need advice

kpdorr

Hi Ladies-
I am extremely fortunate to have my dad paying for the majority of my wedding. He has offered to cover the food and the rentals (we are having it in a tent so everything is rented) and has not given me a limit. The problem, is that we just got the catering and rental quote and this whole thing it costing so much more than I imagined. My dad doesn't seem to have a problem with it, he assures me he wants me to have what I want but it just seems so excessive to spend so much on one day. I am feeling really uncomfortable with it, and torn. I have an image in my head of the day, and I do want it a certain way. I don't want a lot of extras and am honestly keeping it very simple, on the other hand I could be using some of the money to say, redo my kitchen, or pay off a student loan or something- basically use it for more practical things.

I know my dad wouldn't spend anything he wasn't comfortable spending, and I know I am so so so lucky that he is footing the bill. I am just so torn on wanting this special day and wanting to be practical. Nobody ever has (or probably ever will) spent so much on me. I don't know, I just feel uncomfortable I guess and I think I either need to find a way to get past it, or change all of my wedding plans....

I am so so grateful, I hope this doesn't come off like I'm not, I know it is a good problem to have, I just need some opinions? or maybe just to hear others' experiences?? You all seem like such great, level headed ladies, and I know you all have different experiences and situations that might be able to help me figure this one out.

Thanks in advance!

Kate

kevinandmonica2011

You are not coming off as ungrateful in the least... very much the oppostie, actually. 

I would suggest a very frank conversation with your father about your concerns.  Be as open and honest with him as you have been with us.  I would imagine that, if he had any concerns about the $$$, he would voice them at this time.  If he is a-ok with the total, then go with it and enjoy your day.  Make sure to find your own special way to show him just how much you appreciate what he is doing for you... maybe thank him in a toast and with a very sincere card.

If you are able to, possibly offer to pay for a few items (flowers or DJ or something)... to lighten the load on him... but if he is insistant on paying every dime... just go with it and make sure you tell him how much you appreciate everything he is doing for you.

Some parents (like Bridgett's for example)... want to give x amount toward their children's wedding//future.  If you spend more... you have to cough it up yourself.  If you spend less, then you have a nice little nest egg to start off with.  Other parents (sounds like yours) want to pay for the wedding, regardless of how much or how little it costs.  The nest egg and kitchen remodeling are then your responsibility.  If this is the case... that's wonderful too.  Just make sure you remember "he who pays, says"... so if your father wants to put his money toward your wedding... don't tell him that you would rather him to pay for a new kitchen instead... that would come off as unappreciative.  Also, if he has very firm opinions about DJ or limo or flowers or whatever... keep the "he who pays, says" thing in mind again.  It's tough... but that's pretty much the rule of thumb.

HTH... You're a lucky girl...  

JN382

I agree with PP! It's actually refreshing to see a bride that shows some concern for her parents situation-- whether it's good or bad.

If it helps any, I am in a similar situation. My parents paid for both my sister's weddings, and while they are the most generous people in the world, there was no way at 30 years old (close to) I was going to let them foot the entire bill for my wedding (suggesting they not contribute at all did not go over well-- lesson learned!)

So instead, we did an itemized list of who would pay for what... My FI and I are paying for the open bar, photographer (very important to me!), honeymoon (naturally), DJ, string quartet, BM hair/makeup, and put down all the deposits.

It has worked out very well, and everyone appears to be happy. My suggestion would be to maybe do an itemized list and see where you can cut costs--seeing on paper where you might save may help you feel better.

Good luck!

acmj11

You have a very similar situation to the one I was in.  We paid for as much as we could ourselves.  It was very important to me to pay for our photographer without any help because we bought our parents albums as gifts.  We paid for our cupcakes and I paid for my dress.  If it makes you feel better and you can afford it, chip in for some of the expenses.

kpdorr

Thank you for the encouragement and ideas! Dave and I will be paying for some things, like the photographer, my dress, the music and other things. My sister made the point of saying that it isn't like he is offering us a lump sum of money to do what we want with, but that he wants to give us the gift of the experience. I am feeling better today; grateful and excited! For my own sanity I am going to make sure I work hard to find the best prices for rentals and such, and try not to get carried away with any extras! Thank you all so much!