Correct invite wording

IG.muse

Invite follow up questions... How do I word the invite to the wedding for my parents hosting with these issues in mind: 1. I hate the wording Mr. and Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName. I'd prefer Mrs. First Last and Mr. First Last. What is the correct way to do this? 2. I don't have a middle name and I guess I'm not supposed to put my last name on the invite since I'm putting my parents' last name above, but I am supposed to put his last name. Is that going to look weird? Do I do MyFirstName and HisFirst Middle Last or MyFirstName and HisFirst Last? The difference in name length either way really bothers me. 3. His parents have different last names. What is the correct order of naming them? (son of...) Hope someone can help. Are there any books or websites on this? TIA!

hccpsu

If I received an invitation that was from Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith, I'd assume they were divorced.  You could maybe use "John and Jane Smith invite you...." but you'd probably be better off using the traditional Mr. and Mrs.I think it would look fine to use your fiance's full name.  More people don't have a middle name than you'd think!  Since the text is generally centered, it doesn't look bad to have a shorter name.  Besides, the line between your name and his is going to be "to," so that's evern shorter :)I've usually seen the father's name listed first when the names are different, but some guidelines list the mother.  I'm thinking if his last name is the same as his father's, you might want the father's name first.You can google "wedding invitation wording" and come up with several sites that list examples.

hrparker

The way you have (Mr. and Mrs. John Smith) it is the "traditionally correct" way.  That being said, IMHO, following a sexist tradition solely for tradition's sake is...SEXIST.  Kudos to you for wanting to willing to consider bucking it.  :)We didn't put parents' names on the invitation (we used "Together with their families"), but if you really, really want to put parents' names on there, you could use:Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane DoeorMr. John and Mrs. Jane Doefor your parents.  And then:Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe for his parents.gl

hrparker

Also...FWIW, we used the first (Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe) for our invitations.And as for you and your fiance's name, if your putting his parents' names on there, you don't need to put his last name either.Although, again, this whole debacle could be fixed quite easily by doing it this way:Together with their familiesBride Middle LastandGroom Middle Lastinvite you to blah blah blah

tb583

Sorry to piggyback but I have a question kind of along these lines.  My dad and his wife (not my mother) are hosting along with my mother, but his new wife did not take his last name.  I think that even though they are married, she would be considered a Ms. instead of a Mrs. since she didn't take his last name.  Is this correct?

IG.muse

I want to put my parents' names as the hosts because they've been so involved in the wedding planning with me and there for me every time I've had a meltdown. They're also picking up a significant part of the costs. And they see it as their responsibility to host so it would hurt them if I didn't put them down as the hosts. If FI's parents participated, I'd have put them down as hosts also. It might be more correct and easier to do what you did, hr, but I just want to let my parents know how much I appreciate everything they've done for me all my life and now. Thanks for your detailed responses, hr. And hccpsu, good point about accidentally making them seem divorced, I don't want to do that.

hrparker

Just another FYI, "and" on the same line as the names signifies marriage.  So even if you used "Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith," no one would think they were divorced because of the "and."If they were divorced, you would use:Mr. John SmithandMs. Jane Smith

IG.muse

Follow up question, if I'm listing the husband and wife separately and they have the same last name, does the man's name go first? or is it the woman's? or is it the younger (or older) person's? And if I'm listing his parents who have different last names as Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe, does the woman go first in that case? or is it the younger (or older) person? or am I delusional? The reason I think the woman's name may go first is because of stuff I've read about addressing envelopes. For example this website: http://www.apracticalwedding.com/2009/02/addressing-wedding-invitations-and.html. It says "Woman's name is always first, when listed separately." http://www.theknot.com/co_profileview.htm?profilename=chad_n_jared#hosts also says "Married with diff last names: ladies first." But again, it's referring to addressing envelopes. Are the rules for order of names (male vs female) different for writing out names on the invite itself and on the envelope? And question #2. Is FI's mom a Ms. since she has a different last name than his dad? Sorry about all the questions! Maybe I should ask on the P&E board but I'm a little scared of those girls...

hrparker

Hey IG,I'm headed out to dinner, but I'll help out when I get back. 

hccpsu

You do want to use "Ms" since the last names are different.  "Mrs." would signify her last name is her married name.Have you asked your parents how they would like their names to be?  Your mom might prefer to be "Mr. and Mrs.", and since you want to include them as a thank you for all their support, even though you don't like "Mr. and Mrs." (I'm not a huge fan of it for myself, but use it for others if they do), you might want to let them have a say.

hrparker

Interestingly enough, I've never seen a wedding invitation with names mentioned for parents with different names...  Strange, given that so many women are choosing to keep their own last names, and have been doing so for awhile.That being said, I think the following is your best option:Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doerequest to honour blah blah blah...son of Ms. Sally Smith and Mr. James JonesFWIW, if H's parents were hosting, too, you would put:Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe withMs. Sally Smith and Mr. James Jonesrequest the honour blah blah blah

IG.muse

Thanks! Now I have a new problem. FI kinda freaked out when I said I was going to write Ms. for his mom. He thinks she's definitely a Mrs. I may have to do this incorrectly to avoid a conflict with her. : ( I'm not cool with that, I do not want a mistake in writing.

hrparker

Glad I could help out.Also, fwiw, the entire point of etiquette is to make people comfortable, so if his mom will be uncomfortable being referred to as a "Ms." instead of a Mrs., then use Mrs.

IG.muse

Then will people think she's married to Mr. HerLastName rather than FI's dad?

hrparker

No, because of the "and" between them.  "And" between two names signifies marriage.::points to post above::;)

IG.muse

Ok, just checking, don't wanna confuse my guests. Although I doubt anyone would give it a second thought. It's just to appease my own analness. I guess I should just admit that. : P

hccpsu

Yes, it would appear that she is married to Mr. HerLastName if you use Mrs. (or that she was married to Mr. HerLastName at some point and didn't change her name).  That's kind of interesting to me that she kept her name yet doesn't want to be called Ms.  But if she prefers it, then I guess I'd go with what she wants.

hccpsu

Oops, just re-read your post and realized it's your fiance that wants the Mrs.  I'd say check with his mom and see how she wants it to be--possibly she refers to herself as Ms. and your fiance's not aware of it.For ease the whole way around, you could just skip titles and go with only the names--that would solve most of your problems, I think.