How do I respond??

DondadaTimes2

Ok so I received a reply card back from my aunt and uncle today, who listed their 10 (maybe 9) yr old son coming as well...I specifically wrote "Adult Reception" on the invite. I know its all bad etiquette but even when I do put it no one listens! So I called my mother and asked that she call her brother and explain to him that I'm sorry but his son is not invited.

Here's where Im at a crossroads. My aunt and uncle are doing very poor financially-wise and her family lives almost 2 hours away. So hiring a babysitter is not really an option for them (theyre seriously doing that poorly) and they cant just run him out to be with family. My wedding is at 11:30am and 45 min from where they live so even having family come in for the day could be tough. Thats what my mother is saying. (Shes insisting that they added him as a need and not to be disrespectful, uh huh) Shes said that she understands what Im saying, but that she doesnt know how to address this issue b/c shes afraid that as a whole they'll not come. Shes also telling me I need to suck it up b/c the kids that are invited (FG, JBM, RB) are all from Josh's side of the family and its not fair. Well, it is fair b/c Im a million times closer to Josh's entire family than I am my own. I chose his family b/c the FG is my Goddaughter and JBM is my mini-me. When I see kids on my moms side of the family they run and hide and wont talk to me. Yeah, I want that in my wedding.

SO....my question is...what the hell do I do? Do I suck it up (and piss Josh off) b/c they really have no other option (although its a daytime wedding and I have a hard time believing they have NO friends for him to chill with for 6-7 hrs) or do I put my foot down and tell them no. I have 5 other cousins and Josh has 5 other nephews all who cant come and I really dont need the sh!t from the others who couldnt bring the kids... I also have a feeling that it'll be mentioned to my moms other brother who will in turn add his 7 yr old daughter and thats a 'hell no'. O the flip side, mom is paying and I would hate for them not to be able to come b/c of my no kid rule.

HELP!

CanaryLiz

I have a feeling I'm going to have similar problems, as I too am having an "adults only" reception.  My FI's niece and nephew will be our JBM and RB, but we both have many younger cousins and extended family who won't be invited.

I've already decided that this is something I need to put my foot down on.  If I make an exception for one person, then it's unfair to those who are respecting my "no kids" request.  There will always be extenuating circumstances, but if I were on the flip side (as an invited parent with children who I'd made other arrangements for), I would personally be offended.  Try to remind yourself of those parents, who might be offended if they see kids (not in the bridal party) at your reception.

How close are you with them?  Would you be seriously disappointed if they really didn't come? (Which seems unlikely)  Do you think maybe your parents would cover the sitter?

Hope it works out for you... remember it's YOUR day.  Don't feel guilty for asking for things the way you want them.  Good luck!

sbolger17

I agree with Liz.  I think since what you really want is a no-kids reception (except for bridal party), then you should stick to your guns.  If your aunt and uncle can't come, that is a shame, but what can you do?  I think you're right; if you start making exceptions, others who follow the "rules" will be upset.  If your mom is that concerned, she can hire a local babysitter herself but it does seem like aunt/uncle should be able to find a friend to babysit on their own.

DondadaTimes2

So I told my mom that we needed to talk, not argue. I told her I understand what shes saying and how she feels, but that I dont believe they CANT find someone. I told her I really do believe something else is going on. Told her its unfair that she claims hes the only kid who can't come when Josh has 5 other nephews and I have 4 cousins on my dads side (whom shes not a fan of) all who cant come. I asked her what she would say if one of those other cousins (cousins kids) had no other choice but to come. No answer. she didnt need to say anything as she told me not to invite my cousins mother (my cousin) in the first place. So much for "its family" huh?

Then the truth comes out. She had dinner with my grandparents this weekend and my grandma was all puppy-eyed and "Why cant he come? Id really like him there. He's the only boy in the family" AND?! Thats great. So my mom is thinkin gma told them to put him down b/c I wouldnt say no. Well she was wrong.

Now I feel like Im being walked on. I was sympathetic and was on the edge of allowing him to come, but now Im not. This is my wedding, not some family game night. I dont want kids and you're not paying. Dont walk on me and think Ill turn a blind eye. UGH!