said great and I'll just get a hold of him later with details.

Now my step-mom is saying that there are a couple other people I could use. I informed her I'd already gotten ahold of John to do it. Now my step-mom is pissed that I would go behind her back about it. I had told her from the beginning it would either be pastor or John. Now she's acting as though she had no knowledge.

What should I do? I don't want to tick anyone off and I don't want to cancel with John since he's excited about doing it. Help...

ski2play

Sit down your step mom and have an open and honest adult conversation with her.  Explain to her that you would really like John to do it, as you had previously told her, and will be holding fast to that decision.  You are not going to make everyone happy as you go through planning your wedding.  Unless your dad and stepmom are paying for 100% of the wedding you should be making the decisions for it.  And even if they are paying 100% of the wedding, it seems like they would want you to be happy.

Your step mom may be surprised that you spoke up to her but in the end she should respect that you and your decision.  That is what adults do.

Rebis58

Dude, go with the officiant you want! I don't get why your step mom cares so much, especially since the person she initially wanted is unavailable.

If you want to keep the peace, sit down with her and apologize for the miscommunication and that she misunderstood your plans, but unfortunately what's done is done and you can't back out on John now. 

michelle11988

I agree with PP just sit her down and say that sorry there was miscommunication but I'm using John now.  Tell her you thought you had told her this in the beginning and you never meant to go behind her back.  You aren't going to please everyone with every decision about your wedding.

Madisonpenny

I would hardly call finding an officiant for YOUR wedding going behind your step-moms back. Now if the tables were reversed and she went and found one for you and signed a contract and the whole bit then she'd be going behind YOUR back...  this is your wedding, if your paying for it  or for that detail then do what you want otherwise she has no say.  She had her wedding, this is yours.