Has this been happening to anyone else... RSVP related?

ceglare4

So I really truly did not think that people would totally ignore the invitation that we sent them and bring more people than were invited. Call me crazy, or thinking the best of my guests, or simply naive. Whatever. Well, it's happened! And I can't believe it! FI's grandma gave herself a plus one (she's a widow and to our knowledge, wasn't seeing anyone), and my like second or third cousin on my dad's side is coming with his g/f and her daughter (daughter was not invited). My family hasn't spoken to or seen my cousin in eons, and we really didn't think he'd come. None of us have ever met the g/f or the daughter.

I'm just irritated. I know it's only two more people, one of whom is a kid, but come on people, really? There are very specific names on the invitation and if the person who's name you're writing on the RSVP card isn't on that invitation, they are not invited!! Not even half of our guests have RSVP'ed, and I'm really worried that we're going to have to keep adding people.

bells24412

Yes, actually it happened to my FI and I at his family's cookout this past weekend asking us if they could bring a +1 and this happened twice I was like ummm....i guess so and of course FMIL was watching to see what I would say....ugh!!!

LADY324

I haven't ran into this problem yet but I am sure I will.  Are you inviting kids to the reception?  Ours is adults only.  If your are doing adults only you can have your parents call up your dads cousin and say I am really sorry but kids are not invited to the wedding we hope you can still make it. 

ceglare4

LADY, no it isn't adults only, but we are only inviting kids that are family (my first cousins). We have a handful of guests with kids that we didn't invite, and no one has made a big deal of it at all. I think most of them are actually looking forward to having a night away from their kids!

mbody

You can always call them and let them know who the invite was intended for and that you hope to still see him there. I'd let the g/f come b/c I think SOs should be invited, but not the daughter- since you didn't invite her in the first place. This way you don't have to worry as much about budget/space issues. You can't possibly let every guest bring more than one person.

butterflyjumper1

yea, I agree with mbody. It's fine for the girlfriend to come, but it's pretty bold to write in girlfriend's daughter's name, IMO.  It would be fine to call and tell them that. I am really nervous about this happening to us, our numbers have already spiraled OUT OF CONTROL and adding extra dates and kids will just make things even worse.

ceglare4

I just feel bad calling them! The g/f was always invited, just not the daughter. Like I said, I haven't spoken to my cousin in years and years, and he hasn't returned my dad's calls in several months. I only invited him because I used to see him a lot, and he's literally the only family on my dad's side left that I could invite. It's just so awkward and I would feel mean haha.

kschaben

I'm dealing with the same thing.  We are also only inviting children who are family members as the cost per plate is the same wether its a child or an adult and we are arranging transportation between hotel, ceremony and reception (30 miles) and pay per seat.  One of BMs actually wrote in her two children even though I had discussed our adult only plan several times w/ her and she also called to ensure her mother was invited so she would have someone to sit with the kids at the ceremony!  (that's when I discussed that unfortunately we hadn't planned on her children, awkard!!)

bridetobe71412

Don't feel mean! They're being rude by assuming they can bring extra people. I will never understand why people don't comprehend that weddings are expensive and you only invite who you can host. I haven't had this problem yet, but I am anticipating this happening relatively soon. Thankfully, my Dad's brother's wife is handling his side of the family (and spreading the word about "no kids", since obvi that wasn't on our invitation) but I have a feeling my Mom's side is going to try to finagle some extras.

Just stick to your guns. You can't start making exceptions now! It'll get out of control.

BeachLover2885

Ceglare, I understand what you mean about not wanting to call people up and tell them no. It is so awkward! I didn't invite any children to our wedding, but my cousin wrote in his baby's name on the RSVP.  Their invitation was addressed to just them, but since they are flying in from Chicago and are super excited about introducing the baby to the family, I'm letting it slide.  My mom was a bit irritated but my dad thinks it's fine.  Then, one of my BMs had RSVPed yes with her FI, but on Saturday her cousin tells me that she is so excited to be coming to my wedding.  Then, my BM says that her FI can't come and she wants to bring her cousin with her instead.  I said it was fine b/c she asked me in front of her mom and aunt, so I really couldn't say anything.  I just found it really odd bc my BM knows a lot of people at the wedding, so it's not like she doesn't have people to sit with.  My mom thinks its really bizarre but again, I'm letting it slide. 

mbody

I understand how you feel about not wanting to call. I'm such a baby and hate doing that type of stuff. So, I'd probably be a pushover and let them all come. (Not saying you're a pushover by doing that, but I'm typically a pushover when it comes to stuff just b/c I don't want to speak up. Hope that makes sense!)

But, if you do decide to say something, don't feel mean at all. They're the ones in the wrong in the situation, not you.

michelle11988

I totally understanding what you are going through.  I know that I will be getting back several RSVP's like this because people suck.  It should be interesting to say the least.  I would call them and say daughter is not invited, hope you both can still make it.  It definitely is easier said than done.

arunkumar

FI's 21 year old cousin called him to ask if she could bring a date. She doesn't even have a boyfriend. FI had to explain that our guest list is very tight and if he had room for more people, he would invite some of his own friends before he could let her bring a date. I'm just glad she called to ask rather than writing the name of her date on the rsvp card and making us call her to explain the situation. 

eliselayla

At least you're getting RSVPs   I just found out that my fiance's family doesn't understand the concept of the RSVP card. Now we have to call each one and see if they are planning on coming. Also, because we are having an "Adults Only" wedding as well, only 40 of our 250 guests have RSVP'd yes so far. I'm starting to get scared that my "big" wedding will be much smaller than I had planned.

sunshine9779

Frustrating that people think that's okay.  I attempted to avoid this by writing "We have reserved ____ seats for your pleasure."  I know FI's family has invited guests to other weddings on their own and hope to make it clear who our invitation is intended for.  I just sent out invites last Friday so let's see if it happens.

littlemoments324

yeah we've had 2 people so far call & ask if they could bring someone to the wedding...thank goodness they were on FI's side so he dealt with it quite well I'm sure it won't be the end of it