Guest list madness - no plus one's?

pitbullmommy315

Ok, so we really can't afford to have more than 125-130 MAX at our wedding. After going through our guest list we ended up with about 160 (impossible) and that includes plus one's. There are sooo many problems.

My family is HUGE. Just my family is about 60% of the budget. FI's family is pretty small (only about 30 people total). And the rest is friends. We definitely can't cut family. That just wouldn't be right. But FI is really unhappy about cutting a lot of friends, because his family is so small. And I agree!

So here's the question...do we have to include plus one's for our friends? What if we only include plus one's for those we know have a significant other? I wouldn't really want a bunch of people at my wedding that I don't really know anyway. And if we don't include plus one's for only some people...how does that work with the invitations? So confused. So stressed. Help!

kevinandmonica2011

Sometimes you have to draw the line... the toughest part is figuring out where to draw it... and once you firgure that out, you have to stick to it... no exceptions.

What we did was serious relationships (married, engaged, living together, children together)... basically no random screws or flavor-of-the-week.  If we didn't know or know OF the "significant other"... well... then I guess they really weren't that significant.  Sounds mean, but if we have been friends for "x" number of years and didn't know they had a bf/gf... then I guess they weren't that serious.

We addressed each invitation to the people invited, so there was no confusion.  If cousin Joe has been living with girlfriend Sara for 5 years, then the invite was addressed to Joe and Sara (not Joe and guest)... you get the idea.

I felt the same way, btw... I didn't want t bunch of random people that I didn't know at my wedding (and adding to my bar tab).

ChelseaB425

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_guest-list-madness-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:621Discussion:1b14dd9b-2fe9-45cc-a9e0-1a6c164678c2Post:2e190040-9e39-45dc-8629-914f330723fd">Re: Guest list madness - no plus one's?</a>:
[QUOTE]What we did was serious relationships (married, engaged, living together, children together)... basically no random screws or flavor-of-the-week.  If we didn't know or know OF the "significant other"... well... then I guess they really weren't that significant.
Posted by kevinandmonica2011[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this way of doing it.

DondadaTimes2

I 100% agree with Monica and I did the same thing. We had a few random exceptions which goes 100% against my next piece of advice...if you/FI are paying for the wedding...draw the line and DO NOT cross it for ANYONE. I had a harder time b/c my parents paid for it and grandma got all huffy b/c I said no kids and she "only has 1 grandson" (9 yrs old) and told my uncle to say he was coming anyways yada yada...it got ugly, mom took gmas side, mom paid, moms way.

But I compeletely agree that you shouldnt have to pick up the tab for some random screw that you dont know, may never see again, and who wont even bother signing a congrats card.

So yes, cut the random +1s but be ready to tell people 'no'! You WILL have people who ask to bring a guest and people who will ignore that only they were invited and will tell you theyre bringing a +1. I know Monica had that issue with a BM and I had that with my BIL. Both told us of someone diff they were bringing like each week. Put your foot down!

sbolger17

We did not give single friends the option to bring a date except for one single person in our bridal party.  We also did not give young cousins the option to bring a date (young meaning in their 20s or younger) unless they are engaged or living with someone.

Just be aware: A couple of people did start meaningful relationships between the time when we first made our guest list and when we sent the invites, so we did end up having to add a few people (and subtracting one that broke up).

Looking back, I wish that we had cut a few more of our friends off the guest list as I'm a little worried about numbers now.  There's usually SOMEONE you can cut without feeling like it's the end of the world.  If you can cut your list down to 145, you'd probably be golden.

DondadaTimes2

Keep in mind too that just because you invite 160, doesnt mean 160 can make it. Then, of those who say they are coming, some wont.

We invited 192, 160 said they were coming, 138 actually came. Not that you should base your numbers on mine, but keep in mind that the chances of everyone you invited coming is slim

ChelseaB425

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_guest-list-madness-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:621Discussion:1b14dd9b-2fe9-45cc-a9e0-1a6c164678c2Post:2e9566f0-073d-48f6-919c-3c4b6923b9f7">Re: Guest list madness - no plus one's?</a>:
[QUOTE]We invited 192, 160 said they were coming, 138 actually came.
Posted by DondadaTimes2[/QUOTE]

What the heck happened to those 22?

DondadaTimes2

Oh ya know, we know some pretty awesome people.

Our neighbor (and "good friend") drank too much and didnt wake up till 2:30ish (ceremony was at 1130). We had a few people with multiple weddings that day so they came to my ceremony but either werent able to stay for the reception or missed lunch and came back for the 2nd half. Some of Joshs coworkers and a few people on my dads side (WAY too much drama to describe) just didnt show.

ChelseaB425

How rude!

pitbullmommy315

Thanks guys. I think we'll only give plus one's to the guests who are married or in serious relationships. That should cut down the list quite a bit.

DondadaTimes2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_guest-list-madness-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:1b14dd9b-2fe9-45cc-a9e0-1a6c164678c2Post:65f0aa8a-102a-4705-bcf8-3efeeb044287">Re: Guest list madness - no plus one's?</a>:
[QUOTE]How rude!
Posted by ChelseaB425[/QUOTE]

I know! Im over it though. The day of, aside from my neighbor and good friend who had to leave right after the ceremony, I didnt even notice people werent there. We had a great time and they missed out. Their problem!