Addressing Invites - no inner envelope

Audge.Podge

Can someone clue me in how to address the outer envelope in a couple of situations when there is no inner envelope?

If sending to John and Jane Doe, plus their 3 kids Sue, Sally and Steve, do I put
"Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe and Family"
or
"Mr and Mrs. John and Jane Doe
Sue, Sally and Steve Doe"
or
"Mr and Mrs. John and Jane Doe
Sue, Sally and Steve"
or something else?

and if they only have one child, do I still put "and Family" or just list the child's name on its own?

Apparently it is not good etiquette to not have an inner envelope, b/c my Emily Post Etiquette book doesn't even touch on that possibility.

clearheavens

Page hrparker.  Or just wait for her.

LES8419

I think I know what HR will say, because I have seen her response regarding this question before.  I believe you address to:

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
Sally, Ann, and Matthew
1234 March Lane
Cincinnati, Ohio 12345

So basically, parents names on first line, invited children's names on second line.  We also are not doing an inner envelope.  Our invitations are pretty formal otherwise, and we want to maintain an air of formality, so addressing them in the traditional etiquette is pretty important to us. HR - step in if I am wrong because I will be doing this shortly!

LES8419

Btw, HR, thank you for being a ready and willing etiquette expert! I appreciate coming to these boards and getting these answers pretty readily!

hrparker

:P to all of you!  It's not my fault that I have waaaaaaay too much time on my hands!

To the OP:

(1) Not having an inner envelope is COMPLETELY fine, so long as you correctly address  the outer.  And besides, it saves trees.  

(2) NEVER put "and family" unless you're willing to let your guests bring Crazy Great Uncle Bob who just happened to be in town for the weekend.  Invites should always be addressed to the guests who are invited and ONLY those guests (it'll save you LOTS of headache later).

(3) There are two ways to address the outer envelope in this situation.  One that is "traditional" (and that I can't stand) and the other that I recommend (and that is still proper etiquette).  LES already showed you the traditional way, but seeing as how you appear to be a woman after my own heart (based on your OP), here's the other way:

Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe
Sally, Joseph, & Susan (children should be listed by age - oldest to youngest)
123 Main Street
Anytown, USA 12345

If you want to get REALLY technical (and give the kids something to giggle over) use the children's titles as well, so it would be:

Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe
Misses Sally and Susan and Master Joseph
123 Main Street
Anytown, USA 12345

I didn't do that latter for our wedding invites because we didn't invite children, but I recently did it on our holiday cards and we got calls from parents telling us how much hey and their kids enjoyed that special touch.

hth 

katers690

Thanks for posting all this - I have a similar question about including the dates of our friends. we only have enough room (in our room and our budget) to invite those who are already in relationships (thus no one will be invited with an "And Guest"). But how do I include the name of the boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance of our friends on the outer envelope (many of them live together as well). Or should I be sending individual invitations to the significant others? TIA

Audge.Podge

Thanks, Hr.  I knew I could count on you.   And I'm totally with you on listing both individuals.  I do not plan on ever being Mrs. John Doe - I may be getting married, and I may be taking FI's last name, but I am still my own person!  So all of my addresses will list each individual's names.  Thanks for your help, once again!

hrparker

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_addressing-invites-inner-envelope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:21925e48-faa6-408a-a444-7873c4f2110bPost:266946f5-2939-4278-9377-b2d8c4acb8f4">Re: Addressing Invites - no inner envelope</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for posting all this - I have a similar question about including the dates of our friends. we only have enough room (in our room and our budget) to invite those who are already in relationships (thus no one will be invited with an "And Guest"). But how do I include the name of the boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance of our friends on the outer envelope (many of them live together as well). Or should I be sending individual invitations to the significant others? TIA
Posted by katers690[/QUOTE]

Nope, no individual invitations - the people are a couple (a unit), so they should recieve one invitation, addressed as follows.

If the couple are married, then standard addressing rules apply:

Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe
123 Main Street
ANytown, OH 12345

If the couple are not married, you have two choice: (1) Use the woman's name first:

Ms. Jane Doe
Mr. John Doe
456 Main Street
Anytown, OH  12345

or (2) use the person you are closet to first.  I'll give you two examples.

Here, you're closet to John:

Mr. John Doe
Ms. Jane Smith
123 Main Street
Anytown, OH 12345

Here, you're closet to Jane:

Ms. Jane Smith
Mr. John Doe
456 Main Street
Anytown, USA 12345

hth

parker624

In your scenario inviting guests, why wouldn't you put them both on the same line?

Would you also use this format for a married couple where the wife did not take the husband's name?

hrparker

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_addressing-invites-inner-envelope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:21925e48-faa6-408a-a444-7873c4f2110bPost:68b1bd2c-f849-4f37-8575-d65c11d59410">Re: Addressing Invites - no inner envelope</a>:
[QUOTE]In your scenario inviting guests, why wouldn't you put them both on the same line? Would you also use this format for a married couple where the wife did not take the husband's name?
Posted by parker624[/QUOTE]

Because unmarried couples never go on the same line; further, you NEVER use "and" if a couple isn't married.*

If a husband and wife have different last names, the format is as follows:

Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe
123 Main Street
Anytown, OH  45220

* The exception to this is same sex couples who had a commitment ceremony or have been granted a domestic partnership in states which permit them - these couples should be treated as "married."

breffitt

We will not have inner envelopes and so on our RSVP cards there is a section where I write how many are invited and they put how many will be coming or how many will not be coming.  I can send you what my RSVP cards look like if you want.  Just email me at breffitt@fuse.net.

clearheavens

How many invitations do you send to an engaged couple who aren't living together?  1 or 2?

hrparker

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_addressing-invites-inner-envelope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:21925e48-faa6-408a-a444-7873c4f2110bPost:504b6ee5-0f54-46e0-b6ee-663f8b5bf605">Re: Addressing Invites - no inner envelope</a>:
[QUOTE]How many invitations do you send to an engaged couple who aren't living together?  1 or 2?
Posted by clearheavens[/QUOTE]

Just send one invitation, addressed to both parties, to the person whom you know the best.