Mormon wedding gift- what to give?

i2012do

Hi,
So as I have mentioned I am not mormon. I did some googling but I'm a bit confused as to what to give for a gift- monetary wise.

We are flying out to CA for a mormon wedding- there is an out of town dinner we are invited to on Friday nigt- which is mostly because its the first time in years the family is together- its not really wedding related.

I can't go to the wedding at the temple onSaturday and then we were invited to come to someones house from 5-7 pm that night.

I'm not sure what happens at the house- I guess its a reception. I don't know if there is food, but I assume there is becuase its dinner time.

What kind of a gift are they expecting? It is my fiances cousin.

Typically I judge wedding gifts per the cost of a plate. So for example, if I got to a really fancy wedding I give about $250 as a gift. If I go to a less fancy wedding, I usually give about $150 per couple. I tend also vary the gift based on our relationship. For example I gave my cousin $150 but I also bought her a place setting for $150.00. If its a friend I havent seen in years, or something, I give less.

But from what I am reading online- a gift of about $25 is seen as "typical"

I have no idea what to give for a gift. Since its Fiances cousin I assumed $300 but $25-300 is a big difference. Also, I'm from NEw England where thins are a LOT more expensive than Utah (where they live) they are also students.

I checked her registry but honetly, the items are either like $15 or $500! Plus, there is no address to send the gifts too online-and it wouldbe too expensive to send it from here/annoying to lug a gift on a plane.

HELP! this is sooo confusing.

raspberrytart

The evening activity at the house is most likely a reception.  I would not plan on it being dinner--dinners are very rare at Mormon receptions.  There will most likely just be refreshments.

Mormon gifts are also usually much much less money.  The registries always have the higher-end gifts, but I don't think the couple ever gets them (I've never seen them get purchased).  On the other hand, because this couple has never lived together and are usually getting married pretty young, they own absolutely nothing, which makes it easier to purchase something that they will be able to use.

If you feel dumb buying the couple nothing but a set of bath towels, a gift card is perfectly acceptable--even if it's in a small amount like $25.

One more thing:  California Mormons can be a little bit different than Utah Mormons, so it might be good to double-check on what is going on.  It would also be good to know if the reception is more open house-style or if they will be doing things like the bouquet toss and dancing, just so you can plan your evening.

i2012do

Thanks this is helpful.
Shes is a CA mormon, he is from UTAH- but lives ont he East Coast- so it is a little tricky.

I don't really want to get them anything from their registry because they didint leave a shiop to address. and I dont want to pay to carry on say, a set of towels or dishes. Also, its a very strange thing, they are registered at 4 places for all sorts of the same stuff- including, 4 vaccums!

Also she is still in college, and he is.. I don't even know- so I don't knwo where they are living, etc. I just don't feel it will go to use, or when they do finally move into a home in 2 yrs when shes done with school-- it might not be their style anymore!

So based on what you said, I think I am going to meet in the middle and perhaps get a small token gift and give them a $50 gift card to go along with it to one of the shops they are registered at.

Also, what should I wear to this event in the evening? A Cocktail dress? Typically I wear strapless dress or something to a wedding with a pashmina, but I have been shopping for short sleeved dresses. I founda  cute one but its cotton and eyelet- not sure if that is too casual a material?

Carlydl

I'm guessing that since the reception/open house is at someone's home that you should wear something a little more casual.  A cute cotton dress would be perfect!  I've never been to an LDS reception that required cocktail attire, mostly because these kinds of receptions are mostly just receiving lines and snacks, not fancy dinners or anything.

Also, I think a gift of $50 would be seen by this couple as very generous!  I would, however, try to stay away from gift cards.  I've gotten a bunch of them lately and they can be difficult to use or have some kind of penalties if you don't spend the money on them within a certain time period.  I think cash or a check inside a nice card would be best.  That way it saves the couple potential trouble and saves you from having to make a trip somewhere to buy a giftcard!

Hope this helps!

raspberrytart

I think the dress sounds cute!  Just so you know, strapless, low neckline, low back, or short skirts will be frowned upon.

I should have been more specific in the gift card suggestion.  It can be hard for a couple to use gift cards to stores or restaurants that they rarely frequent, plus how much stuff do you really need at Bed Bath & Beyond?  Gift cards to Target will probably get a bit more use, gift cards to a grocery store will be gone in a flash (and starving college students can always use food).  But ca$h is welcome to everyone!!!  As Carly said, $50 will most likely be seen as quite generous.

i2012do

Ok thanks for the help! I think maybe ew will just stick cash in there then.
I was thinking a gift card so she could get something off teh registry that she wanted and didn't get...But maybe even Target is a better idea. Everyone loves target!

I don't want to get one to a grocery store- because the stores here aren't the same as the ones in Utah and I would have no way of getting one. But I do have to say that whenever I get a grocery store gift card in my stocking at christmas- i always love it!

I also reached out to my fiances aunt, who is not mormon but lives in utah and is married into this family. She told me she is wearing a knee length cotton skirt- a plain white t and a cardigan... and said that a short sleeved cotton dress sounds perfect.

I'm sooo nervous and anxious that i will wear something inappropiate, dot he wrong thing, say the wrong thing AH

Carlydl

Don't be too nervous!  LDS people, for the most part, are very welcoming, understanding, and kind.  Wear what you feel comfortable in; seriously, the short-sleeved cotton dress you are planning on will be a hit (If you are still nervous, post a pic or link in this thread and we'll give you opinions)!  And just be yourself, say and do what you would normally say and do!  If people judge you, that's their issue, not yours.  I'm sure you'll do great!

And if something happens to upset you, come tell us!  We'll talk you through it, right raspberry!

i2012do

Well I hve met some of the family before and they are really nice. I just dont want anyone to think I'm off putting. I'm from the East Coast. I wear black,  a lot. I am a typical 20 something around here but I am anxious to meet others.. Plus I don't want to hear "when you are guys having kids" LOL

here is teh dress. except mine is a cornflower blue color, and short sleeved not 3/4 length

InsectCat

I think that will be fine. I am sypathetic to the nerves! I am marrying into a mormon family (but he isn't).

lylaburns123

I don't think you can ever go wrong by getting an LDS couple LDS books. http://www.pioneerbook.com/ldsbooks/index.html Marriage and family is such a big part of the LDS religion so any books on marriage or family will be put to use. Good luck!