Registry ideas

sarah8smack

I'm engaged and have decided to go the fund route. Here's why.

I've had 5 years to furnish and settle into into my house. I don't want or need any more material possesions. My fiancee feels the same way, but thinks that our wedding guests will likely want to give us something for inviting them to celebrate our wedding.

So we've got two funds that people can donate to, if they so choose. Donations can be made in modest increments of 20 or 25 dollars. One fund will go towards making renovations to my small townhouse, and the other will go towards my honeymoon, which will involve seeing and travelling with my relatives in southeast Asia, who I haven't seen in 20 years.

I don't need my beloved friends and family to put into either fund if they don't want to. If they do, their generosity will either go towards something that will help us start a family or allow me and my fiancee to meet our extended family.

Thoughts?

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_registry-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:160ea5ff-8e70-45c3-aa4e-9a1bad8e6ec8Post:c1ef2c0d-3f02-45b0-9e77-903439fc767a">Registry ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm engaged and have decided to go the fund route. Here's why.

I've had 5 years to furnish and settle into into my house. I don't want or need any more material possesions. My fiancee feels the same way, but thinks that our wedding guests will likely want to give us something for inviting them to celebrate our wedding.

So we've got two funds that people can donate to, if they so choose. Donations can be made in modest increments of 20 or 25 dollars. One fund will go towards making renovations to my small townhouse, and the other will go towards my honeymoon, which will involve seeing and travelling with my relatives in southeast Asia, who I haven't seen in 20 years.

I don't need my beloved friends and family to put into either fund if they don't want to. If they do, their generosity will either go towards something that will help us start a family or allow me and my fiancee to meet our extended family.

Thoughts?
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]

This is asking for money and it is extremely rude. Also, NEWS FLASH, very few couples need anything. Most are marrying after living on their own or together. Plus, I'm having trouble with MY honeymoon to see MY relatives. Interesting perspective that doesn't include your FH.

hoffse

If you don't need stuff, then don't register.  This is one of the rudest things I've heard - asking guests to fund both your home improvement projects AND your vacation to SE Asia?  Ummm no.  I'm not usually one to "punish" a couple because they do something tacky, but I would frankly be tempted not to send a couple anything if they presented their "funds" to me in the way you just did.

You are not a 501(c)(3).  Guests do not "donate" to your "funds."

And newsflash:  you are far more likely to get a lot more money if you just don't register and tell people you are saving for x when they ask instead of setting up these accounts or whatever they are.  We usually recommend a small registry because some guests just won't give cash ever (like me), but most guests will get the hint and will give you what they are comfortable giving you without the prompting of "donations."  Seriously, this is not something you need to do to get the result you want, and you run the risk of really offending people by framing it this way.

sarah8smack

Thanks for the advice. We were trying to give people direction so they knew what to get us instead of material things we don't want. But you're right... If someone wants to give us anything they can feel free. Is there any way to word something nicey on our website that states we aren't registering anywhere,but somehow state that we don't want random gifts either?

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_registry-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:160ea5ff-8e70-45c3-aa4e-9a1bad8e6ec8Post:1c9177ce-a705-4017-96ca-4562cb05a02f">Re:Registry ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the advice. We were trying to give people direction so they knew what to get us instead of material things we don't want. But you're right... If someone wants to give us anything they can feel free. Is there any way to word something nicey on our website that states we aren't registering anywhere,but somehow state that we don't want random gifts either?
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]

<div>Hallelujah somebody who will listen to sense :)</div><div>
</div><div>There's not a great way to say "we aren't registering anywhere" on your website.  Typically very small registries are the universal (but polite) signal that you prefer cash.  Most knotties advise a small registry of upgrades regardless, because some people just won't give cash, and that way they have some guidance.  I don't give cash because I don't want the couple knowing exactly what I spent, and I'm usually able to get a really good deal just by waiting for coupons or other discounts to come along.  You will get some random items regardless of how large your registries are - my MOH for instance refuses to shop off a registry no matter how many people tell her it's preferred - but you are more likely to get a lot of cash and a few gifts that are of your choosing if you make a small list somewhere.  Things like towels, sheets, etc. wear out and replacements are always handy.  </div>

sarah8smack

Thank you so much for t advice. I really appreciate your insight. I just deleted my honey fund and we'll do what u suggested. :

mlg78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_registry-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:160ea5ff-8e70-45c3-aa4e-9a1bad8e6ec8Post:ae44ecc8-da80-4076-9b66-a6c70d79a072">Re:Registry ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you so much for t advice. I really appreciate your insight. I just deleted my honey fund and we'll do what u suggested. :
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]

<div>Yay! That's music to the ears for us regulars on here! :)  </div>

monkeysip

Yay!  Glad you changed your mind!

Just in case you didn't realize, you are free to mention to people that you're saving up for your honeymoon, repairs to your house, etc. if they ASK where you're registered.

"We're registered at Macys, but we're also saving up for ___" then change the subject.  If you tell your parents/other family, they can also pass it through word of mouth as well.  But you don't come out and volunteer this information or ask for cash.

Jells2dot0

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_registry-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:160ea5ff-8e70-45c3-aa4e-9a1bad8e6ec8Post:ae44ecc8-da80-4076-9b66-a6c70d79a072">Re:Registry ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you so much for t advice. I really appreciate your insight. I just deleted my honey fund and we'll do what u suggested. :
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]

Wow, this is a first amd a good thing! I was going to add to what hoffse said. I have lived in my house with my DH for over 6 years by the time we got married. I spent time browsing the various popular registry sites and found that we actually liked a few of things and preferred upgrades to other things. My brother is getting married in June and she registered on Amazon, which is something I probably would have never thought of! I haven't checked out the registry yet, but something to consider for those guests who prefer to give gifts instead of cash. I say just limit the traditional registry to 5-10 items.

HobokensFury

OP feel free to stick around.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_registry-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:160ea5ff-8e70-45c3-aa4e-9a1bad8e6ec8Post:ae44ecc8-da80-4076-9b66-a6c70d79a072">Re:Registry ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you so much for t advice. I really appreciate your insight. I just deleted my honey fund and we'll do what u suggested. :
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]

<div>You're my new favorite. </div>

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_registry-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:160ea5ff-8e70-45c3-aa4e-9a1bad8e6ec8Post:ae44ecc8-da80-4076-9b66-a6c70d79a072">Re:Registry ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you so much for t advice. I really appreciate your insight. I just deleted my honey fund and we'll do what u suggested. :
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]

Holy smokes!  Hell has frozen over and pigs are flying.

OP, you are seriously the first person since I have been on TK to actually listen to other posters and understand why these honeyfund/donation registries are rude.

Please stick around :)

manjermj

Even though we had a traditional registry (most items were bought for the bridal shower), so we  received about 95% cash gifts for our wedding. People will get the hint without you saying anything. :-)

sarah8smack

Thanks everyone! I actually was hoping to get some real advice on here instead of people just bashing people for questions they ask (which i've seen a lot of in other forums - kinda sad).

I really appcreciate everyone giving m constructive feedback to help me make the right decision. You guys are awesome. :-)

MuppetOverlord

I went through the same process the other day. In the end, we decided not to register anywhere. The only things we need are curtains for one room and things like flooring and sheetrock. We are also not having a shower.

Since most people give money at weddings anyway, we're just going to leave it. My grandmother will ask my mom what we really want that isnt money. My mom can tell her about the curtains. If anyone asks the moms or bridal party what we need, they can mention we've been saving for our honeymoon or that we need things from home depot.

If anyone surprises us with a physical gift, I will most likely be delighted that they put thought into it.

One less thing we have to do or worry about too. I found it very stressful my first wedding.

StPaul0102

If you still want to offer your guests a registry you can register at a home improvement store. My sister and her husband registered at Menards because they had just bought a home after many years of apartment living and they got some nice, practical home improvement gifts from there as well as gift cards. It's not the prettiest or easiest to use registry compared to some of the bigger stores (BB&B, Target, Macy's) but it could help you with your renovations without looking cash-grabby.