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Connecticut

Greenback Shower Question

so here is the issue....

I live in SC we just bought a home a year ago and dont really need all that much for it...

My Bridal Shower is going to be in CT

My mother wants me to at least register somewhere or a couple places...

my mother inlaw suggested the greenback shower(cash only)

and I am planning on registering for the honeymoon and possibly registering at like target for some randon things we could use
....i just hate the though of having to ship every gift back to SC :(

What are your thoughts on a greenback shower....
is it as tacky as i think it is....
is registering for your honeymoon basically the same thing????

thoughts opinions....anything lol :)

thanks
Deanna
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Re: Greenback Shower Question

  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited July 2012
    Yes your gut is right asking for cash and registering for honeymoon is tacky. The big issue with the HM registry is that the company takes a cut of what is given and then writes the couple a check. So if someone thought they were buying you a dinner and massage for 200, the company keeps about 10 percent of that and then writes you a check for 180 so essentially you could spend that on anything and not necessarily on the dinner and massage. In other words you are lying and deceiving guests about what really happens with their gift to you. It's always rude to ask for cash. Either decline the shower or create a registry of upgrades new sheets, towels, etc.
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    If you do a search on the boards for HM registry or asking for cash a ton of threads will come up about
  • Not having a shower is not an option....my poor mother has been waiting 36 years for this to happen lol

    I guess i will be registering :(

    And hopefully spreading word via mouth to family we would prefer money for the honeymoon...my family and his are close enough to us to know thats the best idea for us instead of stuff they just bought us last year for house warming gifts :)
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  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    If you keep the registry small, many get the hint you want cash. But, make sure the registry is large enough so people coming to the shower have an option since the point if a shower is to shower the bride with gifts.....for example dont register for 30 items and have a shower guest list of 50 people. Also remember that many people do not like to give cash and will buy a gift, registry or no registry. So at least you can hopefully guide those who do not give cash to buying something you like by doing a registry. Do you and FI have any hobbies you could incorporate into a registry, it doesn't have to be all household items. For example if you like camping or fishing or kayaking or tennis you can register for tents, fishing supplies, tennis rackets, etc. or you could register for tools for home improvement or yard work. You can get really creative about it just don't ask for cash. Registering for gift cards is also a no go.
  • Ditto PP about honeymoon registries and asking for cash being rude. You'll get more money by having a small registry and spreading word that you're saving up for the honeymoon. 

    Will the people invited to the shower know you live out of state? I had a lot of out of state guests (my husband is from Wisconsin), and they all shipped their gifts to my house. Others who lived out of state but came to the wedding / shower gave us giftcards. 

    Also, if you just had a housewarming last year and have most of what you need, you can register for other things you and your FI will use. We registered for camping gear, and got a bit of that. 

    Good luck and congratulations on your engagement! 
  • I do need things but big stuff so i feeel weird just registering for expensive stuff like a grill and 2nd refrdge for the garage, fire pit....i am sure i can go find things to zap with that handy little gun they give ya....

    we have a pool so maybe floats and chemicals. towels and stuff...didnt think of that :)

    never even thought they they keep a percent at the agency either....not liking that idea at all....

    thanks for the advice....
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  • I just went to a shower for a friend that lives in TX, she had a registry at BBB and there was a note in the invite to have gifts shipped to their home in TX since they were flying and to print out a picture of what you purchased and put it in the card. We still attached bows and ribbons so the bridal party could make the "bouquet". It was actually alot more fun than a traditional shower because she only opened cards. Also, keeping your registry small will give the hint that you want cash without actually saying it. Don't be afraid to register for big ticket items, someone might actually. Buy it for you, just make sure there are affordable items on there for everyone.
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  • Ditto to PP

    If you don't want to ship things back,  you could probably return items at a store here and then re-purchase at home. It's more of a hassle, but would save you on shipping.   Just make sure to check the packages if you choose to return them, I read a post on here recently when someone put a check in a blender or food process or something, but the bride returned it, with the check.  

    good luck!


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  • I must be the odd ball out here... I half disagree with the previous posts.  I personally wouldnt flat out ask for money, but I dont think there is anything wrong with registering for your honeymoon, that is exactly what FI and I doing.  We have been living together for 5 years and we do not need anything at all.  We still made a small registry at Target to "upgrade" some of our stuff if people wish to buy a gift.  The people who disagree with honeymoon registry may not have done all the research on it.  If you choose to do it, contact whatever travel agency you wanted to use and ask them what is involved (fees etc;)   Not registering at all or going very small and pushing people into giving you cash is much more rude (in my opinion).  Yes, the agency would just be sending you a check, but chances are you will want to do excersions on your honeymoon, so the money will be spent on that in the long run.
  • cronin - thank goodness there is someone else out there! :) FI and I registered for our honeymoon and I had my shower last month. I was nervous because so many people say its tacky on these boards, but same as you, FI and I have been living together for almost 6 years now and we don't need the traditional stuff. Everyone LOVED the honeymoon registry and thought it was so cute. They were so happy they could give us a "romantic dinner" or a room upgrade, or even money towrads jet skiing and other excursions. It was the best thing we did!

    Good luck!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:f78635e9-6837-48fe-a9e4-10087ed95096">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]cronin - thank goodness there is someone else out there! :) FI and I registered for our honeymoon and I had my shower last month. I was nervous because so many people say its tacky on these boards, but same as you, FI and I have been living together for almost 6 years now and we don't need the traditional stuff. Everyone LOVED the honeymoon registry and thought it was so cute. They were so happy they could give us a "romantic dinner" or a room upgrade, or even money towrads jet skiing and other excursions. It was the best thing we did! Good luck!
    Posted by markandlaura112[/QUOTE]


    Good, this made me feel much better about our decision lol.  Everyone on all the forums say it is tacky, but I talked it over with my parents etc; and everything thinks its a cute idea too :)
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Yes but the thing with how an HM registry works is that you get the cash so you don't have to do what the gift giver intended you to to and that's deceitful.  So if someone buys you a dinner and massage and you use the money to go shopping.  It's not right because that person intended for you to go on a dinner.  If they wanted you to have cash, they would have given it to you..........it would probably be way less tacky and much more acceptable if the agency gave you voucher for whatever the gift giver purhcased instead of a check.  This way if Grandma bought you an excursion to swim with the dolphins you would get a voucher for that activity valid on the dates of you HM and you would have to do it.  And the other big thing is part of the money the gift giver is spending on these excursions doesn't even go to the couple, it goes to the agency.  that is also not right and deceitful
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:f78635e9-6837-48fe-a9e4-10087ed95096">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]cronin - thank goodness there is someone else out there! :) FI and I registered for our honeymoon and I had my shower last month. I was nervous because so many people say its tacky on these boards, but same as you, FI and I have been living together for almost 6 years now and we don't need the traditional stuff. Everyone LOVED the honeymoon registry and thought it was so cute. They were so happy they could give us a "romantic dinner" or a room upgrade, or even money towrads jet skiing and other excursions. It was the best thing we did! Good luck!
    Posted by markandlaura112[/QUOTE]

    yes they said that to your face, but who knows what they said behind your back.  I have a friend who just did a HM and everyone in our circle told her it was so great, but behind her back they talked a lot of smack about how it was so rude and that guests shouldn't be responsible for funding the honeymoon and if the couple wanted those excursions they should have been paying for them themselves.
  • SB1512-  Just keep in mind people dont have to do it if they dont want too.  If they feel its "not their responsibility to fund the honeymoon" well, they dont have to do it.  You can also flip that as well when it comes to purchasing gifts from a store; Its not your guests responsibility to buy you your vacuum, or your toaster, or your coffee pot etc;

    Again, back to my original comment, you should do a little more research. The travel agent I am using gave us the option to either have a check cut to us OR to have the funds go directly to our honeymoon, which in return would be a "credit" to use towards excersions or anything else available that you would have to spend money on while on your honeymoon.  As far as the fee, its not as expensive as you are making it out to be, our travel agency is 2%.  Just like reception halls take a 18% gratuity, the limo co. takes 12% etc;  and lets not forget that if you purchase an item online not all companies offer free shipping, so there ya go, just another fee to pay.

    By no means do I want this to turn into an argument via theknot, just want you to be aware of the fact that sometimes before arguing against what someone is posting -in response to someones else post -you should have done the research first.

  • edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:dc833e42-198f-44a2-a761-5596f95c6f1d">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I must be the odd ball out here... I half disagree with the previous posts.  I personally wouldnt flat out ask for money, but I dont think there is anything wrong with registering for your honeymoon, that is exactly what FI and I doing.  We have been living together for 5 years and we do not need anything at all.  We still made a small registry at Target to "upgrade" some of our stuff if people wish to buy a gift.  The people who disagree with honeymoon registry may not have done all the research on it.  If you choose to do it, contact whatever travel agency you wanted to use and ask them what is involved (fees etc;)  <strong> Not registering at all or going very small and pushing people into giving you cash is much more rude (in my opinion). </strong> Yes, the agency would just be sending you a check, but chances are you will want to do excersions on your honeymoon, so the money will be spent on that in the long run.
    Posted by cronin85[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Just curious. What's the difference with your small registry at Target & your honeymoon registry that makes it not pushing people to give you money, and thus rude in your opinion? </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>I lived with my H for 4 years before we got married, so we didn't need much either. We didn't register for a honeymoon because, what if someone bought us dinner on the beach, and we never found time to go to dinner on the beach? I'd feel bad that my guest bought me something and I used their money for something else. Or what if someone put cash towards a dolphin swim, but no one else did so we couldn't afford it? I'd personally feel really bad. We used the cash people gave us at the wedding to cover the excursions we did go on, so it's basically the same thing, right? 

    </div>
  • MoonLightSilver- The difference in my opinion is that people have options.  If you just make one small registry (if items sell out, or people feel they are too expensive) they will feel obligated to give cash.  If there are a couple different options, wether it is 2/3 stores or 1 store and Hm registry, then they have more options to choose from.  If they dont like any options, they can still give cash.

    For the HM registry, if you choose the option for the agency to send the funds directly to the HM, it works kind of like a debit card.  You would get that dollar amount "debited" to your room key.  So, for example, if someone bought you a dinner on the beach but you never had time to do the dinner, you could have maybe went horsebacking riding instead.  So, its not like you took their money and went clothes shopping or anything, its still used towards an excursions (or something HM related).  (hope this makes sense)

    I personally wouldn't say the money going towards your honeymoon (as a registry gift) and the money you receive from actual wedding are the same.  The money you make from your wedding is yours and your husbands choice to spend how you see fit, wether its on the HM, to buy a house, car etc;
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited July 2012
    I still stand by my opinion that it's deceitful and rude. Even if the money people pay goes to a debit type card you still may not use it for the intended purpose. Think about how aunt Helen would feel if she contributed money to an excursion and you didn't have time for it or wanted to do something else instead. Do you flat out lie on your thank you card to her about that dinner you never even went on? I still think if someone wanted you to have cash for the honeymoon they would give it to you. To the OP: if people specifically bring up the small registry to your mom it is perfectly acceptable for her to tell those inquiring that you and FI dont need a lot and are saving up for XYZ expense because they are specifically asking what you and FI would want.  But to put something like no gifts, cash only on a shower or wedding invite is a big no.  spreading through word of mouth is fine.

    edited: spelling errors from posting from iphone
  • edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:925159ae-7314-4ae4-b859-01069cc4677d">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]MoonLightSilver- <strong>The difference in my opinion is that people have options</strong>.  If you just make one small registry (if items sell out, or people feel they are too expensive) they will feel obligated to give cash.  If there are a couple different options, wether it is 2/3 stores or 1 store and Hm registry, then they have more options to choose from.  If they dont like any options, they can still give cash. For the HM registry, if you choose the option for the agency to send the funds directly to the HM, it works kind of like a debit card.  You would get that dollar amount "debited" to your room key.  So, for example, if someone bought you a dinner on the beach but you never had time to do the dinner, you could have maybe went horsebacking riding instead.  So, its not like you took their money and went clothes shopping or anything, its still used towards an excursions (or something HM related).  (hope this makes sense) I personally wouldn't say the money going towards your honeymoon (as a registry gift) and the money you receive from actual wedding are the same.  The money you make from your wedding is yours and your husbands choice to spend how you see fit, wether its on the HM, to buy a house, car etc;
    Posted by cronin85[/QUOTE]

    <div>I guess I see a honeymoon registry exactly the same as giving you cash (abet with limited use), so that's the same to me as just having a small registry. Giving cash or donating towards a honeymoon is the same option in my mind, because the couple gets money in both cases. </div><div>
    </div><div>Did you make your guests aware that they were giving you funds towards a debit card? I would still feel bad using a gift of money towards dinner on something else, even if they were both honeymoon related. But your guests might feel differently about it. </div>
  • As I said before, didn't want this to turn into a knot argument, but my defenses go up when people start using the words, deceitful and rude.  Especially seeing as this is just peoples opinions.  People could be a tad more respectful with their wording.

    MoonLight- No, I did not make the guests aware that it is a debit card type of thing.  I know if I had paid for someone to do a scuba diving excursion and for whatever reason they decided not too (wether they ran out of time, or simlpy got nervous about the idea of scuba diving) and instead decided to do a massage it wouldn't phase me.  At least I know that the "gift" I bought them was towards something to make their honeymoon special to them.  Which was what I originial intended by purchasing an excursion to begin with.  Plus,if you decide to purchase something off of a Target, Macys etc registry how do you know the people are even going to keep it?  I know plenty of people who have turned around and returned items that were purchased for them because either they decided they didnt want that "coffee pot" anymore...instead they want the "deep frie"r more and no one else purchased it so they returned one gift and bought something different.  That could be classified as being rude and deceitful as well, no?

    Now that I have sounded like a broken record, this is reason #2546 why I typically dont post on the CT board, people are way to rude...there is a reason it is called an opinion and everyone is entitiled to give it.
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Well if you don't go to the dinner someone purchased you and they ask how dinner on the beach was and you lie and say it was great is that not deceitful? Or if you say oh we didnt have time or we really wanted to do the dolphin excursion instead so we used your contribution that way isn't that sort of rude? It also becomes deceitful if guests don't know they are giving you money instead of a tangible gift. Many people dont like to give cash and by not telling them that your honeymoon registry isn't actual gifts but a cash credit to do what you please with you are taking away their option to buy something tangible. Have your opinion and think what you like but what your guests say to your face may not be true because they are trying to be polite and not say that a HM registry is tacky.
  • Well seeing as my guests are close friends and family I would hope they wouldnt any say anything bad or disrespectful behind my back.  But if they do then so be it, they dont have to purchase anything off my HM registry if they feel its tacky.  Bottom line is I will still be happily married at the end of the day.  You apparently dont think very highly of your guests if you feel they are going to be negativly thinking about what you do for your wedding.
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    No, my guests will appreciate that I am not putting them in an uncomfortable or awkward situation because I am doing all I can to ensure proper etiquette will be practiced at my wedding
  • SB is completely correct in her etiquette.

    HM registries are deceitful to guests and they are not good manners.  But believe me, as someone who hasn't been able to take her HM yet, I know how tempting they are.
  • ...didn't realize there was a "right" or "wrong" again, thought this was an opinion...buuut ok.  I guarantee there are plenty more people out there that agree with me, but wont say anything for this reason...they would prefer not to get b*tched at
  • If your argument for registering for a honeymoon is that it's rude, then registering for anything is rude.  You're basically asking for gifts from someone.  I know I've been thrown off when someone registered for a $400 gravy boat.  I'd much rather buy them a massage on their honeymoon then something I find frivilous.  Registries in general are silly.  We registered for our honeymoon because we didn't need anything.   We've lived together for years and lived on our own before that so we already threw out doubles of things we had.  We're moving shortly after the wedding and can't bring much with us.  Regardless of the reason, do what you want to do for yourself.  We had specific items, like dinner on the beach, or airfare etc for people to choose.  Our excursions and spa stuff is already booked, so it's a guarantee that what we registered for will actually be happening.  People told us they really liked the idea of the honeymoon registry, and a few weddings before ours had done it so it wasn't a foreign concept.  Of course there are people that will say what they want behind your back, but oh well, you'll never make everyone happy, even if you register for really expensive sheets!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:5a7d3a10-4279-4167-a890-30c0b4e9d8b7">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>If your argument for registering for a honeymoon is that it's rude, then registering for anything is rude.</strong>  You're basically asking for gifts from someone.  I know I've been thrown off when someone registered for a $400 gravy boat.  I'd much rather buy them a massage on their honeymoon then something I find frivilous.  Registries in general are silly.  We registered for our honeymoon because we didn't need anything.   We've lived together for years and lived on our own before that so we already threw out doubles of things we had.  We're moving shortly after the wedding and can't bring much with us.  Regardless of the reason, do what you want to do for yourself.  We had specific items, like dinner on the beach, or airfare etc for people to choose.  Our excursions and spa stuff is already booked, so it's a guarantee that what we registered for will actually be happening.  People told us they really liked the idea of the honeymoon registry, and a few weddings before ours had done it so it wasn't a foreign concept.  Of course there are people that will say what they want behind your back, but oh well, you'll never make everyone happy, even if you register for really expensive sheets!
    Posted by bmetz34[/QUOTE]

    They're not the same thing.  SB and DiLynn explained it very well.  The honeymoon registry isn't a registry for the honeymoon.  It's a registry for cash where you MIGHT use the gift for its intended purpose or you might pocket the cash and use it for something else.  If your honeymoon isn't funded then what do you do?   Then you're using none of the funds!   

    You also can't compare the fee that a HM registry takes to the fee that you pay for your reception.  This is about what your family member spends and what you actually get.  If Great Aunt Helen gives you $100 for a romantic dinner on the beach then the agency takes a cut - some up to 7%.   Of the money Aunt Helen gave, only $93 went to you and she had no idea!  Plus, you're not getting a voucher for that excursion.   It's the equivalent of registering at BB&B but you don't get any 'things'.  Instead your family would think they're buying you a Kitchen Aid Stand mixer for $300 but when you get to BB&B to pick it out, you have only $279 to spend however it's on anything in the store.

    Registries are to help a couple set up their home.   I'm with you that really expensive items on a registry need to be balanced out by items in a lower price range.  I don't want to fund your vacation and I'm not going to spend $150 on your shower gift because you can't find a towel with a low enough thread count that makes it affordable to your guests.

    It's two issues:  The cash registry / HM registry is asking people to outright give money.  That's inappropriate and the HM registry adds and extra layer of deceitfulness as guests don't realize that what they give isn't entirely received.       The second issue is that asking people to fund any luxury is really rather rude.   Guests shouldn't be asked to pay for your vacation and if your registry is only really expensive items, you're asking for things that most won't buy.


    I lived on my own for 3 years before I moved in with DH and we lived together for a year before we were married.  We still were able to find a ton to put on our registry and many items could use a refresher now that they're 5 years old.  I just don't buy the 'we have everything' argument.    Your linens can use an upgrade, sheets can get dingy looking and pillows need to be replaced over time.  

    If that's not the direction  you want to go, think of entertaining.  Register for China, cups and saucers, serving pieces and nicer flatware / stemware.  We've used ours multiple times and it looks great.

    Finally, the burden of getting the gifts back is one of the things you accept when having a shower.  Maybe paying for shipping costs can be a gift the people give you.
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:645cdb63-2e6b-40fe-a451-1d0665df04ef">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : They're not the same thing.  SB and DiLynn explained it very well.  The honeymoon registry isn't a registry for the honeymoon.  It's a registry for cash where you MIGHT use the gift for its intended purpose or you might pocket the cash and use it for something else.  If your honeymoon isn't funded then what do you do?   Then you're using none of the funds!    You also can't compare the fee that a HM registry takes to the fee that you pay for your reception.  This is about what your family member spends and what you actually get.  If Great Aunt Helen gives you $100 for a romantic dinner on the beach then the agency takes a cut - some up to 7%.   Of the money Aunt Helen gave, only $93 went to you and she had no idea!  Plus, you're not getting a voucher for that excursion.   It's the equivalent of registering at BB&B but you don't get any 'things'.  Instead your family would think they're buying you a Kitchen Aid Stand mixer for $300 but when you get to BB&B to pick it out, you have only $279 to spend however it's on anything in the store. Registries are to help a couple set up their home.   I'm with you that really expensive items on a registry need to be balanced out by items in a lower price range.  I don't want to fund your vacation and I'm not going to spend $150 on your shower gift because you can't find a towel with a low enough thread count that makes it affordable to your guests. It's two issues:  The cash registry / HM registry is asking people to outright give money.  That's inappropriate and the HM registry adds and extra layer of deceitfulness as guests don't realize that what they give isn't entirely received.       The second issue is that asking people to fund any luxury is really rather rude.   Guests shouldn't be asked to pay for your vacation and if your registry is only really expensive items, you're asking for things that most won't buy. I lived on my own for 3 years before I moved in with DH and we lived together for a year before we were married.  We still were able to find a ton to put on our registry and many items could use a refresher now that they're 5 years old.  I just don't buy the 'we have everything' argument.    Your linens can use an upgrade, sheets can get dingy looking and pillows need to be replaced over time.   If that's not the direction  you want to go, think of entertaining.  Register for China, cups and saucers, serving pieces and nicer flatware / stemware.  We've used ours multiple times and it looks great. Finally, the burden of getting the gifts back is one of the things you accept when having a shower.  Maybe paying for shipping costs can be a gift the people give you.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    Thanks banana.  You summed up the difference between the  normal registry and the HM registry much better than I could.  I'm not sure this will make any sense but another thing to keep in mind is that if someone is hosting a shower for the bride, guests are expected to give gifts, as that is the whole point of the shower.  It is the one time during wedding process where the bride and groom can flat out ask for tangilbe items (no cash or gift cards).  However going on a honeymoon is completely optional and asking guests to fund an optional trip is rude.  A traditional registry is usually things that couples could use to start their new life together.  And yes some people can go overboard and request ridiculously expensive items but those things usually won't get purchased.  I think it might be one thing if great aunt helen purchased you dinner on a beach from a restaurant and she was actually able to give you a voucher for that specific activity, but unfortunately that is not the way HM works.  Often times a lot of couples use the HM registry to collect the cash because they can't afford to pay for their honeymoon which is wrong.  Or they do it to get the cash and then never go on the honeymoon and use the money for something else.
  • PPs have covered it well. Most people will not give cash for a shower gift b/c shows are typically to shower the bride w/ gifts, not cash
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:5a7d3a10-4279-4167-a890-30c0b4e9d8b7">Re: Greenback Shower Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]If your argument for registering for a honeymoon is that it's rude, then registering for anything is rude.  You're basically asking for gifts from someone.  I know I've been thrown off when someone registered for a $400 gravy boat.  I'd much rather buy them a massage on their honeymoon then something I find frivilous.  Registries in general are silly.  We registered for our honeymoon because we didn't need anything.   We've lived together for years and lived on our own before that so we already threw out doubles of things we had.  We're moving shortly after the wedding and can't bring much with us.  Regardless of the reason, do what you want to do for yourself.  We had specific items, like dinner on the beach, or airfare etc for people to choose.  Our excursions and spa stuff is already booked, so it's a guarantee that what we registered for will actually be happening.  People told us they really liked the idea of the honeymoon registry, and a few weddings before ours had done it so it wasn't a foreign concept.  Of course there are people that will say what they want behind your back, but oh well, you'll never make everyone happy, even if you register for really expensive sheets!
    Posted by bmetz34[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I agree 100% :)

    </div>
  • pokey730pokey730 member
    100 Comments
    edited July 2012
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_greenback-shower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:3e3117f5-df10-4eb8-95ca-d2d732cadda2Post:5a7d3a10-4279-4167-a890-30c0b4e9d8b7">Re:
    Greenback Shower Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]If your argument for registering for a
    honeymoon is that it's rude, then registering for anything is rude.  You're
    basically asking for gifts from someone.  I know I've been thrown off when
    someone registered for a $400 gravy boat.  I'd much rather buy them a
    massage on their honeymoon then something I find frivilous.  Registries in
    general are silly.  We registered for our honeymoon because we didn't need
    anything.   We've lived together for years and lived on our own before
    that so we already threw out doubles of things we had.  We're moving
    shortly after the wedding and can't bring much with us.  Regardless of the
    reason, do what you want to do for yourself.  We had specific items, like
    dinner on the beach, or airfare etc for people to choose.  Our excursions
    and spa stuff is already booked, so it's a guarantee that what we registered for
    will actually be happening.  People told us they really liked the idea of
    the honeymoon registry, and a few weddings before ours had done it so it wasn't
    a foreign concept.  Of course there are people that will say what they want
    behind your back, but oh well, you'll never make everyone happy, even if you
    register for really expensive sheets!
    Posted by bmetz34[/QUOTE]

    There is a difference between having a registry so those that want to get you a gift,
    can get you something they know you want, and outright asking for money. Even if
    they have the option to not give you money, and get you something else, asking
    in the first place is rude.

    Yes, you will never make everyone happy. However, you should also make an effort to not outright offend anyone. I for example, would be offended in this circumstance, and I'm one who pretty much always cuts the bride and groom a check, partly out of laziness. In this case however, friend or not, you'd be getting his and hers Snuggies.

    With this line of thinking, why not have a Reception Registry? Guests can choose from
    upgrading linens, paying a portion of the open bar, pay vendor deposits, the
    possibilities are endless! Honeymoons, like pretty much all things reception
    related, are optional. The point of giving the bride and groom gifts, is to give
    them gifts to help them start their new lives together, not to fund a 100%
    optional luxury vacation.
    </div>
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