NWR- Just a vent

Madisonpenny

I just need to get this off my chest.

Ever since I told my bestfriend my diagnosis she's been seemingly calling less and less and I've seen her maybe a handful of times.  I'm really sad about it.  I wish I had her support but I understand that she may not know how to deal with all of this.
We've done everything together and have been friend since day 1 (literally, our mothers were in the same hospital room when they gave birth to us and we were placed side by side in the nursery).  We're like the sisters we never had.
We were always in the same class in school, ended up at the same university and now we both live 6 hours away from our hometown and live in the same city.  Heck back in 2nd grade when it was cool to prick your finger so you each bled and then smushed it together and you were then "blood sisters".. yeah, we did that.
I feel like now that the going is getting tough she's distancing herself from me.  I think this is just a protective measure for herself in case...
I don't know.
I seem to have alot of time on my hands these days to just sit around and think while I'm waiting for this test or that procedure.
I'm just really sad, a little let down and a tiny bit angry that she would act this way.  I've tried calling her to talk about it but her S/O usually picks up and says she isn't home or she can't come to the phone and that she'll call me back.  If she does call it seems like she plans it when she knows I'll be sleeping.
Like I said before, I just needed to write this down, get it off my chest.

My brother is coming down with his girlfriend today for the weekend so I'll just try to focus on that for the weekend.   We're going suit shopping (FINALLY!!) so I'll put my energy into that and having a good time with him for the time being instead of worrying about BFF.

ceglare4

I am so sorry you're feeling this way MP. You're right that she likely is distancing herself from you because she doesn't know how to handle what you're going through. I doubt she's doing it to be hurtful, and she might not even realize that she's doing it or the affect it's having on you. I personally haven't really had to deal with medical issues or some other really tough scary thing like that in life, and I don't know how I would handle it myself if my best friend was suddenly sick. Maybe you could have a heart to heart with her and ask her what's going on? Just let her know that you've been missing her company and you need her friendship not only because she's your BF but also because it's normal, and that might be what you need right now, some normalcy?

I'm not trying to project my feelings on to you or anything. That's just how I think I would see things.

k8888

Unless there's something else going on that you are unaware of, it sounds like you've got it right with her not knowing how to deal with your current situation.  A lot of people deal with fear and anxiety by ignoring it or pretending it doesn't exist, rather than having to face it.  She may just be scared.

Hopefully once she processes it and gets over herself, she'll come around.  Give her some time/space if it seems like she needs it... then try again to talk with her.  For the time being, lean on those who are able to be there for you!  (Like US!) 

Enjoy suit shopping!!  Let us know how that turns out.

mekiakoo

Ugh that sucks. Is there a way for you both to go out once you both are in town together and talk about how you feel?

If that's not possible, try to set up a phone date (or even Skype?) and get everything out of you. Since she is your best friend and I'm assuming you both have the kind of relationship that you can say whatever is needed.

Or even write her a long letter?

Maybe she is going through something too? Maybe she is trying to find a way to cope with this? Grieving, perhaps?

I truly hope this is just a bump in the road- my best friend and I have been inspearable since we were 1 year old and we've had several horrible times, but we've always managed to deal with it and get over it together. I hope it's just something that will improve with time.

bridetobe71412

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_nwr-just-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:a39fb6f3-6f5e-4a1d-a674-d8dcb6e988eePost:bdaac582-08cb-4daa-bcf9-2374fc83815f">NWR- Just a vent</a>:
[QUOTE]  I think this is just a protective measure for herself in case... I don't know. Posted by Madisonpenny[/QUOTE]

Yeah. I mean, it's hard to say for sure, but that's what it sounds like.

Not that this is in ANY way the same situation, but when my dad was really sick, my godparents acted the same way and it really hurt my family a lot. They were best friends with my parents and I grew up alongside their daughter. They were even in the delivery room when I was born (they snuck in wearing hospital gowns and said they were my mom's OB-GYNs). 

As godparents, they were supposed to "step in" if anything were to happen to my parents. Well, when my dad passed away, they basically stopped calling/seeing/checking-in. I didn't hear from them for basicaly . . . 9 years? They only recently (like within the last two years) started talking to our family again and when they initially tried to reach out to my mom, my mom was LIVID and called them out on their behavior. Turns out, they were avoiding us because it was scary to them.

I think some people just freak out when they hear scary stuff, like you said. I'm sure she doesn't want to distance herself, but it's too scary to deal with. And some people handle these type of situations really poorly. I would give her the benefit of the doubt that she WANTS to be there for you . . . but, like you said, it's a protective measure for her to distance herself.  

I think you should keep trying to contact her. Since you're in the same city, could you maybe (if you're feeling up to it) stop by one day? Like on a weekend when you think she'll be home? Because she's clearly avoiding your phone calls. Not sure how good you're feeling recently, but I think when she sees you in person it'll be better and then at least you could maybe talk with her more. I think you really need this person around you - she's your best friend, and that's what you need when the going gets tough.

Sorry for the novel. I really am sorry to hear you're dealing with this from her and I hope you're able to speak with her soon.

butterflyjumper1

ugh, Madisonpenny, I am so sorry you are going through this. It's funny how sometimes, when you could REALLY use a friend, your friends get freaked out by whatever it is you are going through and distance themselves. I think you (and all the others) nailed that right on the head.

I think the best thing to do would be to have a long talk with her about it.  I bet she feels awkward and bad about how she is acting, too, but just isn't sure how else to be.  I think what people don't realize is that when they have some issues going on, what makes the issues seem better is by those around you acting normal and like themselves. 

I hope things get better - it sounds like this girl has been a really great lifelong friend, and it doesn't make sense for her to distance herself from you when you need her the most.

Don't forget you always have us here to vent to!!! we you!

colleenm18

Madison this really suck!  As everyone said maybe try to make plans with her to get together and let her know that nothing needs to change in your relationship you just need her to be the same friend she always has been.

MeaganR12

I'm so sorry you're going through this . I think you're right about her just not knowing how to deal with what she's feeling. My FI acted the same way when his brother was diagnosed with cancer. He was honestly just so depressed about it and didn't want his brother to see him like that because he wanted him to stay positive. After a few months his brother called him out on it and it sort of broke the tension. I would give her some space and then try telling her how she's making you feel. 

Madisonpenny

Thanks girls.  I thought that this would be the reason she's been keeping her distance but I guess I needed some reassurance.  I'll give her a few more weeks and if nothings changes maybe I'll show up on her door step with thrash magazines, coffee and nail polis..  and show her I'm still the smart ass Andrea she's always known.

Nati05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_nwr-just-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:a39fb6f3-6f5e-4a1d-a674-d8dcb6e988eePost:cf24c68c-0dfe-484c-bb6a-bc664bb33e81">Re: NWR- Just a vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks girls.  I thought that this would be the reason she's been keeping her distance but I guess I needed some reassurance.  I'll give her a few more weeks and if nothings changes maybe I'll show up on her door step with thrash magazines, coffee and nail polis..  and show her I'm still the smart ass Andrea she's always known.
Posted by Madisonpenny[/QUOTE]

I think this is a great idea! You can even use it as an opportunity to have that heart to hear talk at some point during the hang out. GL with your BFF :) Have fun suit shopping!!

mekiakoo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_nwr-just-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:a39fb6f3-6f5e-4a1d-a674-d8dcb6e988eePost:cf24c68c-0dfe-484c-bb6a-bc664bb33e81">Re: NWR- Just a vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks girls.  I thought that this would be the reason she's been keeping her distance but I guess I needed some reassurance.  I'll give her a few more weeks and if nothings changes maybe<strong> I'll show up on her door step with thrash magazines, coffee and nail polis..  and show her I'm still the smart ass Andrea she's always known.
</strong>Posted by Madisonpenny[/QUOTE]

That sounds like a lot of fun!!! Plan on doing that.

littlemoments324

hugs!!!!!!