Showing people pics of the dress before the wedding?

julialynnjones

I'm just starting to look for a wedding dress with my mother.  I'm shopping with my mom alone because it's a very nice mother-daughter bonding time for us.

However, my future mother-in-law has been mentioning for MONTHS about how excited she is to see pictures of the dress and has insisted that I email her a pic as soon as I find the right wedding dress.  I'm flattered that she's so excited about our wedding, but I really had no intentions of sharing pictures of the dress with anyone besides my mother -- mainly because (1) I don't want people to judge my sense of style before the big day and, (2) I don't want my FI to accidentally see it.

I know that if I tell this to my FI's mother, she will be absolutely crushed, will probably cry, and will hold a grudge for the next 5 years.  However, if I show her a picture, I can guarantee that she will talk about it to everyone in the family, and there's a good possibility that she won't be happy with whatever dress I choose.

What would you do?

(P.S.  One more tidbit -- my FI's mother is not in the best of health and it takes very little to upset her nowadays.)

caseyandlizzie

Look at it this way, she is going to be in your life for a LONG time. It seems that she is really excited about the wedding, and if you are excited about your dress, I doubt she will say anything negative about it to you. My MIL and I have very different tastes and she went dress shopping with me. She picked out a few dresses that she wanted to see me in, though they were not my style. She realized that they were not the right dress for me when I tried them on and was so excited to see me in the dress that I did pick.

It was very important to her that she feel involved, and I did send her pictures of me in my dress, but she never once showed them to my H or to anyone else, because she knew that I wanted to keep it a surprise. Hopefully your FMIL will do the same. It may hurt her more to be excluded in this, so you might want to re-think it. Also, if she does talk about the dress to anyone, chances are they won't remember how she described it once the wedding rolls around. I showed my dress to a few people that were still surprised at the wedding because they forgot what it looked like.

GoBucksOH

Its one thing to not post it on facebook or email it around to all of your friends. TOTALLY understandable. But excluding your future MIL is not a good way to start out your long term relationship with her. She will definitely feel left out and hurt by it.

I would definitely include her and at least show her a picture of the dress. She sounds to be just as excited about this wedding as you are, so why rain on her parade??

clearheavens

Include her in the dress showing.  Give her an opportunity to be happy for you, especially since it means a lot to her.  She's your FMIL for life.

sloanaw

i showed my fiance's mom, but i did it with a digital camera so there was not trace.

decobelle

Make this about inclusion of important people in your life. Long after the style of your dress is important your relationship with her will be.

kitkatherine

I like the idea of showing her with a digital camera - that way she feels included but you also don't have to worry about him  seeing it! Or invite her over to see it when you get it in - that's what I did.

Then again, I'm the girl who put my dress on, went in the backyard with my camera, took pictures, and posted them online. So I'm in the complete opposite camp ^_^ And I took the FI dress shopping with me.

specialk84

I showed a few people pictures months ago.  I didn't show FMIL because she routinely insults me and has already trash-talked most things about the wedding.  I just don't tlak about it with her anymore.

If you do show a picture, do it well in advance.  That way, she can feel like she was included, but she probably won't remember the details by the time your wedding rolls around.

Starstruck8

I asked my FMIL to go to the bridal shoppe with me. She was so excited and I think it meant a lot to her. You defintely want to start off on the right foot .And, our families have only met a couple times since mine live out of town it was a good way for them to get to know each another a little more.