Dear New Coworker #1,
Today is the end of our fiscal year. We work in a financial department. That means today is a hugely important and busy day! Ive been at this job for 2 years and am the fastest processors in the office...you have been here a month and are slower than a snail (not that its entirely your fault b/c youre new and not wanting to make a mistake). However, I am ahead of schedule for what I need to get done for today so I can take a 5 min break to check on my Knottie girls and still be ahead of everyone else. You cant! Right now your assignment is to stuff checks so I can process, then you need to help with the processing. Its boring, but necessary. Theres a reason they gave you that job today instead of me. You have no reason to be touching a computer so PLEASE tell your kids you cant talk, get off facebook, check your bank acct when it actually matters what you have in it (like oh I dunno, before you go shopping), and car shop on your own flipping time!
Youre 30 days into a 90 day probation period. I dont want be that b!tch but if you dont get your a$$ moving and I get screwed into picking up your slack, Ill blow your a$$ in without hesitation. Id rather do more work b/c the position is empty than b/c your f'ing lazy.
I sit next to you and can still see yoooou!
People are inherently stupid. Weddings make it painfully obvious -- KevinandMonica