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Connecticut

is it customary to........

Invite in-laws of siblings to your wedding?  My FI has siblings and his parents have put the siblings in-laws on their guest list.  I wasn't sure if this was something that's common or not, so I didn't want to make a stink about it quite yet, haha.  I have never met any of his siblings in-laws and FI has only met them once, at the weddings, so personally, we don't see it as necessary.  Just wanted to hear from anyone else if these are people that normally make the guest list.  Thanks.

Re: is it customary to........

  • Hmm I've never heard of that before. I would say no, especially if you don't ever really see them. But if FIs parents are paying then I would let them invite whoever they want.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I would say no, but if it's important to your future in-laws and it's not too many people, AND you have the room/budget, I'd probably just agree.
  • Ok thanks.  FI's parents are paying for their guests, so I wasn't going to complain over 6 extra people.  Would it be rude to at least ask if they need to be invited?  FI and I know that the wedding is also about pleasing the parents and we've already agreed to let his mom invite all the relatives she wants (their guest list is up around 100 people), but at the same time, this is a special and intimate moment for us which we don't want to share with complete strangers.  If his mom insists, I'll accept it, I'm just debating about whether or not to even ask and bring it up.
  • I rarely pull the "it's your wedding" card, but in this case, it's your wedding and I think you have the right to know why your FI's parents want to invite these people.  You aren't refusing to include them, you simply want to know the reason.  I see nothing wrong with that.
  • Ugh. My DH's parents had us invite his brother's inlaws. Idk if it's a Polish/eastern european thing, but i thought it was really annoying. They paid for the guests, so they were invited, but I just don't get it.

  • I have been to a wedding where the bride invited her brother in law's in-laws... I think she felt like she had to, not becuase she wanted to!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • My FI's parents have both his sisters inlaws on the list. Whatever, I won't argue with it but one of them have a 26 year old son and I am not allowing him to be invited. They aren't paying for it and we are tight as it is.
    image
  • Hm, well good to know that I'm not the only one with in-laws on the list.  I think I'm at least going to bring it up and ask for a justification as to why they are being invited.  I won't demand they be taken off, I just want to know if they have a reason other than "it's polite."
  • I think it's worth a conversation, and pointing out that the two of you as a couple don't really know them.  But if they insist, then just go with it.  Like you said, it's not worth it if they're paying for their own guests and it's just 6 people.

    I think it depends on the family relationship, to be honest.  We live far away from FI's family, but when FI's younger sisters get married some day, I'm sure FI's older sister's in-laws will be invited since they all do holidays together now anyway.

    image

    Anniversary

  • I don't think it's necessary based solely on the the fact that they are the sibling's in-laws...if your parents do have a relationship with them however, and they also happen to be the in-laws, then it's up to your parents. But no, this is not a custom I'm familiar with.
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  • I definitely don't think it is necessary.  We are inviting one of my sisters in-laws but I have known them for a long time and our families have become close because of my sisters marriage.  But if you don't know them, I definitely don't think it is necessary.  Just mention it to your FI's parents about the reasoning behind the invite.
  • We aren't inviting in-laws mostly because we need them to take care of all of FI's nieces and nephews for the weekend!  If kids were invited, I might have considered but we have a large enough guest list as it is and FI/ FMIL never brought it up.  Like PPs said, definitely don't think it's necessary.
    Anniversary
  • We are in this situation as welll and right now they are on the list, along with a brother in law. It's not a battle I'm going to win, but I'm not happy about it. And if push comes to shove, they get cut so we can have people close to us there if we don't have enough room/money.
  • edited January 2012
    same thing here. my mom included my sisters husbands parents to the wedding, and since they are from out of town she is also putting them on the rehearsal dinner list as well. I havent questioned it (since she did cut down her list considerably to begin with and she seemed to be stuck on it). I am guessing it was because my parents were invited to my brother in laws siblings weddings 7 years ago, which seems to be my parents reasoning for many of the people they put on their list. I know a lot of people might disagree with it this, but since they are paying its tough to argue about. I've been learning to pick my battles and that just wasnt one that was worth it. Luckily we arent too far over our ideal guest count or maybe I would have questioned it!
  • My sister-in-law invited my parents to their wedding, before my husband and I were even married. We invited her husband's parents and sister to our wedding as well. But my parents get along extremely well with my husband's parents, to the point of saying that not only am I now family but my parents are family to them as well.
  • Thanks for all the insight.  In reality, his parents are making a generous contribution so I know I can't complain too much, but as everyone else pointed out, it's worth asking about.  Again, I'm sure it may be the polite thing to do, but at the end of the day FI and I really want to keep the guest list limited to family and close friends to share our moment.
  • I'd say no.  If you can fit the extra people into your budget then go for it.  If things are already tight then absolutely not.  Invite the people you really want to remember your day with over those you haven't met.  It also depends on who is paying for most of the wedding.  If you guys are then you are 100% in control.
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