Cheer me up?

sbolger17

I feel like I've posted a lot about RSVPs, but that's what I'm in the middle of right now!  One of my good friends from college called me last night to tell me that she couldn't come to the wedding.  She lives in NM, so it's not a huge surprise, plus she'd been telling me all along that she wasn't sure if she could make it or not.  I appreciate her call, but I'm still mildly upset.  Of course I want her to be there! 

And I do realize that it's far and it's expensive, but I also feel like in the past 2-3 months, she's come back to the East Coast twice and traveled all around, including coming back to visit friends in nowhere Virginia (which is the equivalent of nowhere New York where ours is).  So if her excuse is that she can't afford the plane ticket, why could she do all that other stuff when my wedding was planned way longer ago?  I know it's wrong to expect people to spend their money a certain way, but I still feel a little hurt.

kevinandmonica2011

I know you are bummed and that's perfectly normal.... but you never know what is going on in her world.  Maybe a few months ago, she had lots of extra time and money... but maybe something has changed... perhaps some unexpected expenses... we all know how that goes.  You just never know.  Or maybe she just did a really crummy job at planning ahead.

I know you've got huse expenses with your wedding right around the corner, but if you reallllly want her there, is there any way you can offer to help?

DondadaTimes2

I totally understand the feeling. Josh has an uncle who practically raised him. They were each others bff until the uncle move to NC when Josh was 13ish. Ive never met him but we talk on fb and I was really excited for him to come up. Well apparently he got married a few yrs back and she rung his pockets dry. Theyre still together but financially unstable. I knew how much it meant to Josh to have him there so I called Uncle and told him I was buying his plane ticket. I couldnt afford one for his son (whom thru fb I want to punch so I could only imagine IRL) or his wife (who MIL calls a wicked biitch). Well, he said he'd think about it and get back to me. It ended up being a no. I fought and fought. Told him I was gunna buy it anyways and he better be there and he demanded that I dont b/c wife wouldnt be happy. UGH. So incredibly disappointing.

Sorry, Im a freakin story teller. But like Monica said, if you could swing some $$ to help her out, offer. If not, I know it sucks but you never know whats going on in her life. Josh and I have scrapped pennies but refuse to let others know. Maybe she's in the same boat.

DondadaTimes2

Oh...and dont feel bad about mult rsvp posts. We all get hung up on the big things happening to us. Look at me and my job. I could post something different each day!

mnp13

I understand the headache. We had someone ASK to be invited, sure she's in California, but she ASKED us to invite her. So we sent her an invitation (which costs us money) and not only did she not bother to send her response card, we had to contact her to find out if she was coming, and she said she couldn't make it. No card or anything for the wedding either. 

Seriously? Why would you ask to be invited to a wedding that you can't attend anyway, and if something comes up and you can't make it, at least have the courtesy to send the response card. 

People just don't THINK.

sbolger17

Oh, you girls always make me feel better!  Thanks.  :-)

I would feel weird offering to pay for her to fly here and we don't really have the cash to do that, so I'll just let it be.  She's a PhD student, so there's also the time factor as well as money.  She didn't mention that part, but I know it's there.

It'll be a little weird to look back and have her not be there, but it's ultimately her choice.  Did you ladies feel differently afterwards about people that didn't attend your wedding?  Maybe I'm just lucky in regards to locations and dates, but I have attended every wedding that I've been invited to where I felt really close to the people getting married.  (I have declined 3 weddings in the past, but in all 3 cases, they really weren't people I was close with at the time of the wedding.)

kevinandmonica2011

There were a few people that I was a little hurt when they RSVP'd "no".... same with DH... but we expected tons of "no"s when we decided to have the wedding here... and it kind of comes with the territory of having friends and family all over the place.

TBH, the only people that I was realllly upset about were the 2 who lived locally who RSVP'd yes and didn't show.  Have not talked to either one and have no intention of doing so.  They suck.

If I at least got the courtesy of a "no" and a congrats card (with or without $$... just the thought of a card)... I was totally ok with it. 

Your day will be beautiful and special with or without her, or any of your friends/family who can't make it.   Maybe just make a point to get together with her after and tell stories, show pictures once life has settled down for both of you!

DondadaTimes2

Yes and No. As far as Joshs uncle goes, it sucked, but the day of the wedding he was no where in my thoughts. That sounds bad, but its your day and you have so many other guests to celebrate with. Maybe you'll have a fleeting "wish she was here" moment, but by no means will it consume you. You'll be far too busy.

The yes comes in b/c I had family who didnt come for spiteful reasons. My dads side of the family is in shambles and while I invited everyone to the wedding, I only invited grandma to my shower (to avoid any drama) and my aunt told my cousin (who did come and walked grandma down the aisle) that there was no way she was going to be there if she wasnt good enough for the shower. I had another aunt/uncle/3 adult kids not come b/c of the same shambles and a ridiculous dispute my cousin and I had in which she couldnt take a week to cool down n then discuss it with me like I proposed. And another cousin who put herself in such a pit with drugs/alcohol @ age 17 and I called her out on it, she told me to F off...she didnt come but her parents did

The family hurt. The major shambles is between the adults and my grandmother and yet 2 outta 3 decided not to support ME and be there for ME. So in your situation, itll bother you until the day before and then you'll forget all about it until after the honeymoon.

CD2011

Yeah don't feel bad about the RSVP posts-I could write something about them every hour!! I went on to FI yesterday repeatedly saying "I hate your family .. all of them .. every single one of them" We only got 2 RSVP cards from his family-1 aunt, and 1 grandma. His mom called the rest of her side, and his dad was supposed to get the phone #s of his side so I could call .. next day he says "Don't worry about the #s, none of them are coming" NONE OF THEM?!!!?!

After going back and forth for a while, he only has his parents, 1 of his 2 brothers, 3 aunts (although I have a good feeling 1 or 2 may not show up) and 1 grandmother coming. (and some friends) I feel bad for him! But it's too far, it's too late, and it's on the wrong day of the week (45 min drive on a Friday at 8? Come on, this is a wedding! Suck it up for 1 day!)

I'm more pissed that I wasted my time and money on the invitations and stamps!!

DondadaTimes2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_cheer-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:8672d3d0-49bc-4647-ad56-221621af0116Post:dccd8f1e-3aa6-4412-8b1f-8a2980f93fe1">Re: Cheer me up?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah don't feel bad about the RSVP posts-I could write something about them every hour!! I went on to FI yesterday repeatedly saying "I hate your family .. all of them .. every single one of them" We only got 2 RSVP cards from his family-1 aunt, and 1 grandma. His mom called the rest of her side, and his dad was supposed to get the phone #s of his side so I could call .. next day he says <strong>"Don't worry about the #s, none of them are coming" NONE OF THEM?!!!?! </strong>After going back and forth for a while, he only has his parents, 1 of his 2 brothers, 3 aunts (although I have a good feeling 1 or 2 may not show up) and 1 grandmother coming. (and some friends) I feel bad for him! But it's too far, it's too late, and it's on the wrong day of the week (45 min drive on a Friday at 8? Come on, this is a wedding! Suck it up for 1 day!) I'm more pissed that I wasted my time and money on the invitations and stamps!!
Posted by CD2011[/QUOTE]


I know that feeling all too well. My mom asked my dad if it was necessary to invite his family b/c we knew no one would come. I got grandma and 1 aunt from his side. pathetic. I definitely know how youre feeling

sbolger17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_cheer-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:621Discussion:8672d3d0-49bc-4647-ad56-221621af0116Post:dccd8f1e-3aa6-4412-8b1f-8a2980f93fe1">Re: Cheer me up?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah don't feel bad about the RSVP posts-I could write something about them every hour!! I went on to FI yesterday repeatedly saying "I hate your family .. all of them .. every single one of them" We only got 2 RSVP cards from his family-1 aunt, and 1 grandma. His mom called the rest of her side, and his dad was supposed to get the phone #s of his side so I could call .. next day he says "Don't worry about the #s, none of them are coming" NONE OF THEM?!!!?! After going back and forth for a while, he only has his parents, 1 of his 2 brothers, 3 aunts (although I have a good feeling 1 or 2 may not show up) and 1 grandmother coming. (and some friends) I feel bad for him! But it's too far, it's too late, and it's on the wrong day of the week (45 min drive on a Friday at 8? Come on, this is a wedding! Suck it up for 1 day!) I'm more pissed that I wasted my time and money on the invitations and stamps!!
Posted by CD2011[/QUOTE]

Oh my gosh, that's really sucky of them.  A 45 minute drive is nothing!  I've never been to a wedding any closer than that.