POLL: Do you feel pressured to increase your guest list?

lala90

I have seen a few knotties make comments about people that are inviting themselve to the wedding.  Has this happened to you?  Did you invited them and increase your guest list?

Phoenix10

YES!!! Omg, when my dad called his family to announce our engagement, a bunch of my cousins (who I hadn't seen since I was 10 years old) said they couldn't wait to come to the wedding! If I invite all of these cousins (and their spouses), it'll add another 22 people to my guest list!

The worst part was that when we were all at my grandmother's funeral a few weeks ago, one of these cousins actually asked if it was going to be an adult only reception because she wants to bring her toddler! (FYI there is no kid's pricing at my venue, everyone is counted the same, including feeding the vendors).

Ugh! And my dad won't do anything about it, he wants to invite them all because he doesn't want our relatives to think he's "cheap", even though he's not really paying for the wedding (my mom is)!!!

Sorry, that's the end of my rant, I promise. Anyone else dealing with this kind of situation?

HOLSTANG

Heck no.  I had a set limit, since I was getting married on board a cruise ship, and I was alotted 50 non sailing guests. 

A couple people were trying to invite other family members, and I just let them know it wasn't that type of wedding.  My DH used the best line when his friend was trying to invite his brother along too.  He said, "Sure he can come, if you want him to take the place of your wife."  He declined.

HOLSTANG

At least you can use the tanking economy as an excuse.  Since everyone is hurting right now.

lala90

Thanks for the input everyone!  I have definitely been feeling the heat....I guess a boat would solve a lot of those issues

Korine_craze

OMG Yes!

I have so many people dropping hint that

"Oh this person might get hurt if they don't get an invite."

"Hey is this person coming?"

I really think when it comes to my family/friend I just have to say "Well, I don't know how we would pay for that many people" Once money comes up it's a closed topic.

Thankfuly my grandmother has offered to put up any money of guests she would like to have that we would not have invited on our own.

diana.rosete

Yes, and right now it is a nightmare.  Our fist date was August of 2008 but we had to postpone the date.  We are gitting married on June 26, 2010.  Both sides of the family have had some financial problems so my fiance and I decided to pay for the entire wedding. We both come from a very Mexican tradional family.

At first our parents were thinking of a mininum of 500 guest but we always wanted a small wedding with just close relatives and friends.  We want to keep it at 150 guest 200 at the most.

As soon as we told our parents they disapprove and specially after  we told them that only our immitiate family members would be allowed with their children.  That is hell broke loose.

The reason was because they are use to just handing out the invitation and there is no limit.  The guest is allowed to bring as many people to the wedding.  You might be inviting a couple with one child but their sister, brother in law and close friend will come along with their children. 

His mom is so upset that she doesn't want to do or know anything with the wedding.  The reason is because she doesn't want to go through the "shame" of having to limit the guest to just them. 

Korine_craze

Wow Diana,

That is a really bad stresser! I would maybe talk to your mom about the Venue you want and show her how much it is going to cost per person and then a total. Maybe even letting her in on some of the wedding budjeting will show her what exactly your limits are and she may understand more. 

I know a friend of mine had her FI parents add like 30-40 people to their guet list 1 month before the wedding. She was so angry. She gathered the total and handed them the bill and said if you want them there you will have to pay for it. She explained how much they made per month and how much each moth was put aside for the wedding and the parent's picked up the tab after they had come to an understanding.

natyasa

Diana, I feel your pain hun!

Choosing a small venue is KEY for limiting the guest list (or destination wedding?)

One of the reasons we're giving our parents to have a small wedding is because we'd rather save up for a house. In this economy, that would be something any parent would be able to understand.

500 guests @ average $50 per person = $25K(just for food) = downpayment on a house!!! I know you don't want to live in an apartment for the next 5 years paying off your wedding. Parents will live to learn with the "shame" once they find out exactly how much everything will cost. And really...it's your wedding. Do what they did "back in the day" - everyone is invited to the church/chapel/temple and only a limited number of guests are invited to a private reception. That would be the best of both worlds. Good luck!